Timmy Talk

[Timmy]

Here are some things that Christianity teaches. (At least your version of it does, AFF. ) You should own it! Be proud of it! Christianity is the best religion in the world!

1. Every one of us is a sinner.

2. Every sinner deserves punishment. Really horrible punishment. Eternal torment. Yes. That's what we deserve for sinning. And we can't not sin, no matter how hard we try. It's pointless to try to be good: we can't. Even if we think we're good, we're not. Our righteousness is filthy rags.

3. Number 2 is because God is so holy and perfect, that He can't not punish sin, and punish it severely. You know, because we aren't perfect. And God is. That's why.

4. There's a way to get out of our derseved punishment. Turns out, if someone else is punished for us, we don't have to be punished. Isn't that awesome? Oh, but it can't be anyone. It has to be someone who doesn't deserve to be punished. Namely, God Himself. If God dies instead of us, and stays dead for three days, we're off the hook. And of course, God did this. He died and stayed dead for three days. So we could escape our just punishment. Isn't that cool?

5. Oh, but not everyone is issued that Get Out Of Hell Free card. Only some of us. A small part of us, actually. There is a "way" to get it, but that "way" is "narrow". Only a few of us will find it.

6. God gave us a book. An instruction manual. One that some people claim isn't very clear, but all anyone has to do is ask God to explain it, and He will. And anyone who says they did that, but understands it incorrectly, well, I guess they weren't sincere. Or something. And this book tells us how to get the card mentioned in 5. So you better understand it!

7. God does miracles. He'll do them for you. You just have to ask. Oh, but don't ask "amiss". Then He won't. Oh, and you have to ask something that's in accordance with His will. If He doesn't want to do something, He won't. Oh, and have faith. Believe you will get what you ask for, and, well, if all the other requirements are met, you will get it.

So. Any argument? Did I get anything wrong? I'm kinda prone to doing that, it seems.

Oh, and Mike, go ahead and point to this post as an example of me casting doubt. It is exactly what you believe. But I'm not allowed to list these things, exactly as you believe them, because, well, uh, I guess that's "mockery". If I got something wrong, be sure and let me know. And stating something accurately but "mockingly", if that's what you would say, doesn't count. Accurate is accurate.