Divorce - Adultery Thread

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

How did this thread turn into a divorce thread?

Oh, never mind - it was Rhoni!

Renda, I am surprise at you...I didn't start that topic..OP did!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Renda, I am surprise at you...I didn't start that topic..OP did!

Lol - I just saw your long response and thought that was the first divorce was mentioned. I thought OP was talking about raising children alone.

[OP_Carl]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

This is uncalled for OP. I have always treated you and your posts with respect. My world has not, nor ever has been a life of fantasy...I have lived most of the things we discuss on this forum. I have also studied in 8 years of college and done the research on these matters because it affected me and I fell into the statistics.

Accepted notions are not always facts...go to Barna research stats and you'll find all of which I speak.

You can passionately believe something only to find out you were passionately WRONG.

Blessings, Rhoni

Rhoni,

I'm sorry that my wording was over the top. I hope you know that I always look foward to reading your posts.

It's just that you painted a picture of the divorced man living a liberated carefree life and the divorced woman shackled to a life of single parenthood, drudgery, and poverty. I can not and will not accept this as the only or final page in the book. Unless the man can go underground and acquire forged ID papers, it is very rare that any portion of the criminal justice and legal systems will give him favorable treatment. Half the assets, court fees, child support, maybe alimony on top of all that is not what I call getting off scot-free.

I recognize that there is a real problem of the deadbeat that either has nothing or conceals his post-divorce income. I recognize that men are abusive, and are more prone to adultery.

I hope you recognize that our present-day justice system is now set up to come down on the husband and ex-husband like a ton of bricks.

Most of the time, the woman decides the terms and the extent of the man's remaining rights. The woman lawyers coach the women in what to say to the judges so they initiate key limitations or actions.

If the woman calls the police over a few times, perhaps during an argument, then that establishes a pattern of abuse, real or contrived. If she alleges that he might have had inappropriate contact with the children, that activates ANOTHER huge bank of justice machinery. And that's DEFINITELY the side where the man is guilty until proven innocent.

Still friendly, and still enjoy discussing things with you,

Carl

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by OP_Carl

Rhoni,

I'm sorry that my wording was over the top. I hope you know that I always look foward to reading your posts.

It's just that you painted a picture of the divorced man living a liberated carefree life and the divorced woman shackled to a life of single parenthood, drudgery, and poverty. I can not and will not accept this as the only or final page in the book. Unless the man can go underground and acquire forged ID papers, it is very rare that any portion of the criminal justice and legal systems will give him favorable treatment. Half the assets, court fees, child support, maybe alimony on top of all that is not what I call getting off scot-free.

I recognize that there is a real problem of the deadbeat that either has nothing or conceals his post-divorce income. I recognize that men are abusive, and are more prone to adultery.

I hope you recognize that our present-day justice system is now set up to come down on the husband and ex-husband like a ton of bricks.

Most of the time, the woman decides the terms and the extent of the man's remaining rights. The woman lawyers coach the women in what to say to the judges so they initiate key limitations or actions.

If the woman calls the police over a few times, perhaps during an argument, then that establishes a pattern of abuse, real or contrived. If she alleges that he might have had inappropriate contact with the children, that activates ANOTHER huge bank of justice machinery. And that's DEFINITELY the side where the man is guilty until proven innocent.

Still friendly, and still enjoy discussing things with you,

Carl

Dear OP,

You and I both speak from the experience from the different side of the coin. Of course my personal view is slanted but is far from a fantasy which was the only problem I had with your post. I live in reality and it is not very pretty for the most part. I would not agree with you that it is always slanted againt the male.

Blessings, Rhoni

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by OP_Carl

Rhoni,

I'm sorry that my wording was over the top. I hope you know that I always look foward to reading your posts.

It's just that you painted a picture of the divorced man living a liberated carefree life and the divorced woman shackled to a life of single parenthood, drudgery, and poverty. I can not and will not accept this as the only or final page in the book. Unless the man can go underground and acquire forged ID papers, it is very rare that any portion of the criminal justice and legal systems will give him favorable treatment. Half the assets, court fees, child support, maybe alimony on top of all that is not what I call getting off scot-free.

I recognize that there is a real problem of the deadbeat that either has nothing or conceals his post-divorce income. I recognize that men are abusive, and are more prone to adultery.

I hope you recognize that our present-day justice system is now set up to come down on the husband and ex-husband like a ton of bricks.Most of the time, the woman decides the terms and the extent of the man's remaining rights. The woman lawyers coach the women in what to say to the judges so they initiate key limitations or actions.

If the woman calls the police over a few times, perhaps during an argument, then that establishes a pattern of abuse, real or contrived. If she alleges that he might have had inappropriate contact with the children, that activates ANOTHER huge bank of justice machinery. And that's DEFINITELY the side where the man is guilty until proven innocent.

Still friendly, and still enjoy discussing things with you,

Carl

you obviously have never lived through this. I am sure there are some fathers who are held accountible through the system. I can give you a total different story and many others I know... I know countless single mothers that have to fight for every dime they get and most of their ex's money is hid through/with girlfriends or new wives.

My ex husband spent 1 year in work release center for non child support... our county is considered one of the toughest counties in this State on Child Support... I have proof of every support payment ever paid... less than $4K of child support on three kids over the last six years. The County let him live in a work release facility and pay me only $20 a week while he faithfully supported and put a roof over his girlfriend.. while she sat at home doing nothing.

You really have absolutely no clue... and no, he wasn't underground. The majority of the last six years, he has lived within a mile of me... except for the times he's been incarcerated.

[CC1]

OpieCarl,

Actually I believe recent research has shown that women are more prone to commit adultery than men.

I read one study that says 50% of married women cheat. I find that hard to beleive. Perhaps the survey was done in the godless NorthEast USA or California!!!!

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by ForeverBlessed

you obviously have never lived through this. I am sure there are some fathers who are held accountible through the system. I can give you a total different story and many others I know... I know countless single mothers that have to fight for every dime they get and most of their ex's money is hid through/with girlfriends or new wives.

My ex husband spent 1 year in work release center for non child support... our county is considered one of the toughest counties in this State on Child Support... I have proof of every support payment ever paid... less than $4K of child support on three kids over the last six years. The County let him live in a work release facility and pay me only $20 a week while he faithfully supported and put a roof over his girlfriend.. while she sat at home doing nothing.

You really have absolutely no clue... and no, he wasn't underground. The majority of the last six years, he has lived within a mile of me... except for the times he's been incarcerated.

You know I am with you on this one I can say that many times it is only one side you here and in all fairness both should be heard to bring a balance.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by CC1

OpieCarl,

Actually I believe recent research has shown that women are more prone to commit adultery than men.

I read one study that says 50% of married women cheat. I find that hard to beleive. Perhaps the survey was done in the godless NorthEast USA or California!!!!

CC1, Your statistics are a bit off: I'll have to check my past stats but the % was more (92% men and only 8% women). The reasons and circumstances were much different. From the study I did in 1994 [a bit old] women usually give subtle hints to the husband hoping to change things for years and sometimes decade. Women need emotional attachment and if the emotional attachment is denied them by the spouse they turn to another for affirmation. Men are totally clueless until the woman gives up and says...you know what - it is over and then does something to signify the end. Men were more prone to being impluse driven and reacting to physical attraction and a woman who flatters them. They still love their wives but think one has nothing to do with the other...until the shoe is on the other foot.

Blessings, Rhoni

[James Griffin]

Things have radically changed the past decade.

Wives that cheat on their husbands are now a statistical dead heat.

One study in Germany found that married women were slightly more likely to cheat on their spouse.

The most disturbing find: That the cheating wife was more likely to have a longer affair and less likely to ever tell her husband. This has been one of the most dramatic social shift paradigms in modern times IMHO.

There are many reasons/explanations given. Most of which would go beyond a simple post.

But this thread has taken some twists and turns. Perhaps it would be best to spawn off a couple new ones?

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by James Griffin

Things have radically changed the past decade.

Wives that cheat on their husbands are now a statistical dead heat.

One study in Germany found that married women were slightly more likely to cheat on their spouse.

The most disturbing find: That the cheating wife was more likely to have a longer affair and less likely to ever tell her husband. This has been one of the most dramatic social shift paradigms in modern times IMHO.

There are many reasons/explanations given. Most of which would go beyond a simple post.

But this thread has taken some twists and turns. Perhaps it would be best to spawn off a couple new ones?

We are waiting for you to start it...we asked you to several pages ago Thanks for the updated info...mine is really quite outdated!

Blessings, Rhoni