For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

wow i have been reading this thread for almost an hour now, it is incredible. and i was beginning to think i was one of the only ones who had been through such a mess. i was in two different churches like this. believe me, they are very real and very abusive.

the first church i was in, here are some of the rules:
1) no one under any circumstance could wear the color red, or own anything that was red, no red cars, nothing
2) i was not married by the time i moved to this church, so i was required to give the pastor, keys to my house, my car, he had his name put on my bank account. single women could not even run to the grocery store alone.
3) besides the normal you cant cut your hair rule, they had it, if you were 14 or under you were required to wear your hair down. no pony tails, no bows, no clips, nothing. after 14 you were required to wear your hair up at all times until you married. then you could wear your hair down, only in the presence of your spouse. only thing allowed in your hair was bobby pins. not even hair spray was allowed.
4) you could not purchase anything or take a job without the pastors approval and when you first move there or join that church, if he didnt like your job, or home or car, you were forced to change it, imediately.
5) under no circumstances was a single person allowed to have any visitor in their home unless it was same sexed relatives. i was under constant watch because i was a single mother with two sons. he at one point tried to force me to move my sons out of my home, because he said it did not look right for boys to live with a single lady (omg i was their mother!)
6) no sports were allowed at all for anyone at any time. you couldnt even go in your own yard and play catch with your own children and heaven forbid if you shot a basket!
7) they allowed no dating at all. if a guy liked a girl, he met with the pastor for a year, then the pastor went to the girls parents if he approved, and told them that he had her husband. then the marriage was planned between the pastor and parents. after marriage, he said when they could have children and when they couldnt.

i could go on but i am sure this one post wouldnt hold it all. sigh the next church was just as bad, almost the same rules stated applied, plus a few new ones

1) no electronic devices were allowed, no tv, no cell phone, no computer, no radio, no MICROWAVES even, we were required to use wind up alarm clocks even!!
2) if you wanted to go out to eat after a service, you were only allowed to go with your immediate family, and had to order it to take home.
3) under no circumstance were you ever allowed to visit another church, OF ANY KIND! i made the mistake of visiting a revival that a friend from work was going to at her church, and they were apostolic! i wont say what i went through over that one.
4) we were not allowed to go to any kind of doctor, dentist or anyone in the medical profession, no medication is allowed at any time, not so much as an asprin.

anyways the list is endless. what made me finally leave and never go back was, one night around 3am, the pastor came into my home, i was in bed asleep as was my youngest son, he was 15 at the time. the pastor drug my son out of his bed, with the help of four other elders, they took him out into the street into the church building that was across the street and beat him from head to toe. when i asked as to why this was happening, i was told that God told him that my son was watching porn on a tv hidden in his closet! there was no tv anywhere in my home at the time, for we were not allowed any electronics.

this is very real, and there are so many that are being spiritually abused at the hands of so called pastors. if you have not experience this you need to thank God that he protected you, but for many this is very real and very damaging. dont look down on those who leave the churches all together because of this. these kinds of abuses are the worst. its one thing to be abused by friends or family, but when you are abused by your pastor and church it does something that is not easily healed. its easy to sit and pass judgement on us, but until you have walked in our shoes you have no idea just how deep this pain goes.

[Thad]

Originally Posted by SISTER Murphy

One simple reminder for you, Thad, and something that you, as a pastor's kid should know: there's at least one whole other side to this story, and one that this forum probably won't ever hear, because of a simple thing called integrity, and that is the pastor's side of this story.

When she said it was a "District" Problem, i took that to mean that the leadership of the District would not deal with the pastors who mistreat their saints.NOt that EVERY church was ran the way she described hers to be. That DOES happen when pastor's & leaders become close just as it can happen on a local level when you become too familiar with each other. If we are honest, politics are a reality of any organization. none of this is too far fetched to mention.

Do you believe there is NO shread of truth to ANYTHING that ANYONE has stated on here? they are ALL making up lies on the pastor??? I just can't believe that sis. I think it makes us look Prideful when we can't admit that are own are wrong sometimes and just simply say I am sorry. I am sorry you was wronged and hurt by leadership and I hope that you will be restored. Roxanne, you have rebuked me a number of times in the past and we had our moments and at times i was wrong, but this time you are really coming across as hostile, defensive and merciless. If you are the one who is righteous, then bear the fruits of it.

Originally Posted by Thad

When she said it was a "District" Problem, i took that to mean that the leadership of the District would not deal with the pastors who mistreat their saints.NOt that EVERY church was ran the way she described hers to be. That DOES happen when pastor's & leaders become close just as it can happen on a local level when you become too familiar with each other. If we are honest, politics are a reality of any organization. none of this is too far fetched to mention.

Do you believe there is NO shread of truth to ANYTHING that ANYONE has stated on here? they are ALL making up lies on the pastor??? I just can't believe that sis. I think it makes us look Prideful when we can't admit that are own are wrong sometimes and just simply say I am sorry. I am sorry you was wronged and hurt by leadership and I hope that you will be restored. Roxanne, you have rebuked me a number of times in the past and we had our moments and at times i was wrong, but this time you are really coming across as hostile, defensive and merciless. If you are the one who is righteous, then bear the fruits of it.

Thad my brother....this is an awesome post....

[MrsMcD]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

Thad my brother....this is an awesome post....

I thought so too.

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

I thought so too.

I have no second thoughts about what I have posted here, I am being honest and truthful....my goal wasn't to malign anyone, it was to point out a serious problem, because Souls are what are important...or at least I thought so....if people are being hurt and sent out to fend for themselves some of them will not make it....some of them will turn their backs on God and the truth! The attack on me shows where the heart of the problem is...and it is in the hearts of many who defend this kind of behaviour...that is why it continues...saying the pastor is always right no matter what???

[Thad]

why thank you Ladies (taking bow!)

Originally Posted by Thad

why thank you Ladies (taking bow!)

Your welcome....

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Thad

why thank you Ladies (taking bow!)

Thad, that was good - it was what I was thinking, so thanks for saying it!

[MrsMcD]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

I have no second thoughts about what I have posted here, I am being honest and truthful....my goal wasn't to malign anyone, it was to point out a serious problem, because Souls are what are important...or at least I thought so....if people are being hurt and sent out to fend for themselves some of them will not make it....some of them will turn their backs on God and the truth! The attack on me shows where the heart of the problem is...and it is in the hearts of many who defend this kind of behaviour...that is why it continues...saying the pastor is always right no matter what???

Throughout this entire thread, I felt that you were over all this. You wouldn't have been able to post as you did, if you were not over it. I never felt it was a bashing thread toward anyone. I guess some folks don't like the truth spoken.

[freeatlast]

Originally Posted by SISTER Murphy

You THINK there are quite a few churches that 'run things the same or very similar'? I see. I would recommend you visit such churches as you suspect of this before you make such a claim, but then you might discover that things are not nearly so awful as you THINK.

Sis Murphy: you are not going to pick this in a few visits tio a church like this.

My former pastor was one of the most charming of men.

You'd only find out the type of things that SisTs and others have posted here after you commited to become a regular there.

For those who first found Christ in that situation , we became easy prey for this type of ministry.

We were trusting, in fact told we had basically had to blindly trust in the ministry or we would surley be lost.

When all the rules began to be heaped upon us we just obeyed out of fear of becoming guilty of "witchcraft"

I am truly glad that there are some like you among us, who have a hard time believing any of this ever happens in other OP churches.

Just because you have not seen it does not make it impossible to have happened. Trust me, it happened to me.