Why so few funerals for miscarried babies?

[jfrog]

What's everyone's opinion?

[Cindy]

We didn't have a funeral for ours, but they buried him while I was still in the hospital.

[MissBrattified]

I think it's fine for people to mourn the loss of a child in whatever way they want. However, I think it would be unreasonable to have a large, public funeral for a baby that no one knew or maybe expect people to attend who weren't even aware of the pregnancy. It's reasonable to memorialize the baby with people who were directly affected by its existence: parents, siblings, close friends and family.

For some women, this isn't just a loss--it's an embarrassment (for whatever reason). Some women feel sensitive about the fact that they have had a lot of miscarriages, so I think it's best to let the parents choose how to mourn their child. I have friends who didn't want ANYONE to know they had miscarried. I would say that in many cases, people want this to be a private event. Some women have lots of miscarriages in a row--say, 3-4 over the course of just a couple of years of trying to have a baby. Having multiple funerals would be expensive and impractical.

The dynamic changes for late-term losses or still births since more people are connected to the baby and/or pregnancy at that point.

People do tend to underestimate how hurt a family can be when a baby is miscarried. It's a serious loss. Our present culture undermines the value of the "fetus" so this adds to the rather callous idea that you can just try again and everything will be fine. It wasn't even a real "baby" yet, etc. There's also a lot of ignorance about how traumatic it is for the mother to physically and emotionally experience a miscarriage.

[Titus2woman]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I think it's fine for people to mourn the loss of a child in whatever way they want. However, I think it would be unreasonable to have a large, public funeral for a baby that no one knew or maybe expect people to attend who weren't even aware of the pregnancy. It's reasonable to memorialize the baby with people who were directly affected by its existence: parents, siblings, close friends and family.

For some women, this isn't just a loss--it's an embarrassment (for whatever reason). Some women feel sensitive about the fact that they have had a lot of miscarriages, so I think it's best to let the parents choose how to mourn their child. I have friends who didn't want ANYONE to know they had miscarried. I would say that in many cases, people want this to be a private event. Some women have lots of miscarriages in a row--say, 3-4 over the course of just a couple of years of trying to have a baby. Having multiple funerals would be expensive and impractical.

The dynamic changes for late-term losses or still births since more people are connected to the baby and/or pregnancy at that point.

People do tend to underestimate how hurt a family can be when a baby is miscarried. It's a serious loss. Our present culture undermines the value of the "fetus" so this adds to the rather callous idea that you can just try again and everything will be fine. It wasn't even a real "baby" yet, etc. There's also a lot of ignorance about how traumatic it is for the mother to physically and emotionally experience a miscarriage.

If someone had read my mind and heart and polished my thoughts^^^THAT^^^ is what they would have come away with. Not even going to try to restate it. Thanks Miss B

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by Cindy

We didn't have a funeral for ours, but they buried him while I was still in the hospital.

I'm curious, if you will, who buried him? Are you sure anything was buried, is what I'm asking.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by bbyrd009

I'm curious, if you will, who buried him? Are you sure anything was buried, is what I'm asking.

Yes, I am sure.

[warrior]

I think there is a difference between a miscarriage and the actually passing of the baby (still births or late term losses).

Miscarriages tend to happen so early that they pass through the uterus like a normal menstral cycle.

However, still births and such would give you an actual body to bury or handle.

[rgcraig]

No matter what your opinion of the Duggers is, I watched the funeral they held for the last baby she lost. The service was so sweet and as they stated, they needed the comfort from their friends, family and church family. It provided closure and comfort for them.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by warrior

I think there is a difference between a miscarriage and the actually passing of the baby (still births or late term losses).

Miscarriages tend to happen so early that they pass through the uterus like a normal menstral cycle.

However, still births and such would give you an actual body to bury or handle.

I am not sure about the terminology but I understand what your saying. According to some literature my wife had when she was still going to school there are FAR MORE fertilized eggs which pass through, having failed to implant, then those that result in an actual pregnancy. So much so that people would be shocked at how many "children they didn't know they had".

[Sherri]

My daughter has lost several babies over the past two years (and is now pursuing adoption). I can't imagine the emotional turmoil if we had gone through that many funeral services. Just the private grieving was enough.