Any life coaches on the board??? I need help!

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by OneAccord

Naw... life ain't over at 40. (Don't listen to Ron). Life was over at 30.

Now Now.. you went from messin to meddlin right There!!! LOL.... Its 40 I say!!!

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by OneAccord

Naw... life ain't over at 40. (Don't listen to Ron). Life was over at 30.

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

Now Now.. you went from messin to meddlin right There!!! LOL.... Its 40 I say!!!

[OneAccord]

= Teens

=20's



=30's


=40's

= 50's and beyond (thats where I live!)

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by OneAccord

= Teens

=20's



=30's


=40's

= 50's and beyond (thats where I live!)

You know OA, I don't believe you, you are definitely not the grumpy old man type!! I live surrounded by a BUNCH of the well beyond 50 crowd, and there are a LOT of those types around!!!

[OneAccord]

Nah, I was just a funnin' with ya. And no, I'm not grumpy... except when I don't get my daily allowance of caffiene. Life is good at any age. I find, though, that when you pats the big 50, life becomes a little more mellowed. Mellowed with age, I guess. My father in law is 80 years old, and today, he was out in the woods cutting trees for his saw mill. We felt a few years ago that he was too old for that sort of thing and we pulled the plug on it. And, his health went down. So... now he's back cuttin trees down and rides his little motorcycle everywhere. Life doesn't end at 30 or at 50. But, it changes. And change isn't all bad.

[chosenbyone]

D

This thread was so depressing! No, really! I have sat here for the last hour and a half researching articles on-line on "pack rats" and "hoarders". The more sites I visited the more I realized that I had a huge problem. I literally have a mini department store in my spare bedroom with boxes of items still in department bags and boxes. My closets....forget about it....stuff to the ceiling with "stuff".

Perhaps, we should start an Apostolic Pack Rat Support Group! Oh, btw, I saw forty come and go and lived through it...be encouraged!

I copied a couple of articles that I found to be very enlightening.



A 1998 article in the Journal of Psychiatric Medicine called "Hoarding is a symptom, not a syndrome" that hoarding or the pack rat problem is due to the following things:

Items are viewed and perceived as valuable

Items provide a sense and feel of security

Fear of forgetting or misplaced items

Constant need to collect and keep things

Obtaining love not found in personal relationships

Fear others will take and obtain their personal information

Physical limitations, abilities, and frailty

Inability to organize and dealing with change

Self-neglect

Stressful life events

Background was poor or grew up with very little


...I believe that we are a product of our environment. The physical environment in which we spend most of our time affects how we think and feel.

...I’ve also found that the clutter in my environment negatively affect my performance. When I am surrounded by mess and disorganization, I feel more mentally cluttered, less decisive, slightly anxious and more easily annoyed.

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by chosenbyone

D

This thread was so depressing! No, really! I have sat here for the last hour and a half researching articles on-line on "pack rats" and "hoarders". The more sites I visited the more I realized that I had a huge problem. I literally have a mini department store in my spare bedroom with boxes of items still in department bags and boxes. My closets....forget about it....stuff to the ceiling with "stuff".

Perhaps, we should start an Apostolic Pack Rat Support Group! Oh, btw, I saw forty come and go and lived through it...be encouraged!

I copied a couple of articles that I found to be very enlightening.



A 1998 article in the Journal of Psychiatric Medicine called "Hoarding is a symptom, not a syndrome" that hoarding or the pack rat problem is due to the following things:

Items are viewed and perceived as valuable

Items provide a sense and feel of security

Fear of forgetting or misplaced items

Constant need to collect and keep things

Obtaining love not found in personal relationships

Fear others will take and obtain their personal information

Physical limitations, abilities, and frailty

Inability to organize and dealing with change

Self-neglect

Stressful life events

Background was poor or grew up with very little


...I believe that we are a product of our environment. The physical environment in which we spend most of our time affects how we think and feel.

...I’ve also found that the clutter in my environment negatively affect my performance. When I am surrounded by mess and disorganization, I feel more mentally cluttered, less decisive, slightly anxious and more easily annoyed.

Well, now I feel bad for depressing YOU!! LOL!!

Thanks for sharing that info though, I am going to be printing all of this out so I have all the helpful hints with me as I try to start muddling through.

Several of the symptoms that you listed hit home for me. That is what I don't think some people realize, if it was as simple as just getting up and doing it, we wouldn't be having this conversation!

Thanks friend!

[tamor]

Originally Posted by OneAccord

You know, when I first read this, my initial reaction was the same as RevRandy's. Clean house, problem solved. Whats the big deal?

But recent events in my own experience causes me to stop and really consider your situation. You are going through some major changes. Major, with a capital MAJ... Its like one chapter of your life is closing and, well...the other hasn't begun yet.

I'll do some predicting here. I predict your life, until recently has been... well, comfotable. No real big major UPs, no real big major DOWNS. Kinda even keeled, almose ho-hum. Now, with the deaths of 3 principles in your life, and with your daughters going away to college, life is a little less certain. Much of what has been comfortable in your life is... well, either going or gone. At least thats the way you see it now. But, lthat life (before the changes) isn't really gone, its just re-arranging itself. Making room for transitions which, can be good or not so good, depending on how you handle the situation.

I'll give you an example from my own experience. For several weeks now (hard to believe its already nearly two months), I have been trying to keep the house exactly like it was before Lola died. I wnated it to stay as she left it, because, in changing anything, I felt like I was moving away from her. She NEVER went to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, no matter how late it was. I haven't done that either. She ALWAYS hung up coats, jackets, and shoes (for whatever reason) were always put inthe closet. I kept up many of her rituals. But, now, well, (as you m8iight expect), things aren't quite as neat. That bothered me some, but I have come to realize that our life was, in a sense, the way she wanted it. The furniture was arranged the way she wanted it. The kitchen was arranged the way it was convenient and useful to her. But, it doesn't work that way for me. She kept the checkbook one way. Her method doesn't work for me. I do it a different way. It works better for me.

The house, my life is in transition, the same as yours is. A new chapter is unfolding. Reading a book won't help, beacuse you will still be trying to arrange your life according to someone elses plan. You have to find your own plan...

What are some things you alway wanted to do, but never had time to do?
Do those things.
What color is your daughters bedroom? Like it? If not, change it. It sounds almost selfish to think of things this way, but, though our circumstances are vastly different, we, whether we want to or not, are in the position to live our lives for US. I've never been able to go to Arizona, but, I can now. I feel so selfish even saying that, but, the cold hard fact of the matter is this: I, like you, have to find my way in life, even though, personally, I really don't want to. I have to because Lola would want me to.

De-clutter your life from other peoples "stuff" to make room for your own stuff. I am in that process now. Its not easy. I'm looking at a great big wicker basket that Lola has had for umpteen years. I hvae no need for that basket at all. If serves no purpose. Eventually, I'll do something with it, because holding on to it doesn't keep Lola here. She wouldn't want my life cluttered up with her "stuff"- they are mere reminders of what was, and provides no direction for what will be. So, I figght it tooth and nail, but, life goes on. Kinda wish it wouldn't but it does, and I guess I have no choice but to go along with it.

Sister, your house itsn't a mess... its not cluttered. It is just transitioning. Now... YOU. You transition with it. Quit trying to hold to what was.. and go on to what will be. I think thats what Lola was trying to tell me with her last words.... "Its been good, but, it'll soon be better".

Excellent post. This said it all.

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by dizzyde

Well, now I feel bad for depressing YOU!! LOL!!

Thanks for sharing that info though, I am going to be printing all of this out so I have all the helpful hints with me as I try to start muddling through.

Several of the symptoms that you listed hit home for me. That is what I don't think some people realize, if it was as simple as just getting up and doing it, we wouldn't be having this conversation!

Thanks friend!

Stuff is so tied up in emotions for some people. It's not just as easy as clean it up or get rid of it. Well, it is..but it's not easy to get to that point for everyone.

Baby steps. One item at a time, 5 minutes at a time, one day at a time. Progress, not perfection.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

If you ever find a fix for that part right there PLEASE let ME know!!! LOL

Girlfriend you are waaaayyyyy past that, get use to it................