I didn't really think this was funny at the time, but..................... I used to sit in the back row of the church. This 85 year old sister got up to go to the bathroom, and either thought the coast was clear or couldn't hold it in any more. She started farting to the beat of every step she took! When she fired off the first round, I was like, "what?????" I turned around and there she was, makin music to the beat of her own footsteps; fart, fart, fart, fart, fart! She was old too, and took short steps everywhere she went! I never said a thing to her about that day!
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Originally Posted by jaxfam6
One service we had one of those Holy Ghost blowouts.
I couldn't help myself and miss this opportunity!!
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My pastor was preaching a fiery service one night and said, "We need to learn how to cut the cheese around here and have real revival!!"
He was puzzled that everyone started laughing, but continued.
A few weeks later, he made the same statement. When he heard the laughing again, he said, ''What's up with you folks, you laughed the last time I said that".
His wife didn't bother telling him what that phrase meant (although being a southern Illinois boy in his 40's, I can't imagine how he DIDN'T know what that meant!).
I was the bearer of the bad news. He laughed and said he'd heard that phrase but didn't know what it meant, but thought it sounded good....LOL!
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
My sister's pastor, when she was in PA, was preaching and and wanted to make a point. There was a lady in their church who has a sister that is gay and she was in the service that morning, the gay sister that is. Well he said that sometimes he felt like the little boy from Holland who put his finger in the dam hole. He was not wanting to use 'that' word and accidently offend the visitor. Well, 'dam hole' struck my sister as funny. She started laughing, and boy when we laugh. It is a real snortfest when we get going. He was so mad at her that he didn't talk to her for almost two weeks. She had to go to him and make him talk to her.
So many funny stories. Here is one I heard from the late Bishop Stalls. He was a Trinitarian minister in KY. He said years ago that he was pastoring a church and there was a sister Dodi Mae. Well, she was a large woman and had a young son. Turns out that the boy loved to nurse and moma was not going to cut him off. He was still on the moma bottle at 2 years old. Sister Dodi Mae was nursing the boy under a towel during church when they started singing I'll fly Away. Well, that was the song that always did it for Sis. and she stood and raised her arm and began to praise the Lord. Bro. Stalls said, sure enough he saw her start to get the quickening. She jerked and did a head pop several times. Then she went into an all out shout. The towel slip off and all the time she was holding the precious two year old on her hip. Bishop Stalls said it was the funniest thing seeing that boy weaving his head back and forth trying to latch back on to the ever bouncing target!!
My assistant Pastor was preaching last Sunday morning. He said, saints we need to stay in the ship. Don't leave the house of God. This is your help, your safety net. "Saints we need to stay the course."
One of the elders jumped up and ran on the platform screaming "preach!" I asked him after church, "what do you think the pastor said." I knew he was thinking something else. He confirmed that he thought the pastor said, "saints we need to have intercourse." ROFL
I HAVE. hehe 
She was old too, and took short steps everywhere she went! I never said a thing to her about that day! 
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