Triple E's LOL Zone

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first
performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that
she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission,
watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.

At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want
to be when I grow up!"

The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years,
starring in the Ice Capades.

She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued,
"I want to be a Zamboni driver!"

[OneAccord]

... A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxidriver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of
Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

[RevDWW]

A Somali arrives
in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
United
States.

He stops the first person he
sees walking down the street and says.....

Thank you Mr. American for
letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, FREE medical care
and free education!"

The passer-by says....

"You are
mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another
passer-by.

"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in
America!"

The person says....
"I no American, I Vietnamese

The new arrival walks further, and the next
person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says..... Thank you for the
wonderful America!"

That person puts up
his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am
Not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an
American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks
her......

"Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks
her watch and says....

"Probably at work!"

[Ron]

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor
picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the
board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove
that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour
attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of
the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the student who finished
in one minute got an A.

The rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when
he had barely written anything at all.

This is what he wrote:

"What chair?"

Originally Posted by RevDWW

A Somali arrives
in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
United
States.

He stops the first person he
sees walking down the street and says.....

Thank you Mr. American for
letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, FREE medical care
and free education!"

The passer-by says....

"You are
mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another
passer-by.

"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in
America!"

The person says....
"I no American, I Vietnamese

The new arrival walks further, and the next
person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says..... Thank you for the
wonderful America!"

That person puts up
his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am
Not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an
American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks
her......

"Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks
her watch and says....

"Probably at work!"

I really like this kind of joke!

The early bird gets the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese!

This is what watching too much TV will do to you.....

Mummified body found in front of blaring TV
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Police called to a Long Island man's house discovered the mummified remains of the resident, dead for more than a year, sitting in front of a blaring television set.
The 70-year-old Hampton Bays, New York, resident, identified as Vincenzo Ricardo, appeared to have died of natural causes. Police said Saturday his body was discovered Thursday when they were called to the house over a burst water pipe.
"You could see his face. He still had hair on his head," Newsday quoted morgue assistant Jeff Bacchus as saying. The home's low humidity had preserved the body.
Officials could not explain why the electricity had not been turned off, considering Ricardo had not been heard from since December 2005.
Neighbors said when they had not seen Ricardo, who was diabetic and had been blind for years, they assumed he was in the hospital or a long-term care facility.

[LadyChocolate]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

This is what watching too much TV will do to you.....

Mummified body found in front of blaring TV
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Police called to a Long Island man's house discovered the mummified remains of the resident, dead for more than a year, sitting in front of a blaring television set.
The 70-year-old Hampton Bays, New York, resident, identified as Vincenzo Ricardo, appeared to have died of natural causes. Police said Saturday his body was discovered Thursday when they were called to the house over a burst water pipe.
"You could see his face. He still had hair on his head," Newsday quoted morgue assistant Jeff Bacchus as saying. The home's low humidity had preserved the body.
Officials could not explain why the electricity had not been turned off, considering Ricardo had not been heard from since December 2005.
Neighbors said when they had not seen Ricardo, who was diabetic and had been blind for years, they assumed he was in the hospital or a long-term care facility.

oh! that is too weird!