They Walk Among Us

[Esther]

These are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

[Pressing-On]

What is this?

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

[rgcraig]

#21.......lolololol!!!!!

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

#21.......lolololol!!!!!

This one would apply to me. I am so sunburned, I'm miserable!!!!

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

[rgcraig]

Don't the medical secretaries just transcribe what is dictated to them? So, maybe this needs to be actually sentences dictated incorrectly by doctors!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

This one would apply to me. I am so sunburned, I'm miserable!!!!

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Oh, I thought you meant #21 and I was wondering what you were doing sunburned THERE.

[Esther]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Don't the medical secretaries just transcribe what is dictated to them? So, maybe this needs to be actually sentences dictated incorrectly by doctors!

I'm guessing the doctors give a very brief note thinking the transcribers will fill in the details. lol

But really I think most of this is done by nurses. They have to "chart" the patients before they can leave.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Oh, I thought you meant #21 and I was wondering what you were doing sunburned THERE.

LOL! I might as well be. My pastor's wife was joking with my husband on Sunday that she knew I was naked and that's why I was so sunburned. I said, "What did you say?" He said, "I didn't say anything." I said, "You let her think I was naked?!!" "Yes."

[Esther]

These are so funny I can't decide which one I love the best.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

LOL! I might as well be. My pastor's wife was joking with my husband on Sunday that she knew I was naked and that's why I was so sunburned. I said, "What did you say?" He said, "I didn't say anything." I said, "You let her think I was naked?!!" "Yes."

So why are you sunburned?