Self Help Book Suggestion?

SeekingOne · #1 10-07-2010, 10:54 AM

What book would you suggest for someone who isn't getting over leaving a church that doesn't allow them to have contact with their family and friends because they left that church?

This person still loves all those people, sees those people wherever they go to shop and is becoming a depressed recluse. People tell this individual to just pretend they died and get on with life, but they face these people all the time so they can't pretend they are dead.

I know there some books on cults, and I would say they left a cult, but I don't know of any books that deal with facing family and friends that are the same as family but knowing you will never have a relationship with them again. Has a book been written about this?l

I don't want this post to start another series of attacks on the UPC way of shunning. It is terrible and wrong for sure, but what we need is a way to help those that have left such movements and their only "sin" is leaving the cult and living for God.

Pro31:28 · #2 10-07-2010, 10:56 AM

Churches that Abuse and Toxic Faith come to mind.

missourimary · #3 10-07-2010, 11:04 AM

Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend might also help.

rgcraig · #4 10-07-2010, 11:12 AM

So sad.

missourimary · #5 10-07-2010, 11:26 AM

A person who leaves may need several months of "reclusiveness". They need time to adjust, study, regain their balance. They may do most of their shopping at times they know former friends are in church or simply not want to leave their house because they are trying to process so much and answer so many questions at once... questions they denied and pushed away while in church that now surface in droves as reality hits.

These kinds of things are problematic for the one leaving in very different ways than the church often realizes. It may hurt that they weren't the friends the person thought they were, it may be disturbing knowing what members are probably thinking and saying about the person, and it probably makes the person angry that members would behave in such an unChristian manner or that the person ever thought they were nice. It can also be frustrating because the person may remember doing the same things to others when they were shunned and the person was in church. A person can also deal with intense fear and guilt-fear that they will die in a car accident or that they don't deserve to have fun because they left.

It will help her immensely to have a good support group-whether that is an official local support group, an online group, or a group of caring friends that will listen and who have been through similar situations and respect her feelings and beliefs. You might encourage her to go with you to some various activities during her former church's times or out of town and away from all of them, or even to visit at your house or hers for coffee now and then. It can take months before a person feels safe, and sometimes a year or more. I'm sure she appreciates your encouragement and concern and prayers, whether she's voiced that or not.

coadie · #6 10-07-2010, 11:35 AM

The bible

Sam · #7 10-07-2010, 12:35 PM

I would suggest the Spiritual Abuse Website
and their group called Christian-- Koinonia Support
at
http://www.spiritualabuse.org/
and
http://www.spiritualabuse.org/supportgroup/index.php

They have a group on Facebook at
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref...08470765842875

SeekingOne · #8 10-07-2010, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coadie

The bible

The Bible, seriously?? Obviously you don't have a clue about leaving a cult. When a person leaves a cult, sometimes they can't even read the Bible. When they read the Bible, all they hear in their head is what they were taught the Bible says. They don't know truth from a lie if they grew up being taught lies.

Besides, we aren't talking fixing their theology, we are talking about helping them deal with seeing 100's of people they love, including blood relatives, that they are not even allowed to talk to.

Do you think the Bible will help them quit loving those people, so they don't wish to be with them?

coadie · #9 10-07-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

The Bible, seriously?? Obviously you don't have a clue about leaving a cult. When a person leaves a cult, sometimes they can't even read the Bible. When they read the Bible, all they hear in their head is what they were taught the Bible says. They don't know truth from a lie if they grew up being taught lies.

Besides, we aren't talking fixing their theology, we are talking about helping them deal with seeing 100's of people they love, including blood relatives, that they are not even allowed to talk to.

Do you think the Bible will help them quit loving those people, so they don't wish to be with them?

You are silly. No one mentions the bible before me and you give me a sermon.

Self Help Book Suggestion

Self help is not the best way. Stores are loaded with self help books. Only the bible is rich in wisdom and creating discernement.

I will put in your court. List 2 examples how the bible would be detrimental to this issue.

missourimary · #10 10-07-2010, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coadie

I will put in your court. List 2 examples how the bible would be detrimental to this issue.

SeekingOne already did that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

...[1] When a person leaves a cult, sometimes they can't even read the Bible.
[2]When they read the Bible, all they hear in their head is what they were taught the Bible says.
[3]They don't know truth from a lie if they grew up being taught lies.

I can add a couple more if you'd like:
4) religion is being used against them. The Bible is used by the group, and it will take time (lots of it) to untangle what the Bible says from the actions of the group and the way they used the scriptures to prove they were right in those actions.
5) the group probably really has used the Bible to prove their actions were right
6) the person can probably quote the Bible quite well. They also probably have been taught to misread or simply ignore certain verses.