Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveC519
Hello Aquila,
I have a somewhat different view concerning the subject of self gratification. I believe God intended sexual pleasure to be a shared experience within the context of the marriage bond. The reason I believe this is because marriage itself is a shared experience. It's not about my needs or my wife's needs, it's about OUR needs- as two becoming "one flesh". I believe that if a spouse chooses to engage in self gratification, the focus shifts to satisfying the individual's need rather than focusing on the shared need of the couple.
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Bro. Dave,
We are individual beings with individual needs. Sadly I think that when couples marry they fall under the illusion that they don’t have individual needs any longer. This often leads to neglect. One problem many marriages face is that as years pass… one of their needs isn’t being met be it physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual. Often people feel “absorbed” by their spouse and discover after years of marriage they’ve never developed into who they were supposed to be. Marriage is a little complicated because you have two people with individual needs in a relationship that also demands a shared experience. The individual needs don’t vanish just because of marriage.
The subject here is primarily physical needs. I’ve known couples who due to schedule, sickness, work, military deployment, or just lack of shared degree of interest who couldn’t meet each others needs all the time. Marriage is also about “respect”, “trust”, “acceptance”, and “openness”. Let’s assume that for whatever reason, I can’t meet all my wife’s needs. I don’t want her to go without that need being met. I certainly don’t want her living with an unmet need that opens the door to temptation from another. I would almost encourage her to take care of her needs on occasion. My only request is that she thinks about us on those occasions. I believe that the mutual respect, trust, acceptance, and openness do more to strengthen the marriage than an expectation that we be all things to each other all the time.
But I do see your point. There has to be balance. Both cannot strictly focus on their own individual needs all the time. I believe that a couple should “focus” on needs being met in a way that is shared. I’m just saying that I do accept that there were be occasions and circumstances when their individual needs may need to be met individually.
Single people have needs and should be expected to responsibly tend to those needs until marriage. In today’s world our society expects a person to marry after college. That means they are in their mid twenties on average. In biblical times, it wasn’t uncommon to be married at 15 or 16 years of age. While the demands of our society have increased in such a way as to warrant waiting…human biology and the normal human needs that develop remain the same. I don’t expect a single person to wait until they are in their mid twenties before having their needs met. I expect, and would even encourage that they meet those needs themselves and assure them that they are perfectly normal and loved by God.
Paul said something interesting. Paul wrote…
I Corinthians 7:8
{7:8} I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is
good for them if they abide even as I. {7:9} But if they
cannot contain, let them marry:
Notice Paul is addressing the unmarried and widows. Here Paul states that it is good if they remain celibate as he is. However, Paul then says, “But if they cannot contain…”. What does that mean? Certainly Paul isn’t talking about fornication. That would bring swift condemnation from the Apostle and a demand for repentance. Obviously these unmarried and widowed individuals were unable to “contain” in a manner that was simply in regards to their physical needs. Paul doesn’t condemn them, demand repentance, tell them they’ve sinned, warn that they’ll go blind, admonish that they pray when they feel that they can’t contain, or that they listen to Christian music when they feel they can’t contain, nor does he tell them to write their needs on a balloon and pop it. Nope. Paul offers no condemnation. In fact, his language is such that one walks away realizing that Paul understands that they have needs that can’t be contained. Paul’s advice is that they marry. When a single person has needs that they can’t contain it’s essentially a sign that they are meant for marriage. They should begin praying and looking for a spouse.
Maybe I’m too liberal on this one. I just think that some things are a natural part of being a human being and we do well not to attach unwarranted guilt and shame to such things.
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