What ever it takes.

[endtimer]

Some things are just too awful to forgive without divine intervention. Up until my early thirties I had always found a way to forgive or at least think I forgave offenses that came at me. I was able to forgive an abusive father, ministers who had hurt me, friends who let me down, and a number of things I just no longer remember, but this one hurdle I just couldn't get over. I was raised around the church and my mom and dads church friends. As a teen, I had no interest in God, church and its people. My mom and dads friends really seemed like nice people on the surface, they "looked" pentecostal, they are hard working and were generous. All these are respectable things however, I didn't trust them much but was always respectful to them as they were my elders.

After graduating high school I came to an altar of repentance and began my pursuit of Jesus. It wasn't long that I felt God was calling me into ministry and confirmation of that calling followed. After 12 years or so doing home bible studies, teaching Sunday school and doing what ever I could do to help see people won to Christ, I started to get invitations to preach at my home church and other local churches. Of course, the neigh sayers came out of the wood work, some family and long time family friends in the church. Mostly just questioning my ability and credentials. Truth was, I knew I couldn't preach my way out of a wet paper bag. They were right, I couldn’t preach well but none of them spent late nights with me agonizing in prayer and fasting for direction of my life.

I knew God called me and the criticism didn't get to me. After a few years, I was then in my early 30s, things came to a head with my parents friends, by this time some of them would mock me when I preached, criticize me on the phone (yes, I got reports from some that meant well). They just caused so much trouble for my pastor and I. Their biggest complaint about me was my loyalty to my pastor as they grew to hate him. Its a weird thing, many of them left their previous church because that pastor was a “bad guy” too. Their new pastor who they now hated was considered to have gone “charismatic” and was constantly compared to the old pastor and how he didn’t measure up. It was a very weird dynamic.

Ill never forget the week they all left, dragging a few, what I would call innocent people and new converts with them out of the church. The phone lines were hot with gossip that week. I hated to see the state these people were in. I hated that new converts were effected by the mess they had made. Here Is where my heart was broken, they called my parents (they remained neutral, I guess), they called my brother and he took up for them and echoed some of their accusations against me (he didn't like my pastor either), citing that they were all "good" people and had a legit complaint. I was wounded, they hit me where it hurt the most and they knew it. I have to admit I was lost in a sea of emotion, hurt, anger and some times pity for myself and for them but most of the time it was just hurt. I proclaimed forgiveness for them but really I just stayed busy with ministry and was distracted from my pain. Truth was, I wasn’t sure what forgiveness looked like in situations like these. I struggled with bitterness, justifying it with their actions. I know God saw what they did but He also saw how I responded to it.

My wife and I suffered many things over the next few years, debilitating health problems, loss of a good job, the loss of our beloved home that I had so much time invested in. I was preaching revivals, seeing great results but those phone calls dried up. I had to work odd jobs, fixing semi trucks, cleaning carpets, working for minimum wage while my friends prospered all around me. We had to move in with the wife's family, man was that tough! All this craziness was happening, lay-off after lay-off, heart-break after heart-break, I still struggled with forgiveness for those that hurt me, my parents for still hanging out with them and my brother who helped their cause. I often wondered where God was in all of this. Didn't He see my struggle to forgive and let it go? Didn't He see my health problems, how they plagued me? Didn't He see my ministry dry up right before my eyes?

My grandfather, sadly, lost his battle with cancer one spring morning. Funeral arrangements were made, grandmother asked me to have some remarks, I complied. It was a bright early spring day, the church was packed and all the speakers were seated on the platform. I was seated behind one of the ministers who would speak, nervous at the idea of speaking at a funeral, sad for my families loss. I loved my grandfather. Would I break down into a heap and cry while speaking? Questions, emotions, weariness, that dull, empty feeling lay in the pit of my stomach as I nervously awaited my turn to publicly remember grandpa. The service was just minutes from starting when they walked through the back door of the sanctuary. They, the ones who trashed me, laughed at my preaching and lied about me to my family. It was my parents church friends. There to pay their respects to my grandfather and support my mom and dad. My injured heart reeled, can I ever get away from these people? Will they mock me for my comments? Cant I at least mourn out of the presence of my enemy? Dramatic I know, but I was injured further than I had ever realized.

The clock was ticking, my grandfather was laid out in front of the altar, I was on the platform trying to pull it together before I had to speak and there they were in the audience. Funny how God moves. My mind began to drift away from my agitators to my grandpa and the state he was in. He's dead, he wouldn't care who was here, I began to think. My wondering thoughts were interrupted by that still, small voice "You wouldn't care who was here either if you were dead". This was God and I knew what He meant. My fleshly reasoning was dictating my every thought and action in this matter and I would never get over this thing unless I put my flesh to death. At first I planned to ignore them in the receiving line at the end of service. I know this was childish but I want to be transparent with you. After God dealt with me I decided I wasn’t going to do what my flesh wanted to do, I was going to shake their hands and thank them for coming. No, I was going to hug their necks and tell them I loved them! I was now very determined to go against every thing my injured ego was telling me to do. Comments were made, sweet memories were shared and there I stood next to the casket receiving and giving hugs. Determination filled my heart as I shook the hands and hugged the necks of two of my biggest critics. Determination to do the right thing turned in to compassion, compassion turned into forgiveness, forgiveness turned into healing for my hurting heart in the seconds that we embraced.

God did see all my hurt and struggles. He heard my prayers. When I was wanting God to arrange better job and ministerial opportunities, He was in the back ground all the while working towards healing for my life. Yes, some things are just too awful to forgive without divine intervention.

[navygoat1998]

Brother ET, Thank you for sharing.

[Cindy]

I am in awe of our God and his love for us all.

[endtimer]

Originally Posted by navygoat1998

Brother ET, Thank you for sharing.

My pleasure. I just had to get that out. My wife and I have so much to be thankful for. Our lives will never be the same after these last seven years.

[Dordrecht]

Originally Posted by Cindy

I am in awe of our God and his love for us all.

Amen....I agree, Cindy!

[Esther]

Forgiveness is essential for salvation, but also it heals you not necessarily the person you forgive.

[MawMaw]

Awesome testimony Endtimer.
Thank you for sharing with us.
I'm sure it will help many.

[KeptByTheWord]

What a powerful and life changing testimony! I thought of the scripture in James 5:16 where it says "confess your faults one to another, and pray ye one for another that ye may be healed."

We simply cannot forgive by our own will. But as your words spoke so powerfully, only JESUS can take the ugliness of these things, and turn it into something beautiful.

My husband and I have been powerfully hurt by those closest to us also, on different occasions. The wounds of friends hurt much worse than the wounds of enemies. (King David was the one who talked a lot about that!) I have learned the power of love and forgiveness in those situations, and how it works a greater good than I could ever have imagined.

What a powerful message of forgiveness you now have because of your willingness to submit your flesh to the will of God in this situation, and what a beautiful thing was able to come of it.

I never cease to be amazed at the powerful... and creative.... work of God's love and forgiveness! Thank you for sharing your testimony... may the Lord continue to work mightily through your ministry!

[endtimer]

To paraphrase the words of Shreck.... We are like onions, complex with all of our layers of thought, emotion and behavior. God used so many circumstances to deal with me, it was nuts, the kind of stuff that you would read about in somebodys book but never thought it could happen to you. That was me and God showed up miraculously so often, I am amazed at Him. He would just peal back layer after layer over time and deal with it, Im talking about stuff that reaches all the way back to my childhood. We reach for things we think we need but God always has His eye on the internal and eternal needs. I am in awe of the process that God has brought me through. After 5 years of unemployment and under employment, layoffs and let downs the Lord woke me up New Years Day 2011 with these words "This year, I will restore you", ten days later a company that I worked for as a temp 3 years before, called me and offered me a full time position at good pay and benefits. A month later my wife was offered a position above her education level that doubled her pay and benefits. These are just a few things that God has done in the 5 years or so. I tear up as I type this out because Im an average joe just trying to live out his potential in Christ. Gods ways truly are above our ways.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by endtimer

To paraphrase the words of Shreck.... We are like onions, complex with all of our layers of thought, emotion and behavior. God used so many circumstances to deal with me, it was nuts, the kind of stuff that you would read about in somebodys book but never thought it could happen to you. That was me and God showed up miraculously so often, I am amazed at Him. He would just peal back layer after layer over time and deal with it, Im talking about stuff that reaches all the way back to my childhood. We reach for things we think we need but God always has His eye on the internal and eternal needs. I am in awe of the process that God has brought me through. After 5 years of unemployment and under employment, layoffs and let downs the Lord woke me up New Years Day 2011 with these words "This year, I will restore you", ten days later a company that I worked for as a temp 3 years before, called me and offered me a full time position at good pay and benefits. A month later my wife was offered a position above her education level that doubled her pay and benefits. These are just a few things that God has done in the 5 years or so. I tear up as I type this out because Im an average joe just trying to live out his potential in Christ. Gods ways truly are above our ways.

That is our Father, he wants good things for his children!!