Thou shalt beat him with the rod...

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by Azzan

I never was much for spanking but I did do it on occasion when all else failed. But I found the most effective tool in disciplining my girls quite by accident one day. You would have thought the world had come to an end when they had to surrender their cell phone!

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by Cindy

I think a lot of children get spanked because the adult is frustrated, and thinks that pain will stop certain behaviors. It might work for some, and for some others, it won't.

I think that's true of alot of punishment in general.

[MissBrattified]

I'm not completely opposed to spanking, and we have spanked our children a FEW times. However, it is such an overused and abused method (and in my opinion, often the lazy way out), that I wish churches in particular would discourage its use altogether. There are SO many ways to discipline your children without resorting to physical pain. And frankly, we resorted to it more when we were young and dumb.

Our children did get more spankings when they were between the ages of 4 and 7/8 than any other time, because after that--you can reason with them. The first time I spanked my son was for running out into the road--when I caught him, I swatted his bottom. It surprised him, since he had never been spanked before. The girls got spankings for running away to have a "grand adventure" one time, and then they got lost in the woods and the Sheriff had to be called. THAT was quite an ordeal.

We never spanked them when they were little. Why would anyone spank a baby? They're BABIES! They might learn that they can elicit a response from you, they might "play games" like "throw the bowl on the floor and watch Mommy pick it up" but they can't truly differentiate between right and wrong until they're much older. There is no reason EVER to hit an infant. I don't care if they're kicking, screaming, flailing, and foaming at the mouth. I can see swatting a toddler to get their attention, but even then, it should be mild, IMO. I saw a guy in our previous church whack his little boy on the back so hard (yes, "back"--not backside) that he knocked him off the church pew and into the floor. The loud *thwack* was a terrible sound. Then he turned around and jerked him up off the floor as if the kid did something wrong by falling. That is crazy, stupid, ignorant behavior. If whatever you're doing isn't for the good of the child, then it doesn't deserve to be called "discipline." Far too many parents slap or spank their kids because they're annoyed, angry, feeling harassed, or their kids have embarrassed them. It's a vitriolic response to their emotions; NOT discipline.

On the average day we verbally correct, remove privileges or send them to their rooms if they need a cool down. Depending on the offense, they might have to spend the day helping their Daddy to yard work or maybe inherit kitchen duty for a couple of meals.

In spite of very rare spankings, our kids are pretty well-behaved. So far, so good. Not too many major temper tantrums or really rebellious behavior.

One thing I do NOT believe in is slapping a child in the face. I think that's one of the most demeaning things you can do, and I've never seen it done when it wasn't out of anger. I wouldn't want them to EVER think it was okay.

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by jfrog

Then name a few of those consequences pragmatist. I got the idea you were against timeouts and spanking. So what else is there?

And I agree that you DON'T ALWAYS have to do something the child doesn't like in order to teach them. But sometimes you must.

Originally Posted by jfrog

none of those are things you are things that your child doesn't like are they? that was my question... what can you do that a child doesn't like. I'm still waiting.

As for consequences, they depend entirely on the situation. If they ignore me in favor of the television, the television goes off. But, then board games come out and everyone has a blast anyhow. If they are outside and neglect to tell me where they are, then they do not go outside without me. But, because going outside is so important to their physical and mental well being, I do go outside with them. This seems to be becoming more effective as my children are reaching the age where they'd rather not be with me 100% of the time. If they make a mess, they clean it up, or help clean it up, depending on their age and capability. If they speak to me disrespectfully, I walk away. They know I do not tolerate this. They are welcome to say anything to me, with respect.

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I'm not completely opposed to spanking, and we have spanked our children a FEW times. However, it is such an overused and abused method (and in my opinion, often the lazy way out), that I wish churches in particular would discourage its use altogether. There are SO many ways to discipline your children without resorting to physical pain. And frankly, we resorted to it more when we were young and dumb.

Our children did get more spankings when they were between the ages of 4 and 7/8 than any other time, because after that--you can reason with them. The first time I spanked my son was for running out into the road--when I caught him, I swatted his bottom. It surprised him, since he had never been spanked before. The girls got spankings for running away to have a "grand adventure" one time, and then they got lost in the woods and the Sheriff had to be called. THAT was quite an ordeal.

We never spanked them when they were little. Why would anyone spank a baby? They're BABIES! They might learn that they can elicit a response from you, they might "play games" like "throw the bowl on the floor and watch Mommy pick it up" but they can't truly differentiate between right and wrong until they're much older. There is no reason EVER to hit an infant. I don't care if they're kicking, screaming, flailing, and foaming at the mouth. I can see swatting a toddler to get their attention, but even then, it should be mild, IMO. I saw a guy in our previous church whack his little boy on the back so hard (yes, "back"--not backside) that he knocked him off the church pew and into the floor. The loud *thwack* was a terrible sound. Then he turned around and jerked him up off the floor as if the kid did something wrong by falling. That is crazy, stupid, ignorant behavior. If whatever you're doing isn't for the good of the child, then it doesn't deserve to be called "discipline." Far too many parents slap or spank their kids because they're annoyed, angry, feeling harassed, or their kids have embarrassed them. It's a vitriolic response to their emotions; NOT discipline.

On the average day we verbally correct, remove privileges or send them to their rooms if they need a cool down. Depending on the offense, they might have to spend the day helping their Daddy to yard work or maybe inherit kitchen duty for a couple of meals.

In spite of very rare spankings, our kids are pretty well-behaved. So far, so good. Not too many major temper tantrums or really rebellious behavior.

One thing I do NOT believe in is slapping a child in the face. I think that's one of the most demeaning things you can do, and I've never seen it done when it wasn't out of anger. I wouldn't want them to EVER think it was okay.

[Pragmatist]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I'm not completely opposed to spanking, and we have spanked our children a FEW times. However, it is such an overused and abused method (and in my opinion, often the lazy way out), that I wish churches in particular would discourage its use altogether. There are SO many ways to discipline your children without resorting to physical pain. And frankly, we resorted to it more when we were young and dumb.

Our children did get more spankings when they were between the ages of 4 and 7/8 than any other time, because after that--you can reason with them. The first time I spanked my son was for running out into the road--when I caught him, I swatted his bottom. It surprised him, since he had never been spanked before. The girls got spankings for running away to have a "grand adventure" one time, and then they got lost in the woods and the Sheriff had to be called. THAT was quite an ordeal.

We never spanked them when they were little. Why would anyone spank a baby? They're BABIES! They might learn that they can elicit a response from you, they might "play games" like "throw the bowl on the floor and watch Mommy pick it up" but they can't truly differentiate between right and wrong until they're much older. There is no reason EVER to hit an infant. I don't care if they're kicking, screaming, flailing, and foaming at the mouth. I can see swatting a toddler to get their attention, but even then, it should be mild, IMO. I saw a guy in our previous church whack his little boy on the back so hard (yes, "back"--not backside) that he knocked him off the church pew and into the floor. The loud *thwack* was a terrible sound. Then he turned around and jerked him up off the floor as if the kid did something wrong by falling. That is crazy, stupid, ignorant behavior. If whatever you're doing isn't for the good of the child, then it doesn't deserve to be called "discipline." Far too many parents slap or spank their kids because they're annoyed, angry, feeling harassed, or their kids have embarrassed them. It's a vitriolic response to their emotions; NOT discipline.

On the average day we verbally correct, remove privileges or send them to their rooms if they need a cool down. Depending on the offense, they might have to spend the day helping their Daddy to yard work or maybe inherit kitchen duty for a couple of meals.

In spite of very rare spankings, our kids are pretty well-behaved. So far, so good. Not too many major temper tantrums or really rebellious behavior.

One thing I do NOT believe in is slapping a child in the face. I think that's one of the most demeaning things you can do, and I've never seen it done when it wasn't out of anger. I wouldn't want them to EVER think it was okay.

Some of the worst parenting I've seen has been at church. And I think ignorant pastors are to blame when they advocate spanking without any other teaching. Then there are truly horrible books written by people such as Michael Pearl, Gary Ezzo, and Ted Tripp that claim that their way is the only Christian way to parent.

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by Phoenix

As for consequences, they depend entirely on the situation. If they ignore me in favor of the television, the television goes off. But, then board games come out and everyone has a blast anyhow. If they are outside and neglect to tell me where they are, then they do not go outside without me. But, because going outside is so important to their physical and mental well being, I do go outside with them. This seems to be becoming more effective as my children are reaching the age where they'd rather not be with me 100% of the time. If they make a mess, they clean it up, or help clean it up, depending on their age and capability. If they speak to me disrespectfully, I walk away. They know I do not tolerate this. They are welcome to say anything to me, with respect.

And what do you do if they refuse to clean up a mess?

[jfrog]

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

Some of the worst parenting I've seen has been at church. And I think ignorant pastors are to blame when they advocate spanking without any other teaching. Then there are truly horrible books written by people such as Michael Pearl, Gary Ezzo, and Ted Tripp that claim that their way is the only Christian way to parent.

Isn't that what you are doing?

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Azzan

I never was much for spanking but I did do it on occasion when all else failed. But I found the most effective tool in disciplining my girls quite by accident one day. You would have thought the world had come to an end when they had to surrender their cell phone!

LOL!!!! That works great in our house, too. Since our girls are homeschooled, their main social outlets are their phones and facebook. Very easy to get them to step back into line with a threat to the phone or computer.

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by jfrog

And what do you do if they refuse to clean up a mess?

That's not an issue I deal with often. It's just what they do from the time they're tiny. Make a mess, clean it up. I can think of a few times when my older children have tried to avoid cleaning something I asked them to clean. Not necessarily a mess they've made, just general house work. It simply waits until they're ready to do it. I don't nag or make a big deal out of it, but if they ask for something (to go to a friend's house, out for coffee with me, etc) they are reminded of what needs to be finished first.