Jeff and I often look around at other people's kids who seem to be doing well and those we feel have succeeded in various ways, and then we then back up a step and discuss the parenting behind that child. (And often try to emulate it.)
However, I understand that a lot of kids do things and their parents had nothing to do with their choices. At least, I don't want to think so...
And then there are kids who seem to do well out of the gate, and a few years later they're off in left field somewhere.
Are we the only parents who do this? Or are there other judgmental observers out there?
Do you think that parenting is primarily responsible for where kids end up, or do you place the blame for choices squarely on the shoulders of the [adult] kids who make them? Somewhere in between?
How well have your grown kids followed what you taught them, and if not, why not? Have they explained why they took a different path? Or do they avoid those discussions????
If your kids don't succeed in life on various levels (career, relationships, religion, parenting, etc.), do you interpret that as a parental failure? How personally do you take it?
JW.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
I'm sorry! They're mostly questions I ask myself....
We want to influence our kids as adults, but ultimately want them to "own" their decisions and make those really major decisions independently. With parental input, of course. The trick is in hoping that they WANT our input.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
well i know my kids drive me up the wall. they fuss fight and argue. but what gets me is when there with some one else. they give me a complement that my kids were so good.
and im like your not talking about my kids..
being good is not in their vocabulary.
one of the women at church teaches them at school. and she stated at school they take up for each other, and im like my kids?
I think that each child has their own personality and internal make-up. We have to be wise to teach them, but not crush their spirit in the mean time. We can't force them to be little mini-mes.
My son and daughter are so different. She was born stubborn and he was always compliant. Many times she accused me of loving him more, but he and I are so much alike, it's easy to get along with him. We have never knocked heads. When we meet at a restaurant and he is running late, I order his meal because I know what he wants. It's just that easy and he is, "Thanks, that is exactly what I wanted to eat." I would have to wait until my daughter arrived, which is usually late, so order. LOL!
I showed my daughter her good qualities and told her God could use them and he does.
The only thing that I wanted to do in their lives was to prove there was a God. How I did that was by praying for things we needed and things they wanted to show them God hear our prayers. He never failed in that department.
Just this past weekend, my son and I were talking on the phone. He had a need that demanded an answer. I told him that we would keep it between me, himself and God. We would pray that night and Sunday morning, before church, that God would give him an answer. In the service, God, through the gifts of the spirit, spoke directly to him. All I want them to do is to put all of their faith in God. If that is all they have, that is all they need. They saw that answers don't come right away, but patience is a virtue.
Have they done their own thing and walked away from God in the past? Yes, but in their hearts, they always knew and never denied Him. I can live with myself, because I know that I have taught them, shown them the most important thing in this world - there is a God.
If they were total failures today, I would know that - James 1:14 "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."
I cannot stop that, but I have a prayer.....
Last edited by Pressing-On; 05-27-2011 at 01:57 PM.
My children, who now have children, have grown up to be better men than I was at their age.
I'm not sure what the secret is, if there is one, but just being a friend and loving them unconditionally, with kindness in correction goes a long way toward raising good children.
I watch them struggle with parenting as I did, but I see them emulating patience, love and kindness toward my grandchildren which I'm thankful for.
I believe ultimately it is their decisions to be made.
I have seen it play out both ways, parents who try to raise their kids right and one of two things happens, they hold on to it and turn out good or the minute they get freedom they run out to do all the things they never were allowed to do.
On the flip side I have seen the kids of terrible parents turn out the same way and I have seen some turn out really great simply because they didnt want to be like their parents.
__________________ You can't reach the world with your talents. People are sick and tired of religious talents. People need a Holy Ghost annointed church with real fruits to reach out and touch their lives. ~ Pastor Burrell Crabtree
In fact I think that the insinuation of "hateful" Pentecostals is coming mostly from the fertile imaginations of bitter, backslidden ex Apostolics who are constantly trying to find a way to justify their actions. ~ strait shooter
I think a good bit is from outside influences like; school, movies, TV programs, and friends.
You pray over them and trust that God will take care of them.
Of course, when He does sometimes we want to take it right back out of His hands.
__________________
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
It's a mystery question. I can't figure it out, that's for sure.
It's like Scotty said, there are kids that are raised in bad circumstances and turn out great and kids who were raised in a loving, nuturing enviorment and turn out troubled.
My boys grew up with someone who later became a Pro football player whose parents were both in prison. He's an African American man, born on the wrong side of town, had nothing and moved from aunties house (if I remember correctly) to someone else's home. He had everything against him.
He wound up growing up in the home of a friend.
My husband coached him as a middle school child, he became friends with my boys and I can tell you he was the most polite, well mannered, good student and delightful young man you could imagine.
He deliberatley stayed out of trouble, he knew what choices he was making and made them no matter what the peer pressure was.
He's still in the NFL (first year he won a super bowl ring!) and when he made it big he did not forget his parents.
He chose to go to college in his home town to be near them, and then chose his last NFL team to be near his family again. He treats his mother with TLC.
How did all that happen?
I could tell you a story of the opposite happening, a young man with everything going for him, mother who adored him, two parent home, father a police officer. Needed nothing.
He's spent most of his teen and adult life in prison.
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