Ha, I can relate, and will say that this search led me to see the different approaches to Christianity, and realize Western Christianity's...blind spot, if you will,
http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-the...ristian-Models
and that what you are describing translated for me into a sort of...clenched? wary kind of Christianity that I personally found unacceptable, and at odds with a creation centered Christianity, details in ref. Among other things, this has made Christ much less abstract, and although I talk even funnier now, and am possibly
even more suspicious of any interpretations that push Heaven to some distant tomorrow, if that's possible, it has made those periods of, what would you call it? Name that spirit--lack of assurance? mostly disappear for me. I personally would see now that part of me is telling me that youtube is a waste of time or whatever it is (lol, and you can't say you don't know here, as you already got the Word?), and take steps to address this. If it's a "drug," like youtube, limit or eliminate it, etc., the point being to trust that those thoughts have validity, and not ignore them; address them in some way. The alternative being what most people do, ignore that "shut off the youtube" whisper cuz, after all we're talking about what
I want, and then look all oblivious at the consequences, yes?