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Originally Posted by ILG
Mich, you and I have traveled very similar paths in this....for me, it has been best to just leave it all. We haven't attended church regularly for a couple of years and, contrary to what some here would say, it has been a great decision for us. I felt like God had to just kick me to get me to finally not go back. It's a story in itself, but is very contrary to what we are normally taught.
I still get PTSD sometimes but have actually been listening to some old Christian music on CD the last few weeks and actually been enjoying it. But I don't see myself stepping foot into a church anytime soon.
I see some of this quite similarly. Mostly, I find the questions not pressing and not very important. I find God to still be central in my life but I don't really care about much of this stuff anymore. It's an interesting exercise to think about it but I don't think about it too much.
It's good to see you around again! I've always enjoyed your writing.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ILG
I can get really touchy when people (especially people in authority) start power tripping on me. It gets really hard for me to contain myself....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus2woman
My only trigger is 'preaching'... the pulpit pounding, screaming, sweating, panting kind especially... I can not, absolutely CAN NOT abide it. About 10 seconds is enough to make me physically nauseous and while I have never pushed it to see I think a solid minute would see me vomit. I never expose myself to that kind of thing any more. I avoid churches with any chance of that preaching style, I don't listen to radio or TV preaching, never, ever, ever.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ILG
Any type of power-tripping that people do against me is a major trigger for me. Since we had preachers, pastors, presbyters, a district superintendent and "saints" all doing things like falsely accusing, stalking, terrorizing through the justice system and smashing our personal stuff......I can get pretty shook up when I sense anyone doing any type of power-tripping. I get very nervous and yet look like a stone on the outside. People can never figure it out. I try very hard not to do this but am not there yet.  Every day, though, I improve. 
I certainly understand not being able to stand that kind of preaching. |
I was kind of accidentally watching a youtube video of someone I used to know who has since become a UPC preacher, of the screaming variety. I was more amazed then anything else, as it was hard for me to see in that screaming the person I used to know.
But I am happy to say that It didn't really evoke any kind of emotional response in me. (I think I can safely say that 98% of my triggers are gone). I do find it strange though, and sometimes I end up shaking my end, it's like I have a hard time remembering that once upon a time I felt that way, or would have liked that, or later been hurt by it.
About 6 months ago, I purposely tested myself, by pulling out my binder of Christian music that had been buried in my closet for years, and intentionally listened to a CD by the Pastor's wife from my 1st church (where the bulk of the bad stuff happened), and was amazed to realize that it was just some lady singing.
I think that letting myself heal from all that, has really put me in a position where I feel free to continue my journey. But this time, I am free from fear and I don't have any preconceived notions. (actually if I'm being honest, I probably do have some preconceived notions about some of the stuff I learned in the past)
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