What Is The Longest You Have Prayed For Something?

[Jermyn Davidson]

There are two specific requests I have prayed for a long time and I am doubting whether the Lord will grant my requests because He hasn't granted them yet.

His decision to not grant these requests are a sore spot for me and they are a source of considerable discouragement in my low moments.

For over 20 years I have prayed two specific requests.

He has answered many other requests-- some immediately some in time, sometimes the answer was no and I understood, sometimes I didn't understand.

It's my perception of His Silence concerning these two requests that in some moments, breaks my heart.

In those moments, whether it is my own mind or satan, I am unsure, but every hurt and pain from the past seems to come rushing to my mind as I am almost overwhelmed with sadness and doubt.

How is it that I can judge my God and Savior as being unloving and unfaithful? In these moments of despair, my rational mind is irrational for even the rational mind can accept that if out of 100 prayers, 98 are clearly and timely answered and 2 are apparently years delayed then that is not indicative of a God that does not love me! A 98% answered prayer rate is not the rate of a Savior who is not faithful!

But I am hurting and in my time of pain, in my time of sorrow, I am irrational and I judge God.

It isn't long before the thought comes to forsake Jesus Christ because, in my mind, in those PRECIOUS moments of salty tears that sting my eyes and what's left of my faith, it seems that He has forsaken me.

It seems He has forsaken me.

Forsaken.

This isn't how it all ends for me and this isn't how it ends for you.

We are considered as sheep ready for slaughter. We face death all day. Still, in all of these things we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ. I am convinced that neither death nor life, nothing present or is to come, nothing so high or so deep-- NOTHING will separate me from the love of God.

Even His faith-defying silence.

For I am crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in this body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me!

Yes! Yes! Jesus loves me!

Even me! Yes He does! Oh yes He does!

He loves the abused me.
He loves the abused me.
He loves the hurt me.
He loves the murderer me.
HA!
He loves the abandoned me.
He loves the forgotten me.
He loves the ungrateful me.
God loves me!
He loves me on my bad days.
He loves me on my most rebellious nights.
He loves me in sickness.
He loves me in health.
His love never dies!
He loves the HIV-positive me.
He loves the lupus-ridden me.
He loves the cancer-stricken me.
He loves the crippled me.
He loves the lame me.
He loves the mentally-ill me.
He loves the handicapped me.
He loves the healthy me.
He loves the broken me.
He loves the whole me.
He made me!
He knows me!
And GOD loves me!

Just as I am without one plea, but that His blood was shed me and that thou biddest me come to Thee oh Lamb of God I come. I come.

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your soul.

There is more to this life than the pain that I am feeling right now. Yes there is pain that I do not understand. Yes there are sorrows and I don't know how they could possibly end well. Yes there are doubts and fears but I cast those doubts and fears out of my mind in the Name of Jesus Christ!

I cast those doubts and fears out in the Name of Jesus Christ!

For God has not given me the spirit of fear! Rather He has given to me a spirit of love, a spirit of power and a disciplined mind!

If I let my mind remain irrational, I will never remember the other 98 times that the Almighty God of Heaven came to see about me.

My irrational mind tells me in this moment that God doesn't love me but the Holy Ghost reminds me that God loved me before I ever thought of Him!

You see, God shows His love for me in that while I was still a sinner, His Son died for me!

There are many other things that God has done for me and I thank Him for those things-- I can never thank Him enough. Still, I want to bring your attention to the word "shows". How is it that through one act, completed over 2,000 years ago, that He "shows" His love towards me?

He "shows" His love. He "shows" His love. He continues to love me and He continues to show His love for me through that one act a long time ago because that one act covers me from first to last breath and EVERYTHING in between!

His love covers me.

He covers me with His feathers and under His wings I am safe! His faithfulness is my shield and buckler!

[Jermyn Davidson]

My heart is broken, oh Lord. Sadness has crushed my will.
Loneliness is my constant companion.
I have been accused and found guilty of something I did not do. My co-workers have conspired against me and my supervisors have exaggerated their lies about me.
I cannot see justice. Who will plead my case? Who will take up my cause?
I am an innocent man but my innocence was stolen from a young age. I am an innocent man, but I lie here convicted and punished.
My bed is my tears and my pillow a warm stone.
Oh God, will you please come and see about me? Am I so vile in your sight that You continually hide your face from me?
Give me my job back. Let my supervisors be ashamed for their conspiracy. Let me see justice.
If I am asking in vain, show me my vanity.
I am quick to apologize and eager to find repentance. You know I have wronged no one and that my conscience is clear.
Oh God my Savior, have mercy on me. Cleanse me of every impure motive and way. Let me see justice. I do not pray for the death of liars but I pray to see justice and I pray this is your will.
I do not know what else to do God.
I poured out my strength in joy when I danced in Your Presence but I have no more strength now.
I don't see the old holy women dancing in Your Presence. The prayers of the old holy men are barely a whisper in my ears.
I almost forgot Your Goodness but I never will forget Your Name!
My hope is in You Lord.
Please forgive me.

[KeptByTheWord]

He hears your prayers, JD. He knows the deepest hurts and longings of your heart.

When I think of disappointment, Leah, Jacob's wife comes to mind. Such heartache was hers for her whole life. YET, when she had Judah, and decided to PRAISE the Lord, that child was the line through which Jesus came through.

When you PRAISE Him for the things He has not done for you, there is something miraculous that happens in the heart. We never read that Leah was ever loved and appreciated as Rachel was, but still, the Lord was merciful to her, and the child that she praised God for was part of the lineage of Christ.

It is a simple lesson (easier spoken and understood than living it out) but it is through our praise that we can find victory in the hurts and disappointments of our lives.

[Amanah]

Jermyn, this song is for you

[CC1]

Thanksgiving dinner 1993. 3 minutes 47 seconds.

[jediwill83]

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

My heart is broken, oh Lord. Sadness has crushed my will.
Loneliness is my constant companion.
I have been accused and found guilty of something I did not do. My co-workers have conspired against me and my supervisors have exaggerated their lies about me.
I cannot see justice. Who will plead my case? Who will take up my cause?
I am an innocent man but my innocence was stolen from a young age. I am an innocent man, but I lie here convicted and punished.
My bed is my tears and my pillow a warm stone.
Oh God, will you please come and see about me? Am I so vile in your sight that You continually hide your face from me?
Give me my job back. Let my supervisors be ashamed for their conspiracy. Let me see justice.
If I am asking in vain, show me my vanity.
I am quick to apologize and eager to find repentance. You know I have wronged no one and that my conscience is clear.
Oh God my Savior, have mercy on me. Cleanse me of every impure motive and way. Let me see justice. I do not pray for the death of liars but I pray to see justice and I pray this is your will.
I do not know what else to do God.
I poured out my strength in joy when I danced in Your Presence but I have no more strength now.
I don't see the old holy women dancing in Your Presence. The prayers of the old holy men are barely a whisper in my ears.
I almost forgot Your Goodness but I never will forget Your Name!
My hope is in You Lord.
Please forgive me.

I read these two posts and I'm ashamed I did not read them sooner because they struck a chord with me and moved me

Jermyn, I don't know you and I don't even remember if I have talked to you before but let me tell you this...There are hopes and dreams and prayers we think are dead and buried...That we have given up on. They aren't just recently dead they are DEAD dead. Dead and rotting.

They died slowly...It came out of nowhere suddenly there was this crisis and that is where our faith kicked in because we knew...We just knew Jesus was right down the road. We did what we felt was the right thing to do and we sent for the Master...Our friend...The one we have spent countless hours with supping and fellowshipping with...We sent word that it was urgent and we needed Him and we needed Him now. We thought about the saying,"He's just as close as the mention of His name." and as the hour grows late and death draws nearer our faith fades from our eyes with the setting of the sun as we state into the distance just knowing that He is going to show up any second.

I mean big deal right? It's just a little death. Jesus can take care of that every day of the week and twice on Mondays without breaking a sweat. It almost would be like our hopes and dreams just took a little nap and then Jesus shows up and saves the day...

But that's not the way it happens.

4 days

Dead, gone, buried and rotting.

You see our faith only goes so far but it doesn't go THAT far.

When He does show up we greet Him with angry accusations that say, "If you only would have came when I called you this wouldn't have happened! If you only would have done it my way...I knew...I just knew that I would regret blindly putting my trust in You because you see, life has been hard...I've been hurt by people...And now I've been hurt by you...You did this to me."

As He stares into our eyes that don't really seem to focus on anything in particular anymore...Eyes that are dry because we have cried all the tears we can cry until we can't cry anymore the very heart of God breaks as He throws His head back and releases a cry of anguish and weeps.

But He doesn't stop there...

The next coherent sentence is....

Take...Me...To... Where... You.... Have.... Laid... Him

"Why?" You ask.

Why would you have me visit that place that holds nothing but heartache and a part of me that is dead and buried...Why would you force me to go back there and confront my past...My place of loss...My failures...Hopes and dreams of ministry and annointing?

We don't see the point. We don't understand the reasoning behind His actions. We make excuses why we can't...Why we wont...We promised ourselves that our failures would stay dead and buried and we'd do our best to move on.

We thought we'd just write it off as a failure...a loss...take our lumps and limp away bleeding broken and bruised forever scarred forever marked locked away in the crypt of our psyche...Hidden in the dark recesses of our soul the opening blocked where nothing can get in and nothing can get out until HE steps forth into the cemetery of your life and with the same voice that spoke creation into existence calls for what was dead to live again!

[KeptByTheWord]

Originally Posted by jediwill83

I read these two posts and I'm ashamed I did not read them sooner because they struck a chord with me and moved me

Jermyn, I don't know you and I don't even remember if I have talked to you before but let me tell you this...There are hopes and dreams and prayers we think are dead and buried...That we have given up on. They aren't just recently dead they are DEAD dead. Dead and rotting.

They died slowly...It came out of nowhere suddenly there was this crisis and that is where our faith kicked in because we knew...We just knew Jesus was right down the road. We did what we felt was the right thing to do and we sent for the Master...Our friend...The one we have spent countless hours with supping and fellowshipping with...We sent word that it was urgent and we needed Him and we needed Him now. We thought about the saying,"He's just as close as the mention of His name." and as the hour grows late and death draws nearer our faith fades from our eyes with the setting of the sun as we state into the distance just knowing that He is going to show up any second.

I mean big deal right? It's just a little death. Jesus can take care of that every day of the week and twice on Mondays without breaking a sweat. It almost would be like our hopes and dreams just took a little nap and then Jesus shows up and saves the day...

But that's not the way it happens.

4 days

Dead, gone, buried and rotting.

You see our faith only goes so far but it doesn't go THAT far.

When He does show up we greet Him with angry accusations that say, "If you only would have came when I called you this wouldn't have happened! If you only would have done it my way...I knew...I just knew that I would regret blindly putting my trust in You because you see, life has been hard...I've been hurt by people...And now I've been hurt by you...You did this to me."

As He stares into our eyes that don't really seem to focus on anything in particular anymore...Eyes that are dry because we have cried all the tears we can cry until we can't cry anymore the very heart of God breaks as He throws His head back and releases a cry of anguish and weeps.

But He doesn't stop there...

The next coherent sentence is....

Take...Me...To... Where... You.... Have.... Laid... Him

"Why?" You ask.

Why would you have me visit that place that holds nothing but heartache and a part of me that is dead and buried...Why would you force me to go back there and confront my past...My place of loss...My failures...Hopes and dreams of ministry and annointing?

We don't see the point. We don't understand the reasoning behind His actions. We make excuses why we can't...Why we wont...We promised ourselves that our failures would stay dead and buried and we'd do our best to move on.

We thought we'd just write it off as a failure...a loss...take our lumps and limp away bleeding broken and bruised forever scarred forever marked locked away in the crypt of our psyche...Hidden in the dark recesses of our soul the opening blocked where nothing can get in and nothing can get out until HE steps forth into the cemetery of your life and with the same voice that spoke creation into existence calls for what was dead to live again!

Wow! This was powerful Jedi!