Spiritual Stalkers

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Just don't answer the phone. Be consistently unavailable.

Yes, or buy an answering machine. They are relatively cheap.

You can use one of these messages. They probably will be afraid to call back.

"You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"

or

Roses are red
booger's are green
please leave your message on this stupid machine .

or


Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.


or

[scotty]

or

"If this is the delivery driver, the goats go in the woods behind the house, if you are a cult member then sacrifices start at 10 and Dancing with snakes starts at 11.."

[Pressing-On]

Or

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

[Pressing-On]

Or

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

[Pressing-On]

Or (what am I doing with my time?! (lol)

I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

[Pressing-On]

or

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Or

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Or

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Or (what am I doing with my time?! (lol)

I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

or

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

[Dedicated Mind]

You should repent of your sins and go to church with this lady who is obviously in tune with your pitiful spiritual condition.

[Neck]

Originally Posted by My Own Eyes

About a month ago I received a call from a lady, who said that she missed me at church "last Sunday" and then proceeded to ask me how my children were.

I nicely told her that I didn't have any children, and that I hadn't been to church in a year. She asked a few questions, figured out who I was (we'd never said more than a few polite words of greeting to each other), and then proceeded to ask me all manner of questions about my spirituality and relationship with God.

I wanted to be polite, so I answered that no I didn't go to church, and simply murmured "um-hmmm" to her passionate discourse on the importance of church attendance and the dangers that were awaiting me in the end days.

Since then she has called at least 4 times. Last night she called again. When she started again about the importance of going to church, I quickly told her that I had in fact just visited a new church. However, when I answered her query with the information that it was a non-denominational church, she launched into the importance of attending an apostolic church, as it is the only true church, and how basically I'll miss the rapture and suffer horribly in the end times if I don't attend an apostolic church.

Again I listened politely, stopping her only when she asked if she could share some scriptures with me as my time could be up at any moment. (To which I replied that it was not really a good time).

My Question? How do I politely and tactfully stop this? I know that this is a product of her sincere and heartfelt beliefs. But if I simply tell her that I am fully aware of the scriptures she wants to share, and state that I feel differently on them, that will only encourage debate, or cause me to disparage her beliefs, something I do not want to do.

Any Suggestions?

Churches treat the role of fomer church goers like a business counts outstanding accounts receivable.

Don't forget to counter invite her to your new church.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by Dedicated Mind

You should repent of your sins and go to church with this lady who is obviously in tune with your pitiful spiritual condition.