Pastors, how do you handle it when...

[MissBrattified]

...you have a man in your church who is not supporting his family, or at least attempting it, or,

...you have a man in your church who is verbally/physically abusive to his wife and/or children?

Do you rebuke them? Are you heavy handed about these issues? Do you try to handle abusive situations on your own, or do you involve the authorities?

Do you regularly teach/preach to men about how to provide and care for their wives and children?

Just curious...sometimes I wonder if the reason there seems to be a weaker presence of men in some churches because they aren't taught or prompted to be stronger men at home....?

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

...you have a man in your church who is not supporting his family, or at least attempting it, or,

...you have a man in your church who is verbally/physically abusive to his wife and/or children?

Do you rebuke them? Are you heavy handed about these issues? Do you try to handle abusive situations on your own, or do you involve the authorities?

Do you regularly teach/preach to men about how to provide and care for their wives and children?

Just curious...sometimes I wonder if the reason there seems to be a weaker presence of men in some churches because they aren't taught or prompted to be stronger men at home....?

I personally tell men who are abusive if I know about it and it happens I will take the responsibility of calling the Police on them myself and press charges.. there is NO reason for abuse in any situation!!!

concerning the man who won't support his family there could be a myraid of issues... depending on the situation... the full story would have to be known..

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by revrandy

I personally tell men who are abusive if I know about it and it happens I will take the responsibility of calling the Police on them myself and press charges.. there is NO reason for abuse in any situation!!!

concerning the man who won't support his family there could be a myraid of issues... depending on the situation... the full story would have to be known..

For the sake of conversation, lets just say bluntly...they're lazy and have a history of laziness...so...what is said or done? I do have a reason for asking. But I won't reveal it....just yet...if at all.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

For the sake of conversation, lets just say bluntly...they're lazy and have a history of laziness...so...what is said or done? I do have a reason for asking. But I won't reveal it....just yet...if at all.

Miss.B... as Long as I've known folks it's hard to change people... you can preach, teach and lead until your blue in the face but if they don't want to change or have a desire to change... it won't happen...

Some folks are happy when their mad...
Some folks are happy when they work...
some are just happy being lazy...

[MissBrattified]

Hmmm...well, I know...but it seems if anyone ought to be saying something ought to change it would be the pastor...(whether privately or over the pulpit).

I do agree, though...folks have to want to change, and even then its hard.

[MissBrattified]

Just to be clear...this is not regarding any man in our church, nor am I questioning any action my pastor has taken on any such issue. Just to remove any discomfort some might feel at discussing this....

revr...what do you think about what I said about men learning how to be strong leaders/providers at home? Do you think that has some correlation to their strength as a Christian overall, or their potential contribution to the church or the strength of the local assembly?

It seems to me if men are weak leaders, lazy providers, or abusive, that it can bleed over into the church setting and produce a weak church environment, or one in which women feel the need to step in and produce better leadership.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Just to be clear...this is not regarding any man in our church, nor am I questioning any action my pastor has taken on any such issue. Just to remove any discomfort some might feel at discussing this....

revr...what do you think about what I said about men learning how to be strong leaders/providers at home? Do you think that has some correlation to their strength as a Christian overall, or their potential contribution to the church or the strength of the local assembly?

It seems to me if men are weak leaders, lazy providers, or abusive, that it can bleed over into the church setting and produce a weak church environment, or one in which women feel the need to step in and produce better leadership.

I think there needs to be much more teaching on men leading their family...the bible says a man that doesn't work doesn't eat as well as their family...

We can spend all the time in the world preaching on Doctrine, Standards and everything else but is that building the family or faith?

There needs to be a balance of both ministrys...Men struggle now to find a voice because Soceity has weakened them in the eyes of others and themselves...

Anything enviromental will shape behaviors and if a learned behavior is allowed to continue it will foreshadow anything else that comes along...

only until one recieves an ultimatum that exacts a change will those who truly desire to continue will change...

Change is often hard and uncomfortable and yet necessary at times to continue...

There needs to be much more teaching on Leadership and men's role in the Church and Society...

[Nahum]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

...you have a man in your church who is not supporting his family, or at least attempting it, or,

...you have a man in your church who is verbally/physically abusive to his wife and/or children?

Do you rebuke them? Are you heavy handed about these issues? Do you try to handle abusive situations on your own, or do you involve the authorities?

Do you regularly teach/preach to men about how to provide and care for their wives and children?

Just curious...sometimes I wonder if the reason there seems to be a weaker presence of men in some churches because they aren't taught or prompted to be stronger men at home....?

This is a very serious issue.

1. Provision:
In I Timothy 5:8 is one of the strongest statements in the Bible: "If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (infidel)," (RSV).

I believe a man who is lazy and will not provide for his family is lost and headed to Hell. He is as lost as two boys kissing. The perversion stems from the same root of homosexuality - selfishness.

What is an infidel? The Greek word translated "infidel" is apistos, meaning "faithless, unbelieving, without faith."

2. Care
Providing for one's family involves more than just monetary support. It involves providing a safe and secure emotional "home" as well. Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse would destroy any hope of the home as a safe haven.

3. Pastoral response to dead-beats.
I have publicly rebuked twenty-something males in the church I pastor who refused to get a real job. I have told them not to offer any advice as to the direction of the church if they were not even providing for themselves. I have told them they were not eligible to be in any leadership position because of their lack of initiative.

Domestic abuse is not something I wade into. I have a certified Christian counselor that I refer those issues to. Our church tries to cover a portion of the associated fees for such services to hurting families.

I will say that I would call the authorities if I knew any man or woman was beating their spouse. I wouldn't think twice about it. Any male that would hit a woman is a despicable excuse for a human life form.

BTW, I teach biblical family structure on a consistent basis.

[Old Paths]

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

[Rachel]

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

I will say that I would call the authorities if I knew any man or woman was beating their spouse. I wouldn't think twice about it. Any male that would hit a woman is a despicable excuse for a human life form.

Amen.