For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by HeavenlyOne

Forgiveness is only the first step, and I agree that it must be done, but the situation is far from over even at that stage.

Unlike God, we don't forget.

Have you ever talked to an abuse counselor about things they hear about and how they deal with it? If you've never been through abuse in your life, it's difficult, if not impossible, to understand or even fathom. If you don't understand it, you can't help someone deal with it any further than you've already suggested, but sadly, that's not the end of the problem.

I would even say that often times, forgiveness is more in the middle or towards the end of the healing process. But it IS in the process, for sure.

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by nahkoe

I was in this place a good long time ago. lol If you ever want to talk, please PM me. I know you don't know me from anyone but the offer still stands. I don't know how different my path would have been with someone to just say "I know" and let me work things out. As it was, I ended up quite off track and it took God a good long time to get my attention again. I'd like to say be cautious, but I was cautious and still ended up where I did. Just know God isn't anything like what you've experienced. When you can again, seek to know Him above all else. Enjoy your peace. :-) It's really an amazing feeling when you first feel that, after being taught the only peace exists within the Church, and then to find it outside the walls.

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

Yes....same goes for me sis...anytime you want to talk you will find a friend in me....I am not put here to judge anyone and what their walk with God should be...

Thanks to both of you. I actually went through my hard time about 4 or 5 months ago. Today, I am perfectly content to not have the answers, to take my time exploring the questions, and to just live my life.

Originally Posted by nahkoe

You did a pretty good job of describing this. I was trying to work out how to say what it means to me and was coming up empty. lol



Hmph. I'd hope no one would use any of those after reading your posts. But I know there are those who will. I really hope you're 99% figure is extremely high. But again I know it's probably not that far off.

How about:
Hurting
Seeking
Sheltered
Wandering (not all that wander are lost..I love that bumper sticker..lol)
Wondering
Finding. You will find. What, I don't know. But you will.

To be honest, it doesn't really bother me what they think or say, which is why I can facetiously refer to myself as backslidden, because by their standards I am. But honestly, I have a lot more peace as a heathen then I ever did as a "saint"

Originally Posted by aquestioninggirl

I am not saying you are living bad... I am just saying I have lots of friends who are and it is a very real, very sad thing that does happen. The other sad thing is that they also feel like UPC is the only correct religion so they will not try anything else.

In a way I can understand why they think that way. For years it is ground into you that YOU are the problem. No matter how you try, you just can't seem to meet their expectations of you, let alone God's. At some point you just give up and think "since I am going to hell anyway, what's the point in trying?"

Originally Posted by aquestioninggirl

I actually started reading the Bible all over again without looking at it like I had been taught. I read it using "MY MIND" It is amazing the things that is says I have never seen or understood before.

For me, my view of the Bible has changed alot, and I don't suppose I could say anything that would give most of the people here any higher proof of my "deceived" state, than to state that I no longer believe in the concept of biblical inerrancy.

[Elizabeth]

Originally Posted by Subdued

I would even say that often times, forgiveness is more in the middle or towards the end of the healing process. But it IS in the process, for sure.

Sub have you had a chance to read any of keiths post on Sisbreezes thread?

He talks about the process one goes through to get healed, he wrote some good thoughts imo, if you have a chance to read some of his posts it might minister to you-(I hope )

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by Jeanie

Sub have you had a chance to read any of keiths post on Sisbreezes thread?

He talks about the process one goes through to get healed, he wrote some good thoughts imo, if you have a chance to read some of his posts it might minister to you-(I hope )

Yes, I've been reading that thread & have found Keith's posts quite helpful. Thank you, Jeanie!

[freeatlast]

Originally Posted by Jeanie

I am sorry I did not mean that at ALL!

My husband is a pastor and we have gone through hell --so I know it exists!

This is the part I agreed with-






I think freeatlast's remark was totally TIC as WH attitude that this thread was about "preacher bashing" and it is not.


I simply thought it was wrong to call people "THOSE ROTTEN SAINTS"

CORRECT...I know it happens...just hought it funny how someone so loviong as whole hearted could make such remarks about God's children

[Whole Hearted]

Originally Posted by freeatlast

CORRECT...I know it happens...just hought it funny how someone so loviong as whole hearted could make such remarks about God's children

Now I'm just doing what other do. They say well not all preacher are like this. Well I didn't say that all saints were rotten, but there are those certain ones.

Whats good for the preachers is good for the saints and aints.

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

Admin...I am sorry that this thread has turned to a sour note...I in no way want to tear down good churchs...or pastors...I just want the organization to see there is a problem, and if they don't do something about it...many will be lost...we are talking about souls here...we are talking about pain...and many don't recover...they walk away and never return to God...does anyone...ANYONE....want that on their head when they stand before the throne....I know I don't...I know there are good churches in the UPC...I know there are awesome men of God....but one bad apple can spoil the barrel and don't we after all....as I said want people saved!

Ah, finally! Much thanks to the admin who fixed my account so I could post. Those from FCF may remember me and I decided to sign up with the same screen name. This topic is one dear to my heart and I wanted to share concerning it.

STS, you brought up a very valid subject of spiritual abuse. While some deny it happens, some minimalize it, and some tell you to 'get over it', while others call names like 'backslid' in an attempt to discredit what is shared.....none of those things will ever negate the fact that abuse occurs in churches.

I have read a good portion of this thread and even though I deal in this area every day, I still shake my head at some of the comments made which show the writer lacks understanding. Anyone who can simply say something like, "You should have left! You have free will and two legs!" needs to learn the many things that come into play when things like this happen in a church. It's a slow indoctrinating process and the person most times doesn't realize what is happening at the time.

I'd like to be able to share some insights if members here can allow me to do so and not make this focus on me or my site. Regardless of what anyone thinks of me, spiritual abuse happens and unfortunately it happens more often than many realize. When one hears from many people all over the USA and elsewhere, over numerous years, there is a problem. It's not a small one and people need to face it. Why is it that some Christians like to "kill their own?".

Anyway, I may not get to post much until tomorrow. I was ready to previously, but there was a minor problem of getting the account activated.

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by Harmony

I have taken the time to read this thread in it’s entirety. I too have walked in the shoes of being spiritually abused. I used to post as AtaCrossroads on a different forum. When I brought up some of these same issues I was pegged as being bitter and just needed to “get over it”. I am surprised at Careym’s new take on the situation. It is refreshing. I am NOT surprised at Roxy’s stern rebukes.

This thread doesn’t scratch the surface of the subliminal rules that took place at the church I attended. There is no rule book. The closer your relationship is with God the more you will submit to the pastor in every aspect of your life. We were not able to take vacations because it was not the right timing for the Pastor…too many people would be absent. If we would have went against his decision, that would have been a mark against our “spiritual condition”…..DOES ANYONE SEE THE SPIRITUAL ABUSE???? There were families that attended this church that would take vacations without consulting and getting the approval from the pastor. As a leader we would hear the opinion of that saint's spiritual condition…..NOT GOOD!

I came to the conclusion while I was there that I would never make it. I would never please my Pastor. I would never meet their “spiritual height”….not even close. I worked at the school full time, w/four small children. I would do my best to make it to school 30 minutes before school started to get situated…I was praying “God help me to get these kids' lunches made, help me to get all this stuff gathered up in the van…Help me to make it on time!” Then the pastor would meet me at the School and ask me if I had a good word from the Lord this morning in prayer time, or did I read a good scripture. I would feel so defeated. OOOOPS I forgot to wake up at 5 and pray for an hour. Now I am not good enough to work in the school today…..not spiritual enough. I wouldn’t know what to tell the pastor. I would say some stupid thing and feel so carnal.

I did not leave God when I left the UPC. I have found my outlook on the whole world is so much better, I love being a child of God. I felt God leading me out, although it was a painful process, there were specific things that happened where God let me know his hand was on my family. He created me, He knows my heart. I am not going to allow anyone to tear my salvation away from me.

I now see how backwards that type of relationship with God is. They lead with the idea that nobody wants to really live for God and please him, we are one step from falling into hell fire. They are suspicious of everything you do. They have a magnifying glass on your life. That is how they see God. He is waiting for us to commit sin.

I do want to bring up the fact that the UPC….yes the UPC has a real problem with “UNITY”. They look at the same UPC church down the road 20 miles as backslid because they let there ladies wear their sleeves above their elbows. They are allowed to attend ball games…etc. We were told that if we changed UPC churches we would be backslidden. They also informed or family members that they believed we were walking away from God if we changed UPC churches.

I've been away this past weekend and just found this. I finally feel that I understand...no one needs to know why and probably most would not believe me if I told it all anyway. I am completely fed up with controlling pastors and will not sit back and be quiet about it, when the opportunity arises. My husband and I have a such love for you and your family...I don't suppose it will ever leave. (And believe me, I've tried.)

I recently heard Dr. James Hughes say that in order to heal we must feel pain...in the physical and the spiritual. In fact, pain is actually a sign that we are healing. I believe that I as well as many here have reached this place.

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by Sarge

Ah, finally! Much thanks to the admin who fixed my account so I could post. Those from FCF may remember me and I decided to sign up with the same screen name. This topic is one dear to my heart and I wanted to share concerning it.

STS, you brought up a very valid subject of spiritual abuse. While some deny it happens, some minimalize it, and some tell you to 'get over it', while others call names like 'backslid' in an attempt to discredit what is shared.....none of those things will ever negate the fact that abuse occurs in churches.

I have read a good portion of this thread and even though I deal in this area every day, I still shake my head at some of the comments made which show the writer lacks understanding. Anyone who can simply say something like, "You should have left! You have free will and two legs!" needs to learn the many things that come into play when things like this happen in a church. It's a slow indoctrinating process and the person most times doesn't realize what is happening at the time.

I'd like to be able to share some insights if members here can allow me to do so and not make this focus on me or my site. Regardless of what anyone thinks of me, spiritual abuse happens and unfortunately it happens more often than many realize. When one hears from many people all over the USA and elsewhere, over numerous years, there is a problem. It's not a small one and people need to face it. Why is it that some Christians like to "kill their own?".

Anyway, I may not get to post much until tomorrow. I was ready to previously, but there was a minor problem of getting the account activated.

Sarge...I'm so glad you joined us here.

I'm sure you can offer much to those who read and are in need of peace and healing in their lives.

And bring understanding to those among us who think they aren't being affected by it.

Originally Posted by The Mrs

Sarge...I'm so glad you joined us here.

I'm sure you can offer much to those who read and are in need of peace and healing in their lives.

And bring understanding to those among us who think they aren't being affected by it.

Thanks, The Mrs. I see familiar faces, so to speak, in this thread.

It can be difficult discussing a sensitive issue like this in an open forum. You've seen what can happen.

Understand that my responses are slowed down right now until I am removed from moderated status.

The most difficult aspect of spiritual abuse is when the person leaves God, a point that was touched on in this thread. Everyone handles an unhealthy church environment somewhat differently, though there are basic things that occur. To have someone exposed to this and then give up with God is one extreme that can occur.

I have always felt for those who cannot seem to separate the false understanding of God from how God really is. If I could, I'd wipe that away from everyone it affects. There are even cases where the person realizes that God isn't how they perceived Him to be due to the unhealthy teachings, but they cannot seem to totally break from that and yet are concerned God may be that way.

What I am speaking of is the view of God as a harsh taskmaster- never really pleased with us, maybe even anxiously awaiting for us to mess up somehow so He can do away with us or have the rapture take place so we'd be left behind. People give up because they feel they can never measure up, not realizing the expectations are not God's, but man's.

You have people right on this board who are presently in this state and have stopped pursuing much of a walk with God because their view is so distorted. Or, they are yet in the unhealthy church and regularly become fearful that they aren't right with God because he expects so much and sometimes even changes the rules along the way (their perception).

There is help for either state. One doesn't have to remain there.

There's soooo many aspects of this subject. If you've been hurt in this way, you don't have to remain negatively affected. If you are angry or bitter, you can get past there. If you are confused as to what God wants, you can know. If you are having trouble differentiating between man's rules and God's, you can have clarity. If Bible passages trigger times where the scriptures were used against you, you can overcome that and read the Bible again with proper understanding.

There is always hope for anyone who has been touched by spiritual abuse. There is no case that is too difficult or hurtful to overcome with the help of God. One doesn't have to remain where they are, no matter how difficult the road ahead may be.