Here is the scenario. A 30 year old volunteer on the youth team falls into an inappropriate consensual relationship with a 19 yr. old college student in your student ministry that lasts approx a year and a half. According to state law, even though the relationship was consensual and the youth was of legal age, the 30 yr. old has abused their authority and committed sexual battery. The legal age thing does not apply. No remorse from the 30 yr. old. The first obvious step was to remove this person from their leadership role. But now, they are upset that they are to stay away from all things YM. They left the church somewhat dramatically 6 months ago. Many in the congregation are unaware of the gravity of their departure. And now they have shown back up, wanting to attend YM events. I believe that Grace and forgiveness have been extended. That being said, this is a line you cannot cross. The wound has been re-opened and the best scenario for everyone involved is for this individual to move on. Your comments and counsel are much appreciated.
I'm sure there are wiser voices than me here, so I would defer to them. However, having seen a church deal with similar issues in the past, I think it's important to give the individual every opportunity to be in church where God has planted them. Worshipping in church services should not come with many strings attached, and involvement in other ministries could be commensurate with their level of commitment to upholding the standards of the church.
I do agree that it would be unwise to allow this person to renew their involvement in the youth ministry, but (as someone who has had a family member in a vaguely similar situation) I would advise you to frame your decision to exclude this person from youth activities as being as much for their protection as anything else. They apparently committed a crime with their first indiscretion, and to involve them in youth activities would open them up to unecessary risk of being accused of another offense (even falsely).
It is a tricky situation, no doubt. This person is going to have to understand that being welcome to worship and being allowed to be involved in a leadership role are two different things.
Im not taking sides at the moment but was the girl involved with ministry also? usually once they graduate High school they are moved from the last of the Youth classes up into the main congregation. Usually if they stay around its to help in the youth ministry.
I think it would be wise for the protection of the 30 year old, the church, and the 19 year old that they not be involved in YM. Yet I also think they should be allowed to remain in the church.
"They"... did the two marry then? Are they still together? Or is this a different "they"?
Both should be given love and support no matter what their current situations. However, to allow the 30 year old back into leadership, even as a volunteer, within the youth group is probably asking for trouble. Explain why you can't accept the person's help in that capacity--in love--for his/her protection and the protection of the church. Then offer him/her some alternatives that would give him/her ample opportunity to serve in a capacity that doesn't involve young people. Redirect talents and energies to safer realms. Maybe he could help start a sports outreach to the community--basketball night, open gym where men could come play... and learn about God as they interact with men from the church or (if it's a woman) she could minister to the elderly through crafts, songs, or some other capacity? Or work behind the scenes to organize outings for fathers/sons (him) or mothers/daughters (her)? Help start a singles ministry for people his/her age?
edited so as not to make any "assumptions" per the post below.
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Last edited by missourimary; 06-14-2011 at 09:25 AM.
I appreciate your sincere and honest responses. To answer a couple of your questions; The student ministry is an umbrella that covers jr, sr. and college aged young people. Young people are encouraged to serve in various capacities (media, music, outreach, etc.). "They" most definitely did not get married. And although it shouldn't make a difference. The assumption that the adult is a man and that the 19 yr. old is a female is a wrong one. There is ample evidence that more indiscretions took place such as the use of alcohol. I've been in contact with some youth ministry professionals who have made suggestions such as; inform the authorities, send a letter to every parent informing them of the situation and the way the situation was handled, and it's been suggested to get the adult as far away from the church as possible (ask them to leave). I personally don't like any of these. My hope was that this woman would find a new place to attend where she could find help and move forward.
Sounds like this person is a sexual predator. Anyone in an authority position that uses that position to develop a sexual relationship is wrong and in some states criminal.
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If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8 KJV
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 KJV
Theres alot that needs to be considered in a situation like this. One thing, I think, that is often over looked is found in the story of the woman that was caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees offered no forgiveness or reconciliation. They demanded her death. Jesus, on the other hand, refused to condemn the woman. He forgave her. Then He said to her something I think churches fail to see: First, he asked the woman where her accusers were. Then he said, "Neither do I condemn thee" But then, and this is frequently overlooked, He said: "Go, and sin no more".
Someone who committed an indescretion, who has truly repented, will do as the Lord said and remove themselves from the place of indescretion. When Jesus said "Go", he was telling the woman to remove herself from the place where the sin took place. In other words, a church bookkeeper, guilty of embezzeling funds, should be removed, or remove themselves, from the opportunity for the sin to ever take place again. In the case cited, the adult youth worker, should remove him or herself from the position they held that allowed the sin to take place. If they are truly repentant, they would understand their removal is warranted and necessary.They would do as Jesus said: They would "GO"- remove themselves from the place of authority that they had abused and they would "SIN NO MORE". (seek counselling, do what is necessary to ensure this behavior will not be repeated). A church has too much at stake to not take steps to stop this type of activity. Should the guilty one be asked to leave? Not necessarily- unless the harmony of the church is threatened, but the guilty cannot be allowed to serve in a position of authority for a long while, if ever. If they are sorry for their actions, they will understand this. If not, they will move on to another church, and, sadly, to another potential victim.
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"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...." -Psa. 37:7
Waiting for the Lord is easy... Waiting patiently? Not so much.
Theres alot that needs to be considered in a situation like this. One thing, I think, that is often over looked is found in the story of the woman that was caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees offered no forgiveness or reconciliation. They demanded her death. Jesus, on the other hand, refused to condemn the woman. He forgave her. Then He said to her something I think churches fail to see: First, he asked the woman where her accusers were. Then he said, "Neither do I condemn thee" But then, and this is frequently overlooked, He said: "Go, and sin no more".
Someone who committed an indescretion, who has truly repented, will do as the Lord said and remove themselves from the place of indescretion. When Jesus said "Go", he was telling the woman to remove herself from the place where the sin took place. In other words, a church bookkeeper, guilty of embezzeling funds, should be removed, or remove themselves, from the opportunity for the sin to ever take place again. In the case cited, the adult youth worker, should remove him or herself from the position they held that allowed the sin to take place. If they are truly repentant, they would understand their removal is warranted and necessary.They would do as Jesus said: They would "GO"- remove themselves from the place of authority that they had abused and they would "SIN NO MORE". (seek counselling, do what is necessary to ensure this behavior will not be repeated). A church has too much at stake to not take steps to stop this type of activity. Should the guilty one be asked to leave? Not necessarily- unless the harmony of the church is threatened, but the guilty cannot be allowed to serve in a position of authority for a long while, if ever. If they are sorry for their actions, they will understand this. If not, they will move on to another church, and, sadly, to another potential victim.
I agree 100% 100 times! GREAT bible support too!
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