Gabby's

[QueenEsther]

I have a little funny I wanted to share. I had forgot this happened until just a little while ago I was talking to someone else about Christmas & Santa. Monday night I wrapped some of Jasmine's Christmas presents and put them under the tree, I usually only put the rest of the family's presents out and wait to do hers on Christmas Eve so it is more fun waking up Christmas morning. But....she is getting older and we have no where to hide the presents so it is harder to keep them stashed around the house. So, anyways I wrapped some up and the next morning my husband told her that Santa had came and visited. She didn't fall for the for one second, she very nonchalantly said "uh,uh, Santa is fake and I know mommy wrapped those" I about cracked up. She has never liked Santa and has never believed he brought the presents. And the worst thing of all is she guessed 2 of her presents already! They were wrapped obvious I didn't conceal their shape but I thought, she is too little to put 2 & 2 together, I guess I was wrong!!! She is a stinker, I have to watch her close with those presents.

[Margies3]

Blubayou,

thank you so much for all of the excellent input. I am printing this out so I can implement much of it.

We usually do the reward system more than the take-away system. But so far, this doesn't seem to be working for Keith this year. If he was having a problem in only one subject, I would assume he wasn't understanding it. But with so many failing grades, I really believe it is more of an organization problem than anything else. Unfortunately, he is not the least bit interested in getting organized.

Oh well, I'll think about this more tomorrow. I'm too tired tonight. I'm going to bed.

Thanks again. I really appreciate your help.

[Blubayou]

You are welcome. Remember organization is something that has to be taught as well as study skills. A lot of times we assume kids will pick these kinds of things up and many do, but there are ones that it has to be broken down into steps and they have to be shown how to do it. If you need any more tips I will be happy to help.

My dad passed away this morning at 9:45. I have made lots of phone calls and I have tried to sort out my feelings and here is as good a place as any for me to throw it all in out and try to make it all come togeather in my mind. No he was not a good man. Jesus died for him as well as for me. He did accept Jesus as his savior several years ago and I am glad. I called him last night and told him that I loved him. I am glad I made the phone call, I am glad he did not die wondering if I still hated him like I used to. I don't hate him nowand I thank God that He gave to me a love for dad. Not the love that most fathers have from their children but the best I could do under the circumstances.

I feel numb inside. Not like I hurt for his passing, certainly not joyful. But he did say he was ready to meet the Lord.

Jumbled feelings, one person that I called this morning told me to keep thinking about the good times. I did not tell her but in my memories there simply is not that many good memories. There is a lot of horrible memories, of skin being torn by belt buckles and the most horrible things he made me do, and the yelling and name calling and chasing my brother with a tobacco stick, and pulling a branch out of a tree and hitting my sister with it. Memories of me standing between him and mom when I was 21 yr. old and he was about to hit her with a tire iron, and she had a bat about to hit him with it. Memories of me having ulcers when I was 18 and the dr. asking about my home life and him telling me that stress causes ulcers and me knowing that I had that pain for years.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. Should I feel sorrow, is something wrong with me because I don't, I am not feeling joy that he is dead. I don't want to seem heartless. I am a very confused person I wish I could just sleep until it all goes away.

[Blubayou]

ADRA- Sorry for your loss. There is not a set way for you to feel. You are you and your circumstances are unique to you. Quit trying to fit into a preconcieved mold. I do think it is good for you to remember the good and bad times with your dad, but do not let those memories hold you hostage. Build on the memories to become a better you and make your family better than your family was. Use this time with your brothers and Sisters ? to remember and flush the bitterness and anger out of your system.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Blubayou

ADRA- Sorry for your loss. There is not a set way for you to feel. You are you and your circumstances are unique to you. Quit trying to fit into a preconceived mold. I do think it is good for you to remember the good and bad times with your dad, but do not let those memories hold you hostage. Build on the memories to become a better you and make your family better than your family was. Use this time with your brothers and Sisters ? to remember and flush the bitterness and anger out of your system.

Adra, Blubayou gave you some wonderful advice!

There are others here too that I believe can help you that have had similar experiences.

I am sorry for your loss.

[Margies3]

Adra, I can't pretend to understand the pain you are feeling right now. But I can pray for you. And that's what I am doing right now. I'm sorry for what you've gone through in your life and I'm sorry for what you are going through right now.

God is a Father who will never let you down. He will never treat you the way you've been treated. And He will always love you no matter what. He will be for you what your father was never able to be. Walk into His arms right now and be comforted by Him.

Big hugs from your friends here on AFF.

[QueenEsther]

Well, I got my daughter some snow boots! Yeah!!!! They were on clearance even, I couldn't believe they were this early in the season but I won't complain! They are very very cute too. She is going to love them. I got them on my lunch hour so she hasn't see them yet.

Her very first Christmas program is tonight. I am going to take lots of pics and I will try to post them tomorrow along with some of the tree.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by Adra

My dad passed away this morning at 9:45. I have made lots of phone calls and I have tried to sort out my feelings and here is as good a place as any for me to throw it all in out and try to make it all come togeather in my mind. No he was not a good man. Jesus died for him as well as for me. He did accept Jesus as his savior several years ago and I am glad. I called him last night and told him that I loved him. I am glad I made the phone call, I am glad he did not die wondering if I still hated him like I used to. I don't hate him nowand I thank God that He gave to me a love for dad. Not the love that most fathers have from their children but the best I could do under the circumstances.

I feel numb inside. Not like I hurt for his passing, certainly not joyful. But he did say he was ready to meet the Lord.

Jumbled feelings, one person that I called this morning told me to keep thinking about the good times. I did not tell her but in my memories there simply is not that many good memories. There is a lot of horrible memories, of skin being torn by belt buckles and the most horrible things he made me do, and the yelling and name calling and chasing my brother with a tobacco stick, and pulling a branch out of a tree and hitting my sister with it. Memories of me standing between him and mom when I was 21 yr. old and he was about to hit her with a tire iron, and she had a bat about to hit him with it. Memories of me having ulcers when I was 18 and the dr. asking about my home life and him telling me that stress causes ulcers and me knowing that I had that pain for years.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. Should I feel sorrow, is something wrong with me because I don't, I am not feeling joy that he is dead. I don't want to seem heartless. I am a very confused person I wish I could just sleep until it all goes away.

I am so sorry for the feelings that you are having to deal with. Just remember, everything is a process, and the way you are feeling today could change entirely tomorrow.

But no matter what your emotions and feelings are, they are yours, and no one has the right to tell you that they are wrong.

Be kind to yourself. And patient. We learn to be these things to others, and to be sympathetic to other, but then we fail to give ourselves the same courtesy.

My thoughts are that you will probably have grief at some point over this, even if it is grief for what you didn't have or experience with your dad. My prayers are with you.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Adra

My dad passed away this morning at 9:45. I have made lots of phone calls and I have tried to sort out my feelings and here is as good a place as any for me to throw it all in out and try to make it all come togeather in my mind. No he was not a good man. Jesus died for him as well as for me. He did accept Jesus as his savior several years ago and I am glad. I called him last night and told him that I loved him. I am glad I made the phone call, I am glad he did not die wondering if I still hated him like I used to. I don't hate him nowand I thank God that He gave to me a love for dad. Not the love that most fathers have from their children but the best I could do under the circumstances.

I feel numb inside. Not like I hurt for his passing, certainly not joyful. But he did say he was ready to meet the Lord.

Jumbled feelings, one person that I called this morning told me to keep thinking about the good times. I did not tell her but in my memories there simply is not that many good memories. There is a lot of horrible memories, of skin being torn by belt buckles and the most horrible things he made me do, and the yelling and name calling and chasing my brother with a tobacco stick, and pulling a branch out of a tree and hitting my sister with it. Memories of me standing between him and mom when I was 21 yr. old and he was about to hit her with a tire iron, and she had a bat about to hit him with it. Memories of me having ulcers when I was 18 and the dr. asking about my home life and him telling me that stress causes ulcers and me knowing that I had that pain for years.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. Should I feel sorrow, is something wrong with me because I don't, I am not feeling joy that he is dead. I don't want to seem heartless. I am a very confused person I wish I could just sleep until it all goes away.

Adra,

Grief is different for everyone. Right now you are on autopilot. Let me share my experience with you:

My father passed in 1991. I was the oldest of 5 children and I felt I had to keep it together and be strong for my siblings, especially my youngest sister. I said the Eulogy, organized and kept the family going. I kept all my grief bottled up inside for a later date.

That fall, I had my car accident on what would have been Dad's birthday. I was on my way home from work to pick up my daughter and her friend to go to Ohio to be with my sister and go to Dad's gravesite. Needless to say...I didn't get there.

A year later, as I was healing from the car accident, and taking a shower, while thinking about what my Dad would think or say about my impending divorce: I could hear his voice and I knew exaclty what he would say to me and I burst into tears for the first time. It was over 18 months, almost 2 years before I could really grieve.

Don't let anyone tell you, and don't tell yourself how you should and shouldn't grieve. It is a personal thing. Many people, including myself, are praying for you and you just rest in God in your busy-ness and fall into God's arms when the wave overtakes you. He'll be there to catch you and bring His peace.

Blessings & Prayers, Rhoni