Looking for some advice

[Joey Boneski]

Originally Posted by All By Myself

I truly appreciate all of these responses and have reread them several times. Several brought tears to my eyes. I know that no one response is going to change everything for me, but in the multitude I might be able to find some direction. At the very least, seeing the concern and support makes me feel not quite so alone.

Just remember in the loneliest of times.....You are never alone : )

[Sinatra]

Originally Posted by tstew

I'm going to say something that I struggled with whether I should say. I hope that it does not offend you and that you see it in the spirit in which I'm trying to deliver it.

I hope that you will soon see fit to change your user name here. You are not All By Yourself and it is a trick of the enemy to try to convince you that you are. Isolation is one of the oldest and most effective tricks he uses. I believe he learned from his first interactions with Eve, that he can accomplish alot if he can get you alone. You are not All By Yourself, there is a real God who really loves you and I would imagine family and friends as well. You are certainly not alone on this forum.

I pray that eventually you will feel the urge to change that, not just as your user name but in how you feel. Because everytime you type or see that you may be validating those feelings.

God Bless and I am still praying for you and your family

tstew, Thank You for posting this! You are a wise man.
[NOT All By Yourself], I am praying for you, also.

[CAD/JPY]

Originally Posted by All By Myself

I am coming to this forum with a question or situation that I need feedback on. I have been lurking around here for a while.

I know that I am going to get some responses that go like, “you shouldn’t be asking for advice from people you have never met on an internet forum”. I have nowhere else to turn. There are people here that have written things that I respect.

I have been Oneness Pentecostal all my life. My entire family is OP, deeply entrenched in the OP church. I am 100% sure that none of them will ever leave this culture.

I have been on a inner path for the last 10 to 15 years, trying to figure out what I really believe. This is not topic relating to “standards”, because that is such a small concern to me. I have come to realize that I do not really believe a lot of what the OP church teaches/preaches is really accurate or necessary. So this is not about justifying any change on those things.

My real concern is my discomfort at even accepting Christianity as totally valid. It is big leap of faith for me because I have to accept the Bible as the truth to do so. It is not that I have a problem with the Bible. It is that in all of the belief systems out there, accepting the Bible as the true word of the true God is only possible through blind faith. I don’t know that I have that anymore. I am not saying that I am ready to turn my back on Christianity, just that I wish I could openly discuss my issues .

I play the part, and follow the rules and have a fairly full life. But I feel like a fraud 75-80% of the time. If I were to come clean with my feelings and thoughts, I know my family would still love me. But it would devastate them and forever change our relationship. They would not be capable of understanding it. Devastating them would devastate me, and I am not sure I will ever be strong enough to do it. It would mean that I would be starting my life over with no support system.

I know that there is no answer to this, but I would really like any input or wisdom that you could give to me.

I decided to reply, without reading what any other posters have said. Mainly in an attempt to remain unbiased. The first thought that comes to mind, is that real faith means taking the time to face your doubts. If you never face your fear and your doubt, how can it be true faith? I mean, if you just simply follow instruction, are you really devout?

I have been raised in OP (Oneness Pentecostal), under a very well known influential father. As recently as this week, I was reminded of this.... "Am I serving my father's beliefs, or am I serving God?"
Of course the first question you automatically say, "Well, if I am serving my father's beliefs then by default I must be serving God". However, I don't think that is what God is looking for. I really believe that he wants us to serve HIM. That our consecration goes to HIM, not the traditions of our fathers, or the heritage we have been given, or what is expected of us. Rather our devoutness and consecration must be to God, and God alone. (So in order to find that, we have no choice but to question our father's beliefs if we are going to define our own)

For many of us who have been raised in OP, it is drilled into us to serve this apostolic lifestyle heritage, and that by doing so, we will be serving God. I don't agree with that, because then it is just a "play book" or a "Traditional Instruction Manual" to judge your life by. WHEN can you have your own moment where God calls YOU to sacrifice your son, your only son Isaac, your lineage.. if you are just reading a playbook?? Imagine Abraham listening to God... and then heading toward that mountain thinking that only the heathens sacrifice their lineage, their children! Yet, he still took the journey.

I don't want to assume I could understand your situation, but I hope I can throw out something encouraging to think about. My intuition is telling me that you are questioning everything you have been raised with, because you are seeking truth. We have to define our own reality of what that means, and I can only recommend seeking God directly for that. Don't be scared of asking questions... if it is truth, it will stand on its own!

Just because one person has a belief system about God and Christianity, doesn't mean that they have 100% of all the available truth! They may only have a third of what is available, and unfortunately aren't in a position to receive more. We have to be willing to face some uncertainity, even some ambiguity about certain issues where there are no answers, and just leave that in the hands of God to sort out.

[Bella1]

Such wisdom and love and honesty in each and every post. All By Myself, I am praying that you find truth and comfort in your decisions by reading the word and standing in His presence. Love and prayers!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by tstew

I'm going to say something that I struggled with whether I should say. I hope that it does not offend you and that you see it in the spirit in which I'm trying to deliver it.

I hope that you will soon see fit to change your user name here. You are not All By Yourself and it is a trick of the enemy to try to convince you that you are. Isolation is one of the oldest and most effective tricks he uses. I believe he learned from his first interactions with Eve, that he can accomplish alot if he can get you alone. You are not All By Yourself, there is a real God who really loves you and I would imagine family and friends as well. You are certainly not alone on this forum.

I pray that eventually you will feel the urge to change that, not just as your user name but in how you feel. Because everytime you type or see that you may be validating those feelings.

God Bless and I am still praying for you and your family

Excellent!

[misspresley]

One of the reasons I like being a part of this forum is the encouragement found when someone really has a need - especially finding the truth God has for each of us. Finding wisdom and increasing knowledge are wonderful gifts from God thru ministry found here. When we're God's child, we are never, ever alone!!!

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by CAD/JPY

I decided to reply, without reading what any other posters have said. Mainly in an attempt to remain unbiased. The first thought that comes to mind, is that real faith means taking the time to face your doubts. If you never face your fear and your doubt, how can it be true faith? I mean, if you just simply follow instruction, are you really devout?

I have been raised in OP (Oneness Pentecostal), under a very well known influential father. As recently as this week, I was reminded of this.... "Am I serving my father's beliefs, or am I serving God?"
Of course the first question you automatically say, "Well, if I am serving my father's beliefs then by default I must be serving God". However, I don't think that is what God is looking for. I really believe that he wants us to serve HIM. That our consecration goes to HIM, not the traditions of our fathers, or the heritage we have been given, or what is expected of us. Rather our devoutness and consecration must be to God, and God alone. (So in order to find that, we have no choice but to question our father's beliefs if we are going to define our own)

For many of us who have been raised in OP, it is drilled into us to serve this apostolic lifestyle heritage, and that by doing so, we will be serving God. I don't agree with that, because then it is just a "play book" or a "Traditional Instruction Manual" to judge your life by. WHEN can you have your own moment where God calls YOU to sacrifice your son, your only son Isaac, your lineage.. if you are just reading a playbook?? Imagine Abraham listening to God... and then heading toward that mountain thinking that only the heathens sacrifice their lineage, their children! Yet, he still took the journey.

I don't want to assume I could understand your situation, but I hope I can throw out something encouraging to think about. My intuition is telling me that you are questioning everything you have been raised with, because you are seeking truth. We have to define our own reality of what that means, and I can only recommend seeking God directly for that. Don't be scared of asking questions... if it is truth, it will stand on its own!

Just because one person has a belief system about God and Christianity, doesn't mean that they have 100% of all the available truth! They may only have a third of what is available, and unfortunately aren't in a position to receive more. We have to be willing to face some uncertainity, even some ambiguity about certain issues where there are no answers, and just leave that in the hands of God to sort out.

Excellent post and well written! As a pastor's son, I faced these same thoughts.

[Trouvere]

I am praying for you.
Just ask Jesus. He doesn't mind proving Himself. He is very good at increasing our
faith. He loves you enough to settle this issue in the depths of your soul.
In Jesus

[Pastor Keith]

Originally Posted by All By Myself

I am coming to this forum with a question or situation that I need feedback on. I have been lurking around here for a while.

I know that I am going to get some responses that go like, “you shouldn’t be asking for advice from people you have never met on an internet forum”. I have nowhere else to turn. There are people here that have written things that I respect.

I have been Oneness Pentecostal all my life. My entire family is OP, deeply entrenched in the OP church. I am 100% sure that none of them will ever leave this culture.

I have been on a inner path for the last 10 to 15 years, trying to figure out what I really believe. This is not topic relating to “standards”, because that is such a small concern to me. I have come to realize that I do not really believe a lot of what the OP church teaches/preaches is really accurate or necessary. So this is not about justifying any change on those things.

My real concern is my discomfort at even accepting Christianity as totally valid. It is big leap of faith for me because I have to accept the Bible as the truth to do so. It is not that I have a problem with the Bible. It is that in all of the belief systems out there, accepting the Bible as the true word of the true God is only possible through blind faith. I don’t know that I have that anymore. I am not saying that I am ready to turn my back on Christianity, just that I wish I could openly discuss my issues .

I play the part, and follow the rules and have a fairly full life. But I feel like a fraud 75-80% of the time. If I were to come clean with my feelings and thoughts, I know my family would still love me. But it would devastate them and forever change our relationship. They would not be capable of understanding it. Devastating them would devastate me, and I am not sure I will ever be strong enough to do it. It would mean that I would be starting my life over with no support system.

I know that there is no answer to this, but I would really like any input or wisdom that you could give to me.

Thank You for your honesty and transparency, but I wouldn't describe my faith in God's word as blind faith, some of the latest apologetics on scripture reinforce the idea that God did speak through scripture and that he has indeed preserved his word. So I would use the word informed faith.

Be as it may, faith is what is its, there will never be enough evidence for the skeptic and never enough doubt for the believer.Also tell God your doubts, and see how he will answer your challenges, a sincere inquiry always gets His attention.

[Not Alone]

I have really been humbled by the response to this, and the kindness shown that crossed all the dividing lines. That is really beautiful. I think every person who has replied had something to say that was meaningful to me. I cannot thank you enough.

I do want to say that I was not trying to be melodramatic in my user name, I was just was putting into words my feelings. I definitely have not felt alone on this thread but I have begun to feel more and more isolated in my life.

I feel myself pulling further and further away from everyone, partially because I feel so alienated from most all of the conversations. I have so little common ground with what is being said. I find it harder and harder to just keep my head down when things are said and discussed that I don't agree with. I also think I am shutting down to protect myself from what may have to happen in my future. Anyway, Thanks for the concern shown.