Triple E's LOL Zone

[rgcraig]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."



Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now."



Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

[TRIPLE E]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."



Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now."



Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

Good jokes on the Eve of saint patrick's!

[Malvaro]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[Esther]

LOST IN THE ODDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her
cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

[Warmbee]

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox, when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
----the car isn't washed,
----the bills aren't paid,
----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
----the flowers don't have enough water,
----there is still only 1 check in my check book,
----I can't find the remote,
----I can't find my glasses,
----and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.


Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.


P.S I just remembered.
I LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE DRIVEWAY!

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous
girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get
her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi,
I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and
straighten your tie; you walk up to her and compliment her
hair. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she
drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm
very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to
you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
say, "I'm rich. Marry me." She gives you a nice hard slap on
your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

[TRIPLE E]

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the
road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside
the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for
you, one for me, one for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to
walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one
for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if
we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get
those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid
on the bike.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Thanks for picking up on the slack in the Humor Section TripleE

[TRIPLE E]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Thanks for picking up on the slack in the Humor Section TripleE

No problemo!

[TRIPLE E]

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event
that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his
essay.

It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."

"Oh, my!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"

"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."