Serious Question

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

Would you feel comfortable knowing that a leader (not necessarily a preacher) in your church was struggling with his/her eye gate (internet sites or mags) and yet still in a place of heavy use in the church?

What if this man or woman had struggled for a while, perhaps even giving in to the temptation, asking forgiveness, only to return to the temptation, and still wanted to teach others or be used in a leadership role?

How does the church deal with this issue?

I would say he need to be spokened to by the elders and if no repentance then sit him down or even rebuke him openly.

[ManOfWord]

Originally Posted by Felicity

I used Pastor P's initial post and then a few that I read quickly that were made by MOW as a jumping off point for my post. Didn't see the one about the guy who sees nothing wrong with porn.

I can't imagine why a man who has a wife would rather spend time with these "images". I think it's indicative of immaturity and I would think it would get old pretty quick. I mean, when you have a loving relationship with a real live warm woman and access to intimacy and physical expression of love and need, why and how could picture -- whether photos or video be better than that?

JY started a thread on FCF one time about all of this. He was making the query as to whether or not it was okay for married couples to use porn or porn type material in the bedroom to spice things up.

It's a real issue in marriages and homes today. Maybe it always has been but people are much more open about it all today so it's more "in our face" as something that has to be dealt with and reckoned with.

I am very cautious not to intrude into the "bedroom" of saints. I don't even talk about "specifics" neither do I believe that I have to. I deal with principles. However, I have found that some men whose wives (I'm trying to be careful here) are not "responsive" to their "advances" will be more prone to this type of behavior. The serious problem (other than them viewing the sinful material) is expecting their spouse to behave like what they are viewing. The marriage goes downhill quick from there.

If their spouse won't go down that "road," they may even enter an illicit affair. So this whole thing is a bad deal all the way around. I personally don't think couples should be involved in this stuff at all. I don't buy the excuse that it spices up the relationship.

Victoria's Secret can do that and there are no "actors" who have no business being involved in the relationship by way of viewing. (I'm trying to be careful here and deal with principles....this is a difficult topic)

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by philjones

Renda,

While I understand the wiring issue... more and more women are becoming addicted to Porn. Do you think this might be the reason women are becoming more and more aggressive in their sexual pursuits? I certainly believe that more and more women are emotionally detached from the entire process and are becoming predators. Take the female teacher/young pupil events of the last decade. Most of these events are not classic pedophilia but do reflect a predatory characteristic in women that has not been seen in the past.

I'm not sure I can answer this at all. I do believe there is an increase in both sexes dealing with porn and infidelity too.

Men were the unfaithful ones, seems just as many woman these days are giving their husbands reason for divorce by being unfaithful.

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by philjones

Felicity,

I don't think PP was threating to leave. I had mentioned that I was going to leave to avoid potential eruptions that seem to be common between PP and me. I didn't want to see this QUALITY thread ruined. PP took it wrong and made his statement in reference to some perceived influence that i have on some folks, inducing them to leave because I was.

It's a very important topic. I hope that the discussion which I think has been very good so far continues.

There are so many broken, hurting people in the church today. We see the "outward" and it may look as if people have it all together but way down deep in their hearts, souls and psyches are hurts and problems and issues that only God can see.

These often manifest themselves by the kinds of things being discussed in this thread and under the topic heading. Mindsets and behavior patterns can be very difficult to fix and to break and even though a person has been born again and set free from a lot of junk there are still going to be struggles in certain areas. Not all struggle with the same things or deal with it in the same way either.

Man (and woman) have struggled since the beginning of time with these things. It doesn't make somebody a bad person because they do.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by ManOfWord

I am very cautious not to intrude into the "bedroom" of saints. I don't even talk about "specifics" neither do I believe that I have to. I deal with principles. However, I have found that some men whose wives (I'm trying to be careful here) are not "responsive" to their "advances" will be more prone to this type of behavior. The serious problem (other than them viewing the sinful material) is expecting their spouse to behave like what they are viewing. The marriage goes downhill quick from there.

If their spouse won't go down that "road," they may even enter an illicit affair. So this whole thing is a bad deal all the way around. I personally don't think couples should be involved in this stuff at all. I don't buy the excuse that it spices up the relationship.

Victoria's Secret can do that and there are no "actors" who have no business being involved in the relationship by way of viewing. (I'm trying to be careful here and deal with principles....this is a difficult topic)

Very good posts and it is a difficult topic, but one that I think is very important.

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

I would say he need to be spokened to by the elders and if no repentance then sit him down or even rebuke him openly.

Perhaps. But how does that deal with the real issue ..... which is of course the reason for the behavior? Like I said earlier, there are oftentimes deep-seated issues involved in why this kind of thing happens. Rebuking someone doesn't fix the problem!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Felicity

Perhaps. But how does that deal with the real issue ..... which is of course the reason for the behavior? Like I said earlier, there are oftentimes deep-seated issues involved in why this kind of thing happens. Rebuking someone doesn't fix the problem!

Exactly! There usually is a deep-seated problem and until the real reason for the actions is handled, the behavior will not change.

[Margies3]

I may be very naive, but I'm sitting here thinking that if a pastor finds out from a person that they are having a problem with porn, wouldn't it seem that the person is crying out for help?

I would assume that if a person doesn't want someone interfering with their addiction while at the same time knowing what the church teaches regarding porn, they would do all in their power to keep things a secret. Correct???

In that case, my feeling would be that if someone is asking for help, the cruelest (and least wise) thing a person could do would be to bring more attention to the problem by sitting someone down or disciplining in any way. Why discipline? If the person is asking for help, then God has already done the disciplining. At least that would be my view of how this works.

But then I'm VERY glad that I am not a pastor and don't have to deal with things like this. God bless and guide those of you who are in that position is my prayer!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Margies3

I may be very naive, but I'm sitting here thinking that if a pastor finds out from a person that they are having a problem with porn, wouldn't it seem that the person is crying out for help?

I would assume that if a person doesn't want someone interfering with their addiction while at the same time knowing what the church teaches regarding porn, they would do all in their power to keep things a secret. Correct???

In that case, my feeling would be that if someone is asking for help, the cruelest (and least wise) thing a person could do would be to bring more attention to the problem by sitting someone down or disciplining in any way. Why discipline? If the person is asking for help, then God has already done the disciplining. At least that would be my view of how this works.

But then I'm VERY glad that I am not a pastor and don't have to deal with things like this. God bless and guide those of you who are in that position is my prayer!

What if the person is the pastor or at least someone in ministry? I think that's what PP is asking. How do you handle that?

[ManOfWord]

Originally Posted by Margies3

I may be very naive, but I'm sitting here thinking that if a pastor finds out from a person that they are having a problem with porn, wouldn't it seem that the person is crying out for help?

I would assume that if a person doesn't want someone interfering with their addiction while at the same time knowing what the church teaches regarding porn, they would do all in their power to keep things a secret. Correct???

In that case, my feeling would be that if someone is asking for help, the cruelest (and least wise) thing a person could do would be to bring more attention to the problem by sitting someone down or disciplining in any way. Why discipline? If the person is asking for help, then God has already done the disciplining. At least that would be my view of how this works.

But then I'm VERY glad that I am not a pastor and don't have to deal with things like this. God bless and guide those of you who are in that position is my prayer!

I think this is very wise. That is exactly the conclusion I would come to! If someone is asking, they want free!