Talking to kids about suicide.

Aquila · #1 10-30-2017, 07:41 AM

We had a tragedy in our family this weekend. My step-daughter, Addison (11 years old), lost her half brother, Austin. He was 22 years old and apparently it was a suicide. He shot himself on the back porch of the house he was living in. He was a troubled teen. His father (Addison's biological father) was always into drugs and crime. As he grew up he too got involved in drugs, dropped out of school, and got involved with guns. Austin was dearly loved by Addison, and he would always put on his best face when visiting. It came as such a shock to us.

We told Addison about Austin's death and explained that there is still an investigation. There is because his father (Addison's biological father requested an autopsy). However, we haven't disclosed the details of Austin's passing to her. I'm not sure how to explain to her that it was a suicide.

I felt something check me about the notion of telling her that it was a suicide. Not sure how to handle her questions. I'd be appreciative to anyone who might have some wisdom or advice on this.

Amanah · #2 10-30-2017, 09:34 AM

I don't know what to say Brother, I'm so sorry this happened to your family.

God forgive me, I would be tempted to say it was an accident, surely he was not in his right mind.

jediwill83 · #3 10-30-2017, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amanah

I don't know what to say Brother, I'm so sorry this happened to your family.

God forgive me, I would be tempted to say it was an accident, surely he was not in his right mind.

Id second that. Lets go with accident. Im sorry that happened bro.

n david · #4 10-30-2017, 12:44 PM

Praying for you and especially her and her family during this awful time.

I haven't a clue what to say, but regarding calling it an accident, I wouldn't do that. I'd rather say it was unexpected and leave out the details than to call an intentional suicide an accident and have her find out the truth later on.

Scott Pitta · #5 10-30-2017, 07:05 PM

People who take their own life are usually walking in the fog of depression. They are not themselves. They are ill. Mentally ill.

God understands people who are depressed make choices they would not otherwise make.

votivesoul · #6 10-30-2017, 09:45 PM

Children are way smarter than we sometimes realize, and can see through veiled attempts at withholding information, or speaking in code.

I would talk about how some people who don't know Jesus can come to feel like their life has gone so wrong, and that it has become so hopeless, that it feels impossible to ever see a change in their circumstances, that they decide it's better to not live anymore. Then say, this is what Austin decided to do, that he was so sad and hurt and feeling like he couldn't go on, he thought it was the only thing he could do. Leave out the rest.

Aquila · #7 10-31-2017, 07:24 AM

Thank you all for your insight.

Esaias · #8 11-03-2017, 11:31 PM

Wow. I don't have a clue what advice to give you. Sorry y'all are going through this.

I will say this, though... as parents we want to shield our kids from the uncomfortable and painful reality of the world we live in. But sometimes that does just as much harm as bluntly telling them like it is. A lot depends on the personality of the individual child and their background, what they've experienced in life, etc.

Sorry you have to go through this. But probably the most important thing for her is to know that you guys are going through this TOGETHER, and that TOGETHER you will all work through the whole grieving process... TOGETHER. She needs to know that the loss she feels, the pain, the confusion, the sadness, the anger, the whatever, is felt by ALL of you, that she is definitely not alone. Having a loved one suddenly gone can make even adults feel totally isolated and alone.

Again, no advice to give you (I am clueless as to how *I* would handle such a situation) except to say stay close to each other and to God.

Aquila · #9 11-05-2017, 01:43 AM

We've told her nearly everything, minus gory details. Her dad has demanded an autopsy, and it might be a good thing. The corners office reported that they might not release the body for another month. And detectives have gone to the house where it happened and have started asking questions. It actually looks like they are shifting into investigating a homicide. He and his half brother were involved with a gang. Not sure of details. It's beginning to look strange.