Theology For Dogs

[Maximilian]

Ed Stetzer got creatively fun recently, and it turned into a Twitter-riot of everyone else chiming in. Here's some of my favorites (you'll catch on):

If you "follow me" (hate that term, btw) on Twitter, you know that I am not a big fan of one of my dogs. It eats things it should not eat and leaves the remnants in places it should not leave them. And, it is always running away.

This morning, I threw up a tweet about not wanting to go find my dog when it ran away.

Since I hate my dog, must I chase it when it runs away? Seems it has free will. Who am I to force it to stay? #Arminianism
And, then for some inexplicable reason, I kept it going. (To be honest, the fact that some of you egged me on might have been a part of it.) I started with Arminian and Calvinist jokes, then had to deal with Hebrews 6 as any good theologian must (see the Calminian tweet). Then, it led to all sorts of things.

Since I own my dog (& can't un-own), I have to relentlessly pursue, even though I'm not pleased w/ its actions. #Calvinism

Since my dog has tasted my food & been enlightened in my home, if it runs away, it shouldn't be able to return. #Calminian

If I really chose this dog, it would know my voice & return. The fact it left me, proves it was never of me. #Calvinism

Like all dogs in the world, mine has what it needs to make the right choice. #Arminianism // Why won't it?!

What I really need is a strategy to attract the dog. Lots of lights, music, and snacks. That will make it love me. #Seeker

If I could just sign my dog up for some obedience classes, then it would do what I say & I would accept it. #moralism

Maybe I could get in authentic community w/my dog, understand it's thoughts/hurts, & build a relational bridge. #missional

I could just keep the dog, let it do whatever it wants, expect no change, and it is still in the family. #antinomianism

I could just accept my dog's wrong actions & change my beliefs around its new view of morality. #MainlineProtestantism

Maybe I'm being harsh. As long as my dog does not drink beverage alcohol, everything else is forgivable. #baptists

The Twitter feed on this has hundreds of good ones! Maybe I'll post a few others. This was actually quite fun!

[Maximilian]

I bought a dog more to give it squeaky toys than for it to have a loving owner. #prosperitygospel

[Maximilian]

Your dog is stupid. #Driscoll

[Maximilian]

My dog must roll over 30 times and sit 40 times to get back in my good graces #Catholicism

[Maximilian]

To be happy, a dog needs small, dedicated pack to run w/ instead of big puppy-mills only worried about profits. #housechurches

[Maximilian]

If God has willed my dog to come, he will come regardless of my efforts...so I'm not even calling him. #hypercalvinism

[Maximilian]

Jesus wants you to have your best dog now! #osteen

[Maximilian]

Perhaps we need a five-year moratorium on barking. Then in five years, if we have clarity from our masters, we'll speak. #emergent

[Maximilian]

I bred the dog. Now it can feed itself & live on its own. I will just sit back & watch. #deism


All dogs go to heaven. #Universalism

[kristian's_mom]

Originally Posted by Maximilian

Jesus wants you to have your best dog now! #osteen

All dogs go to heaven. #Universalism