How close should a pastor get to the members?

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

It's happened that the opposite occured...the Pastor spread rumors about a non-pastor. It's also happened between ministers...Look at Juanita Bynum and Bishop Weeks...If that can happen perhaps ministers should not be married?

It's just a lot of what ifs and frankly that is life. It can happen. It will happn regardless of if it's a Pastor/non-Pastor relationship and the results either way can be devistating. An ex-Pastor friend can spread all sort of trash on the ex-Pastor friend and ruin his reputation in the fellowship and not just the local church

Prax I am not minimizing what ministries/pastors do to each other, but in a local church setting (which I was speaking of, the threads title, pastor/saint) the damage is much more up close and personal and can set a church back years. Much of the stuff between pastors never affects a local church unless it's criminal or the pastor discloses it.

I stand by my limited experience of pastoring 3 churches, I was partly to blame in that I allowed some to get close that I shouldn't.

But remarkedly I still assert there is a healthy balance (the proper response to abuse is proper use), discipleship is key.

[Amos]

Originally Posted by keith4him

Prax I am not minimizing what ministries/pastors do to each other, but in a local church setting (which I was speaking of, the threads title, pastor/saint) the damage is much more up close and personal and get set a church back years. Much of the stuff between pastors never affects a local church unless it's criminal or the pastor discloses it.

I stand by my limited experience of pastoring 3 churches, I was partly to blame in that I allowed some to get close that I shouldn't.

But remarkedly I still assert there is a healthy balance (the proper response to abuse is proper use), discipleship is key.

Keith, it is telling that most of the ones disagreeing with you have never pastored.

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by Amos

Keith, it is telling that most of the ones disagreeing with you have never pastored.

It seems, I am sure in my ignorance before I pastored, I was an idealist, etc.

But now after bandaging myself (praying through) and working through the after effects, my idealism has been lost to reality, and the sin nature.

[Amos]

Originally Posted by keith4him

It seems, I am sure in my ignorance before I pastored, I was an idealist, etc.

But now after bandaging myself (praying through) and working through the after effects, my idealism has been lost to reality, and the sin nature.

That happens.

I had breakfast with a dozen or so men from our church this morning.

I had a couple of young guys from the church here at the house yesterday riding horses and 4 wheelers all afternoon. We don't live secluded in some ivory tower.

But the fact still remains that you can't be too buddy-buddy with most saints without opening the door for issues to come back and bite you one day.

[Michael Phelps]

Originally Posted by Amos

That happens.

I had breakfast with a dozen or so men from our church this morning.

I had a couple of young guys from the church here at the house yesterday riding horses and 4 wheelers all afternoon. We don't live secluded in some ivory tower.

But the fact still remains that you can't be too buddy-buddy with most saints without opening the door for issues to come back and bite you one day.

I am training a man to take my place as Site Manager when I move up, sometime next year.

He is well liked by the rest of my staff, and I spend a good bit of time with him.

He's a single guy, and is prone to brag about his romantic exploits to the rest of my team, and they laugh with him, it's all about "building relationship" he says.

I admonished him the other day, and told him, "Today you are just one of the team, but in a few months, you may be the boss of these guys, just as I am today, and if they view you as just one of the guys, you won't be an effective leader. Don't make yourself too familiar to them right now, we can go out, eat lunch, have fun, joke and laugh - but don't make yourself a laughingstock by trying to get on their level."

He got it - and has changed his behavior.

I'm all about building relationships, and that's what has made me successful in my current position. I can laugh at myself from time to time, but there is a decorum that MUST be maintained when you are the leader, no matter the job or vocation.

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by Amos

That happens.

I had breakfast with a dozen or so men from our church this morning.

I had a couple of young guys from the church here at the house yesterday riding horses and 4 wheelers all afternoon. We don't live secluded in some ivory tower.

But the fact still remains that you can't be too buddy-buddy with most saints without opening the door for issues to come back and bite you one day.

We fellowship with some over dinner, chatting etc. But I don't do vacations, getaways, hanging out just for the sake anymore. And I try and watch my conversations etc.

I try and meet with some on a regular time of prayer, bible reading and confession, but even then confessions has to be general.

Very hard at times, I value honesty, transparency, being real and authentic, etc. But after falling in the same pot hole, I now avoid that road mostly.

[Amos]

Originally Posted by keith4him

We fellowship with some over dinner, chatting etc. But I don't do vacations, getaways, hanging out just for the sake anymore. And I try and watch my conversations etc.

I try and meet with some on a regular time of prayer, bible reading and confession, but even then confessions has to be general.

Very hard at times, I value honesty, transparency, being real and authentic, etc. But after falling in the same pot hole, I now avoid that road mostly.

You learn that kind of thing the hard way.

[ManOfWord]

Originally Posted by Michael Phelps

I am training a man to take my place as Site Manager when I move up, sometime next year.

He is well liked by the rest of my staff, and I spend a good bit of time with him.

He's a single guy, and is prone to brag about his romantic exploits to the rest of my team, and they laugh with him, it's all about "building relationship" he says.

I admonished him the other day, and told him, "Today you are just one of the team, but in a few months, you may be the boss of these guys, just as I am today, and if they view you as just one of the guys, you won't be an effective leader. Don't make yourself too familiar to them right now, we can go out, eat lunch, have fun, joke and laugh - but don't make yourself a laughingstock by trying to get on their level."

He got it - and has changed his behavior.

I'm all about building relationships, and that's what has made me successful in my current position. I can laugh at myself from time to time, but there is a decorum that MUST be maintained when you are the leader, no matter the job or vocation.

This is so true! Being REAL is never out of style! Even in my leadership style of loving everyone and trying to spend some amount of time with everyone at some time (however small) no one disrespects me as pastor. I really can't remember the last time it happened. I'm sure it has, I just don't keep score!

I have more important things to do......like build relationships.

[Amos]

Somehow I am reminded of that very humble man who was always telling folks how humble he was.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Amos

Somehow I am reminded of that very humble man who was always telling folks how humble he was.