Triple E's LOL Zone

SIGNS THAT YOUR BAPTISM IS NOT GOING LIKE IT SHOULD

8. The Coast Guard becomes involved.
7. The service is held at 'Splash Mountain Water Park.'
6. The Pastor has to wear a frogman outfit complete with air tanks into the water.
5. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from JAWS.
4. The preacher uses plastic animated Billy the Bass singing 'Take Me To The River' instead of the traditional 'Shall We Gather At The River'.
3. You keep hearing the pastor say, 'Oops. Honestly, sister I didn't know about that drop-off.'
2. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear and packing a cooler.
1. Two words: Alka Seltzer.

[HeavenlyOne]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just
outside of Washington , Nothing is moving north or south.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his
window and asks, "What happened?" "What's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have take over the offices of Congress. They've mkidnapped
Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson Jr., Al Sharpton, Harry
Reid,
Barak Obama, Dick Durbin, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and John Kerry.

They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are
going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are
going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."

[TRIPLE E]

Originally Posted by MrsBOOMM

SIGNS THAT YOUR BAPTISM IS NOT GOING LIKE IT SHOULD

8. The Coast Guard becomes involved.
7. The service is held at 'Splash Mountain Water Park.'
6. The Pastor has to wear a frogman outfit complete with air tanks into the water.
5. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from JAWS.
4. The preacher uses plastic animated Billy the Bass singing 'Take Me To The River' instead of the traditional 'Shall We Gather At The River'.
3. You keep hearing the pastor say, 'Oops. Honestly, sister I didn't know about that drop-off.'
2. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear and packing a cooler.
1. Two words: Alka Seltzer.

Really liked # 5!

[TRIPLE E]

Here's a serious Thought for today:

There was a preacher who was interviewing with a church search committee. An English teacher headed the committee, and was very concerned that the future pastor spoke properly. "When the hen is on the nest, does she sit or set?" he asked the candidate. The hopeful preacher was frustrated. He didn’t know what to say, and his career was on the line. Finally he replied, "It really doesn’t matter if she’s sitting or setting. What I want to know is this: when she cackles is she laying or lying?"

Finding on of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, 'Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.' Bobby looked up and innocently replied, 'Well, Ms Smith you can't say you weren't warned.'

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, ''Why are you arguing?' One boy answered, 'We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie'. 'You should be ashamed of yourselves,' said the teacher. 'When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.' The boys gave the ten dollar bill to the teacher.

Just one more....
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to bits. Unhurt, he climbed down from the cab and looked around. In minutes, a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men from the crew each picked up a broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy white substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Amazing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 2000-year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, Texas A&M scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology."

[TRIPLE E]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 2000-year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, Texas A&M scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology."