Do Your Kids Dress Like Bankers?

[Scott Hutchinson]

I love to wear to suits and ties,but to me as long as one is dressed modest and presentable when they attend congregational fellowship,I'm ok with that.
Most people prefer dressing up some more casual to me being modest and presentable is the main thing.
Of course non church folk might come to fellowship wearing anything,I would rather look beyond their fault and see their need.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

What does it have to do with religion? I've been to youth conventions and youth congress too, and usually there's a pretty equal mix of dressed up and the casual, funky crowd.

My daughters are free to dress how they want for youth camp and convention--as long as they're neat, modest and appropriate. I would hope that no one would criticize them whether they dress up or down.



I know what you mean by this comment, but in a way, I guess you aren't really "over" it, if other people dressing up bothers you and makes you think less of them somehow.

My daughter has a friend that comes to church with her sometimes--she comes from a terrible home--and usually when she comes over she wants to borrow something from Sarah's closet and fix her hair like the girls. And not because they embarrass her or put her down, but because she is trying to emulate them. Our church is NOT the type of place where casual dressers feel out of place.

To me, it sounds like you were projecting a little. JMO. If girls in my presence had done the same (commenting about their clothes), I would have quickly pointed out that everyone is dressed how they want to dress, and they should be comfortable in their own skin and clothes--and then enjoy the service. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable and it is NOT the fault of others! If a child or teenager draws a poor conclusion, then it should be nipped in the bud by a wiser adult--not catered to or agreed with.

I DO realize that some people wear fancy clothes and have a matching haughty attitude--but A. That's not a "religion" problem--it's a "sinful heart" problem, and B. It's just as unfair to assume there's a matching attitude behind haute couture as it is to assume there's a matching attitude behind casual attire. (e.g., casual attitude and approach to God as opposed to taking Him seriously)

I talk to my girls quite a bit about what to wear for different occasions, what's proper, what isn't, what's classy, what's not--but I also tell them all the time to be comfortable in their own skin.

Sarah, in particular, has a funky, colorful style that is definitely ALL HER OWN. She has been known to walk out of the house in colorful striped tights, brown suede boots, a t-shirt, a denim vest, frilly skirt, a blue corduroy newsboy cap and aqua-blue arm warmers. (Yes, I just described one of her actual outfits!) I don't stop her from having her own style just because I wouldn't be caught dead in ANY of that!!!! She doesn't even match sometimes, but with her personality it just somehow works.

If someone made her feel uncomfortable with their appearance only, I would give her a pep talk about how she's fine just like she is, and tell her that she has no way of knowing what that other person is really thinking or feeling! I certainly wouldn't agree with her that the other person was probably looking down on her, and shame on them for being so terrible as to look down on others by dressing in finery.

The truth is, MOST people are just people, no matter how nice their clothes are. Or how 'not' nice their clothes are.

If someone had actually said or did something rude to your girls, I might be better able to understand your post, but to assume that others have a haughty attitude simply because they are dressed up is silly.

I don't get how the presence of others being dressed up means they're responsible for the discomfort of others. Basically what you're saying is that in order for religion to not be something you are "ashamed" of, a casual rule should be imposed, and everyone who wants to be of the higher spiritual ilk should dress casual so as not to make others uncomfortable.

Personally, I think people should be able to wear whatEVER they want when they go to church, as long as it's neat and modest. Freedom needs to extend to everyone, though. It's just as limiting to tell people they shouldn't dress up as it is to tell people they can't come in casual clothes.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

ForeverBlessed, we attended the girls' basketball tournaments in Springfield, MO 2-3 weeks ago, and when we went to the award's ceremony, we had to search all over the stadium to find good seats. There were sections saved for teams, families, school groups, etc. BIG DEAL!!! LOL!!!!! It has NOTHING to do with church. For that matter, once we were seated, Jeff had to take Jeffrey to go to the bathroom, and you can be SURE that while they were gone, I was keeping their two seats open.

I wouldn't do that at "regular" church, but at youth conventions you have church groups trying to all sit together, so they don't get stuck with strangers--which, again, is important to kids.

I think it is crazy to judge a bunch of young kids for dressing up. Most teenagers like to look good for their peers--it's important to them. Look at how important it is in school! They may not dress up, but they definitely want whatever is hip and cool, if their parents can afford it. When teenagers go to large gatherings, it is NOT just for spiritual pursuits--and that is the way it should be. They're there to worship AND to socialize.

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson

I love to wear to suits and ties,but to me as long as one is dressed modest and presentable when they attend congregational fellowship,I'm ok with that.
Most people prefer dressing up some more casual to me being modest and presentable is the main thing.
Of course non church folk might come to fellowship wearing anything,I would rather look beyond their fault and see their need.

as all of us should do

[Scott Hutchinson]

Coming from the pit that I was dug out of,I need to guard from being harsh and judgemental,I used to be really critical and judgemental,and trust me I had a experience where that attitude came back to bite me.

[MissBrattified]

Well, I was in bed, but I had to get back up to post...again. This thread has actually been bothering me all afternoon. I thought and thought about it, and considered whether or not I'm full of pride, or maybe I care too much about how I present myself or how my kids present themselves, and here's the answer: No.

Edward, I don't know if you started this thread seriously, or just to be funny, but either way--it's bothersome. Do you realize how obsessed some of you are acting about other people's appearances????? To the point of judging other folks' character, motives and hearts by their outward appearance? Isn't that precisely what we want to avoid?

I am floored that anyone (Okay, LISA) would go to youth convention and spend even one second thinking negatively about the "fashion show." Go to the mall, for Pete's sake. The whole world is a fashion show, no matter whether it's casual or dressy--it's all just show. It's just appearance. Therefore--it's the least important to The Most Important.

I mentioned that my girls are in basketball, and I ferry them around to practice and games on a regular basis during the season. About 99.9% of the Moms who show up have on jeans and t-shirts. I suppose, then, that I should feel weird or awkward when I show up in my favorite black/white tweed skirt with black tights and my favorite sweater. Usually paired up with my red peacoat my mother gave me 3-4 years ago, and whichever colorful scarf I like best at the moment--last year it was granny-smith-apple-green, and this year it was a soft rainbow colored concoction I found on clearance at Target. In fact--I think that's the same skirt I wore when I had breakfast/brunch with ILG--I practically live in that thing all winter. But I digress.

The point is, I don't walk into practices and games and look around to see what everyone else is wearing before I decide to be comfortable. I'm alREADY comfortable before I walk in. I don't CARE if everyone is wearing t-shirts and blue jeans. I suppose I could wear my version of that, which would be a t-shirt, jean skirt and...okay...flats. NO tennis shoes unless I'm actually going to be playing tennis or something similar. But I don't care to. I'm ME. Abi. I wear what I like. I do what I like. I don't care overly much about my appearance, but I do take care to be presentable. I don't CARE that other mothers wear t-shirts and jeans. I barely notice them, and didn't even think about it till today when I was racking my brain for traces of a haughty, stuck-up, "religious" attitude. (One that I might need to be ashamed of.)

So my question is this: Would I be wrong to look at all those Other Mothers and think that they had something to be ashamed of for dressing casual and making me feel out of place at the basketball game? Is it THEIR fault if I feel awkward in a skirt on the bleachers? (Which I don't, btw.) Or if I suddenly have a hankerin' to run down to Old Navy and buy a pair of jeans that hug my hiney in all the right (or wrong) places, so I can fit in, and look just like them? (Which I also don't, btw.) Do I stand by the wall and quiver at the thought of speaking to those Other Mothers who look so casual, and here I am in my business casual, which is normal dress for me, except when I'm gardening? Do I need to dress like them so I can feel comfortable enough to cheer for my girls?

THAT would be wrong of ME. To put wrong motives onto a whole group of women who are doing nothing more than showing up to see their kids play or practice basketball--just like I am.

I suppose I'm just baffled that anyone would care enough about other folks' clothing choices to make it a character issue. I suppose I do wince when I see someone dressed badly. I saw a girl in Target yesterday with black lace leggings on, with a short ruffled skirt that barely covered her behind, and I thought that if it weren't for the black lace--well, thank God for small favors. But wincing about the lack of fashion sense is not the same as thinking bad of her as a PERSON!!!!!! If someone wears sandals in the winter, I'm going to think it's not very practical, and thus looks silly, but I don't think badly of THEM because of it. I think fashion is fun--but is it a really big deal? NO WAY!!! If you start using clothing to judge the state of a person's heart, well...you've done slipped on the banana peel.

...

At this point...I'm not quite sure I'm making sense. It is, after all, 1:02 AM, and I drug (dragged?) myself out of bed just to post this vent.

Here's my last word on the subject for now:

IF you go to church Sunday morning and judge people negatively for showing up in their Easter best duds, and for putting frilly lacy socks on their little girls and suits and ties on their boys, and IF you think that you are better than them because you show up in casual clothes--well, that, my friend, is the epitome of shallow. And IF you do it in reverse--it's still the same end of the pool.

Now, good night. And God bless.





No, wait.



I'm not done.




If you happen to drop by my house tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to be working in the yard. I never wear gloves to garden (I try, but end up taking them off), so my hands will be very muddy. I will have mud on the knee area of my skirt, and usually dirt on the fronts of my ankles from kneeling near the flower bed. I will have more freckles than usual, but that's another story. I will be as casual as I ever get. Probably with a scarf tied around my head, and more than likely I will have wiped my hands on the sides of my skirt several times. I have no doubt that God would accept me right at that moment--mud, scarf, freckles and all.

But come Sunday, I will be scrubbed clean, my fingernails will be trimmed to the quick and soaked until they come completely clean or bleed, whichever comes first. I will do my best to rinse all the dirt and grass out of my hair, and tone down my sunburn with a bit of powder. (Trust me--I'll have a bit of a burn--it just happens to us fair faces.) My hair will be put up neatly in a clip, as I never do fancy hairstyles unless I have someone to help me with it. And even then, I've been known to take the 'do' down and go back to simplicity. The most vain thing I'll probably do is curl my eyelashes, but that's mainly to keep them from hitting the lens of my glasses, because they are that long--I sometimes trim them, too. That might be a sin--I don't know. If it is, don't tell me, because I don't like getting poked in the eye.

I will lay out my nicest new outfit, which is a $10 sheath dress I found at Ross about a month ago (and not saved for Easter), and a mint green sweater I actually have left over from last year--another gift from my Mom. Once I've spent about 20 minutes TOTAL getting ready, we will be out the door, and the only thing on our minds other than the Easter Egg Hunt after church will be worshiping the Lord and hearing Pastor Townsley's great Easter sermon. We're going to have at least one visitor with us Sunday morning--maybe two, both friends of the girls. For my own sanity, I am now going to put this thread completely out of my mind, so that I DON'T suddenly spend a day intended for worship and family actually worrying about what I have ON.

Happy Easter, everyone.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Edward, I don't know if you started this thread seriously, or just to be funny, but either way--it's bothersome. Do you realize how obsessed some of you are acting about other people's appearances????? To the point of judging other folks' character, motives and hearts by their outward appearance? Isn't that precisely what we want to avoid?

I am floored that anyone (Okay, LISA) would go to youth convention and spend even one second thinking negatively about the "fashion show." Go to the mall, for Pete's sake. The whole world is a fashion show, no matter whether it's casual or dressy--it's all just show. It's just appearance. Therefore--it's the least important to The Most Important.

The point is, I don't walk into practices and games and look around to see what everyone else is wearing before I decide to be comfortable. I'm ALREADY comfortable before I walk in. But I don't care to. I'm ME.

I suppose I'm just baffled that anyone would care enough about other folks' clothing choices to make it a character issue.

Here's my last word on the subject for now:

and IF you think that you are better than them because you show up in casual clothes--well, that, my friend, is the epitome of shallow. And IF you do it in reverse--it's still the same end of the pool.

Why thank you Abigail! This thread has been bothering me as well! I have highlighted your best thoughts, which have also been mine! Wasn't sure I wanted to post them or not. You've done a great job with your post! Covered all the bases!

If we are ALL the body of Christ then where is the unity here? That saddens me. I feel like I'm having to defend a group of people and I don't know why. I guess I just need a break - some days it just gets really old. I am very disappointed......

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by Edward Anglin

I still say it's fruity.

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

Like gay?

James 2:3

I guess you have to ask, what are we saying about ourselves when we go to so much trouble to do the very things that the Bible tends to frown upon?

And MissBratt is right too - we shouldn't tell the guy in the "gay apparel to "go sit under a foot stool..." either.

[Raven]

You never let me down Abi!

Raven

[Sherri]

I think every church has a culture and that's fine. The church that we pastored before this one for 20+ years was from a UPC background, and we all dressed up a lot - I wore a lot of nice suits and my husband was always in a suit and tie on Sundays. Here in Jackson, it's so different and I am perfectly fine with that.

For example last night we had Good Friday service with probably about 500 in attendance. All of our praise singers except one were in jeans. Most of the band was in jeans. I was in a pair of black dress pants and a sweater. Our teenagers were in jeans and matching T-shirts because they did an awesome skit at the first and were all dressed alike. All this to say..........God didn't care one bit what everyone had on. His Presence swept in there and was SO powerful!! It was an amazing time of praise & worship, prayer, and communion. People were rejoicing and dancing, crying - all over the spectrum.

I was not the least bit concerned what people were wearing at the time. It didn't matter. What mattered is the hearts of the worshipers.

Also, if people had shown up in suits and ties, I wouldn't have cared either. As long as they aren't too dressed up to worship with all their hearts.