How close should a pastor get to the members?

[aak1972]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Sheep follow shepherds who love them like women submit to husbands who love them \.

So its all conditional to you? From reading some of your post you will adhere to a pastor only if you think they love you. I dont understand where you are coming from.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Maple Leaf,

It is obvious many of you believe this but I haven't seen many if any at all ...Pastors that would lay down their lives for saints. Many of the Pastors want to discard any saints that disagree with anything or battle with things that others don't understand.

Rhoni, MOST of the pastors I have known have willingly spent their lives serving the congregation. Preaching, teaching & ministering, expecting and receiving very little in return.

To me it seems idealistic in today's society, with today's pastors to SERVE. They want served, trusted, obeyed...but what is the point of reference for doing this? New converts are quick to do all these things but many of us who have been hurt, wounded by Pastors would not just unconditionally trust, serve, and least of all obey.

I still question the interpretation of scriptures that would even allude to giving allegiance to a Pastor unconditionally. I just can't drink the .

Just being honest here.

Respectfully, Rhoni

I don't see how referring to a pastor as a shepherd (of the flock) does that. How does that equate to "giving allegiance to a Pastor unconditionally?" There's no koolaid to drink. Shepherds are caretakers, and look after the best interests of the flock. How is that analogy far off from what a pastor is supposed to do?

Regardless, Maple Leaf is right about the definition of pastor, AND scripture clearly instructs the elders/overseers to look after the "flock." If you're going to use scripture to form your opinions, then clearly...you are wrong!

[Ron]

Originally Posted by Michael Phelps

When I read this post, I feel sad for you, Rhoni.

In my experience, there are many pastors who would "lay down their lives" for the saints, and its unfortunate that you've had experiences that cause you to characterize the bulk of the ministry in this fashion.

Originally Posted by Rhoni

You know what Michael Phelps,

I feel sorry for me too...you don't know how much. I have no good point of reference for such a Pastor, or a husband.

Sorrowfully,
Rhoni

Amen!

Rhoni, I really think you need to take your own advice & seek counsel from a Spiritual elder, be that Pastor, Elder, Peer, or even professional Counseling.

There are some things you need to let go of.
It is too costly & too burdensome to carry them.

Praying for you!

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Rhoni.

Were you not this kind of pastor/pastor wife when you were pastoring? Seems after your bad experience your outlook changed.

Renda,
There was always a difference between how my ex was raised in a pastor's home and how I was raised in a prayer warriors home.

I saw he, and his family, turn on people who disagreed with them and would not speak or acknowledge them on the street...so much for the love they showed. I was surprised when they directed the same behavior toward me but shouldn't have been since I was forewarned.

On the other hand, I loved the people, and those who have wronged me I still love, and the Pastor's whom I have sat under - I still love, but I can't trust any of them to know or do what is in my best interest.

The worst guilt I ever felt did not belong to me. I respected and loved the previous Pastor and his family that was in the pastorate of the UPCI church that we eventually Pastored ourselves. I hosted a Mother and Daughter banquet and wanted the previous Pastor's wife to come, and even speak as one of her daughters, a missionaries wife was attending our church. The church board would not alllow her to come and I resented them for that. I didn't know that former Pastor's wives were no longer welcome in the assembly they once loved and Pastored.

I am confused about so many things right now. This pastor business in only one of them.

I hope this answers your question.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Ron

Amen!

Rhoni, I really think you need to take your own advice & seek counsel from a Spiritual elder, be that Pastor, Elder, Peer, or even professional Counseling.

There are some things you need to let go of.
It is too costly & too burdensome to carry them.

Praying for you!

I would only trust a professional counselor. I do not trust pastors or elders which is my point. BTW, I am going to a therapist and only because all this stuff is bogging me down.

[Michael Phelps]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

I would only trust a professional counselor. I do not trust pastors or elders which is my point.

Wow.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by aak1972

So its all conditional to you? From reading some of your post you will adhere to a pastor only if you think they love you. I dont understand where you are coming from.

It is not about love...it is about trust.

[rgcraig]

I guess it varies between people how they choose to handle situations.

We had a terrible experience in the first church we assisted. But, I don't judge all pastor/ministers by that one experience. It was HIS problem - not ours.

I hate that you feel there's never been anyone you can trust. Maybe your expectations are too high.

[aak1972]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

I would only trust a professional counselor. I do not trust pastors or elders which is my point. BTW, I am going to a therapist and only because all this stuff is bogging me down.

A pastor should never be used as council on any personal,legal or business matters. A pastors job is to lead his flock to Heaven.

[aak1972]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

It is not about love...it is about trust.

I can understand some of your points. My wife was married to her pastors son and it got kinda ugly and she told me she seen a side of them that was not pretty.