17 Kids and Counting

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

My biggest and really only problem with this situation, and with any situation where people have a lot of children (providing of course that they have the finances to support them all the way through their childhoods, and hopefully educations) is this, at a certain point the older siblings have to start giving up their childhoods in order for the house to run. The older brothers and sisters have to become surrogate parents, because there is no way that mom and dad have the time or the energy to take care of them all. You see this in this Duggar house, they call them "buddies" I think, which is just a euphemism for "I have to take care of this child".

I have a real problem with that. I think some of these girls are going to be so tired of taking care of children by the time they are adults, that they are not going to want to have their own children for a long time, if ever. Just my two cents...

Yep, and some become resentful probably.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

My biggest and really only problem with this situation, and with any situation where people have a lot of children (providing of course that they have the finances to support them all the way through their childhoods, and hopefully educations) is this, at a certain point the older siblings have to start giving up their childhoods in order for the house to run. The older brothers and sisters have to become surrogate parents, because there is no way that mom and dad have the time or the energy to take care of them all. You see this in this Duggar house, they call them "buddies" I think, which is just a euphemism for "I have to take care of this child".

I have a real problem with that. I think some of these girls are going to be so tired of taking care of children by the time they are adults, that they are not going to want to have their own children for a long time, if ever. Just my two cents...

I am assuming that we will see both extremes with their family. Half will probably "attempt" to have as many kids as their parents and the others will have none, one, or two kids at the most. I am sure that they are being told all the normal things such as "Only God controls the number of children you will have" and the evils of preventing said conceptions.....

And yes, what if you belonged to that family and didn't want to care for children? Seems like the choice has been taken away from you already since the oldest DO a good % of the child rearing themselves it seems.

[Coffee99]

Originally Posted by Traci

IMO, in our sociey we have been conditioned to have a distain for people who have more than the "norm"--the 2 child family--and that is not supported in the Bible. Children are a blessing whether you have 1 or 17. I have three.

I have three. And if we could have afforded it, I would have liked to have a couple more. But, we could not afford to have more and take care of them and spend time with them like we wanted to with more than three. Nor would I have had the energy to keep up with more. So, I comfort myself that these three will marry and that will make six. And, then if I'm lucky, they will have children. And that is pretty great, because I will have my large family and still have stopped where it was appropriate for my husband and I.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I am assuming that we will see both extremes with their family. Half will probably "attempt" to have as many kids as their parents and the others will have none, one, or two kids at the most. I am sure that they are being told all the normal things such as "Only God controls the number of children you will have" and the evils of preventing said conceptions.....

And yes, what if you belonged to that family and didn't want to care for children? Seems like the choice has been taken away from you already since the oldest DO a good % of the child rearing themselves it seems.

Exactly. I feel sad when I see a family where the are kids being required to take care of other kids (and it isn't always in just large families). And I am not talking about babysitting for the parents every so often, I am talking about the day in, day out stuff. I always think, what about them? When do they get to be kids, why do they have to forfeit being a child?

[My Own Eyes]

I wonder how far they go with this "Let God decide" thing...

What if one of them has a physical problem that makes it hard to conceive. Do they consider going to a fertility specialist or getting In Vitro, to be going against the will of God?

My Ex and I when we were young and foolish (and ironically not even Christians) made the decision to "let God decide" (I think at the time I thought of it more as fate or the "universe" in a more generic way).

But a few years after we were married, and after I was saved, I was up at an altar praying about the issue. And I felt God tell me that me having children was not part of his plan for my life...however, that if I felt that I really wanted them, or couldn't be happy without them, that he would make it happen. At the time, it was really hard, but I told God that as much as I wanted Children, I wanted His will for me more.

Of course, over time I went from being resigned about not having children, to learning to appreciate and focus on the positive aspects of it (rather than wallowing in the sad parts). And of course, with my recent divorce, I was so glad at that time, that there were no children affected by it.

There are only a handful where I feel so strongly, with no doubt that God clearly spoke to me about something, but that was one of them.

[Falla39]

I am not responding personally to any certain poster but as someone who has lived
and viewed life from the opposite of many here. How many have looked at the situation
and posted their view, only from a standpoint of what they think about it. Then again,
how many have posted from experience of having been there, done that.

We were children born into a family whose parents and grandparents had come through
and out of the "Great Depression". In 1944, my late father was called upon (drafted) to
serve in the U.S. Army in WWII. (No amount of talking, explaining the hardship of my dad
leaving home, while having four small children, the eldest not quite six yrs, and I was not
quite five yrs. old. Two more younger than I.) could persuade the man who represented
the county draft board, to give him an exemption. After basic training in the states, Dad
was shipped overseas to serve first in the Philippeans and then in Japan. God brought him
home safely to his family.

Mom told me that two or three days before they married, they talked about their plans
and hopes for the future. They agreed that they both wanted to trust in the Lord with
everything, including childbirth. Mom said after they got married, before they went to
bed for the first time together, my father knelt down beside the bed and prayed. That
touched her heart and she felt God put faith in heart for Him and for the man who would
represent the leadership in their home.

As we were being trained up in the way we SHOULD go, if we kids got into a fight or a
squabble, we were made to hug each other and say we were sorry. (I am almost sure we
weren't always sorry, but we were being "trained up" to love our brothers and our sisters.
We older helped care for the younger. That's where I learned to love and care for my own
children. When you are taught from the beginning to love and care, it will/should
follow you as long as you live. That is unless there is something that goes against your
training. There are sometimes people who will, in those growing up years, that will support
your children in their rebellion toward their upbringing/training, etc.

Our parents did not one time depend on the government to take care of their children.
They knew who their Provider was and made sure HE knew they trusted Him for their and
their children's needs.

Now when Dad started the work of God in our town in 1958, he worked a fulltime job.
He did not expect anyone else to support his family. (If a man knows not how to care
for his own first, how can he take care of the house of the Lord.)

After some years, and the church had grown, he felt that God would have him give
himself totally to the ministry. He pastored for over 30 yrs., until his health forced him
to let go and allow God to provide another pastor.

In the few weeks before he passed on, his eleven children (he had raised in the fear and
admonition of the Lord), came and spent the nights with Mom and Dad, making sure she
could get enough rest also. A schedule was put on the calender and each of the children
put down what night they could stay. Eleven children made it possible for no one to be
put under a hardship. We came gladly and willingly. After all, this was our father who had
given his life to God,wife and his children. Our mother who had birthed us and nurtured
us to young adulthood. We learned to be responsible adults. We learned to love our child-
ren and others. We learned to love our fellow man, our neighbors, by precept and
example. We learned that God is faithful and HE is ABOVE ALL, and should be IN us all.

Now to all those who don't think it's worth it to have several children, who's gonna take
care of you when you're old and grey-headed! We still have our health, but our six adult
children already show loving concern if they think something is not going well with their
dad and mom who birthed them, trained them, loved and nurtured them to be mature
young adults, and taught them to be responsible and valuable citizens, making
a difference in their community.

A three-fold cord isn't easily broken. Grandparents, parents and children. Three genera-
tions of strength.
No wonder our world has come to where it is. Stinking thinking!!!

Not to offend ANYONE!!!!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Traci]

Amen, Sis Falla.

My Mom had 3 children but one was born when she was 41 and I was 16. There was a point when my sis was a baby that I had to take care of her because my mom was put on 2nd shift and yes I did resent it sometimes and it did help me see that I did not want to put myself in a position as a teenager that I could have one of my own and I did not have my 1st till I was 25 because I knew how much work it was and I also learned about responsibility of another human being. I would not trade my experience for the world and I love my sister who is now 24. I now have a 14 year old who is experiencing what it is like to have a 3 1/2 yr old special needs sister and a 9 mo old baby brother. I don't ask him to do a lot but it is good for him to help a little, he now understands about babies and the responsiblities that come with them. I think it is good for teens to see outside of themselves. I don't want to offend either...

[ILG]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

My biggest and really only problem with this situation, and with any situation where people have a lot of children (providing of course that they have the finances to support them all the way through their childhoods, and hopefully educations) is this, at a certain point the older siblings have to start giving up their childhoods in order for the house to run. The older brothers and sisters have to become surrogate parents, because there is no way that mom and dad have the time or the energy to take care of them all. You see this in this Duggar house, they call them "buddies" I think, which is just a euphemism for "I have to take care of this child".

I have a real problem with that. I think some of these girls are going to be so tired of taking care of children by the time they are adults, that they are not going to want to have their own children for a long time, if ever. Just my two cents...

I don't agree. I think it teaches responsibility.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by ILG

I don't agree. I think it teaches responsibility.

That's fine, I know that people have very differing opinion on this issues, I just stated mine. I personally don't think that teaching responsibility is accomplished by making my child/children do my job.

Part of my problem also lies in watching a friend of mine right now waste away from severe postpartum depression. She is still be convinced after having 4 children back to back that having another child will make her happy. All the while, the four beautiful baby girls that she already has are not getting the attention they need from her. She is convinced that because she came from a large family, she is somehow less if she doesn't continue having children, despite how her husband feels on the subject.

There are many, many considerations in discussing this topic, and there is no one right way to think about it, it all depends on the big picture.

[HappyTown]

Originally Posted by ILG

They were on prozac because they were worried that the Mormon church might allow polygamy again anyday! (And that is no joke!)

I do know one thing for sure, there was a lot pressure put on their women to have a lot of kids . Cindy who lived next to us was so happy when she got to number seven, said at last I can stop, have my tubes tied! The Bishops decide how many kids each couple will have during the Temple marriage, while placing their hands on you while standing behind a curtain that has gaps to allow a hand through, norm was seven kids at best.