How to deal with cheating husband

[houston]

All the wife's fault! She probably didn't keep her figure while he gained 50 lbs. She must not have kept the house clean, dinner served, laundry washed, and kids in line while he got home and reclined in front of the tv. Or maybe she didn't bake his cake every night of the week. Whatever the problem, it is her fault.

[Hoovie]

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs...111250868.html

[OnTheFritz]

Originally Posted by houston

All the wife's fault! She probably didn't keep her figure while he gained 50 lbs. She must not have kept the house clean, dinner served, laundry washed, and kids in line while he got home and reclined in front of the tv. Or maybe she didn't bake his cake every night of the week. Whatever the problem, it is her fault.

Tell that sister to get over it!

[Truthseeker]

My marriage is a sad case if my wife feels like she has to do certain things to keep me from cheating. She should do things because I am her husband and any adonrment/make pretty should be based on desire for me as her husband not to keep me right.

[KeptByTheWord]

This very situation being discussed is being played out with a couple I know very well. Forgiveness is not so much the issue as the issue of trust. Once trust has been broken, it is very, very hard to rebuild.

Each case and scenario where the cheating takes place is individual and unique. I've have seen quite a few of these situations in the last few years. One family dealt with the husband buying prostitutes. With the Lord's help, that family is still intact, because the husband truly sought repentance and changed his ways sincerely.

Another situation involved a wife who basically prostituted herself out to whomever she met that wanted it, even while she lived a life of ease, and comfort. Her husband loved her deeply though, and begged her for months after it became public what she was doing, to quit, and get help, and stay at home... but she was a "Gomer" and had no interest in quitting, and left her husband and two small children, to go and do the things she wanted to do. With all the prayers, counseling, and begging, she could not be persuaded to change her ways.

In another situation ongoing right now, a husband has cheated on his wife repeatedly for the last ten years, buying prostitutes. He ended his relationship with the Lord about that time (ten years ago), and the wife has stuck with him praying and loving him, even while he wasn't proclaiming to be a Christian. Then just recently, his promiscuous sin was discovered. They are trying to work things out even now. Forgiveness is not so much the issue, but trust is. They both want the marriage to work, she is a prayer warrior, and a loving, beautiful woman. He is dealing with a terrible spirit of lust, and is trying to fight it, not yet really relying on the Lord's help, but yet desiring a change in his life. They still need prayer, so any of you who would be willing to hold this family up in prayer, they desperately need it.

So... what is the answer to the question posed? I don't know for sure, except one thing seems to be central that I've seen in marriages that suffer with a cheating spouse. Without repentance from the guilty party, and a true lifestyle change, and a desire to build trust again, then usually the marriage won't make it. If however, both parties are willing to concede and work on reconciliation, and forgiveness with the Lord's help, there is a greater chance the marriage will survive.

As for Pat R. speel... it kinda made me sick the way the blame seemed to get laid on the woman... that perhaps she hadn't made the home wonderful enough for the husband. I think that was bad advice. Both parties need to be working together to make the home a happy place, not just the wife. Both need to be willing to change their ways, and work together to rebuild the trust in their marriage. And both parties desperately need the help of the Lord to overcome the issues they are facing. Only Jesus is able to bring the peace, love and trust back into a marriage after it has been ripped apart, but both parties need to be seeking Jesus, not just one.. because more than likely, that marriage won't make it if that is the case.

[ApostolicKitty]

Not buying that Pat Robertson was thinking of someone other than himself with the prostitute thing!

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

It is not wrong to forgive and still not trust. There is a reason that cheating is given as a legitimate reason to leave your spouse. The bible doesn't demand it but says it is a valid excuse. The advice to "get over it and move on" while not invalid per say is about the same as telling a mother or father who just lost their first born "you need to move on and have another baby".

That isn't to say there is NO hope for a couple where one or both have cheated but it is just not as easy to work through as some who have never experienced it think it is.

No kidding on that. I thought it was a callous thing to say "get over it and move on". These things take time. It seemed a decent amount of time had passed and she was concerned about the condition of her own soul because she had not forgiven him yet.

His advice was half good and half bad. I do agree with the notion of a woman doing her best to please her husband and and consider the positives of the relationship while trying to forgive. I do not agree with the notion of not talking about it. If it still hurts, which it likely does, she NEEDS to talk about it and get it out of her system.

As a so-called Christian leader who is giving advice out, wouldn't you think the first thing he would say is to pray??? Maybe even fast??

But I guess that's all that could be expected from Pat Robertson. After all, "he's a man" and men are cheaters by nature -- completely carnally-minded with a "tendency to wander" -- according to Pat.

[ApostolicKitty]

Originally Posted by Sweet Pea

Now - I'm wondering if it was REAL marital counseling or if it was a pastor telling her: "He has asked for forgiveness and is willing to make this marriage work. Do you want to make it work? If not, you have a Biblical right to divorce him; however, if you don't want a divorce, you need to forgive him and let's move on from here."

Great point. We really don't know how long they went to counselling or what happened during it. It just seems as if they are no longer getting help.

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

The assumptions were huge and glaring and freaking stereotyping... He assumed that the man was the bread winner and provided everything for the wife who should have plenty of time to be a happy homemaker and sultry seductress... blech! How many women now must work to make bills and barely have time to get dinner on the table? In most families I know now if a man wants more or better sex he better be ready to do the dinner dishes and get the kids their baths.

Mostly my biggest issue is that we would even try to handle life's most trying problems, one's that stretch our faith to the limits, in a few minutes on a TV program, essentially for other's entertainment.... disgusting. When were the elders in our churches reduced to being sound-bites?

True, too. Nothing there said she was a homemaker, that he worked, or that they even had any children.

I don't get why anyone would write Pat Robertson for advice either, but, for all I know, it was a question Pat Robertson came up with himself just for the sake of the show. LOL

[ApostolicKitty]

Originally Posted by KeptByTheWord

In another situation ongoing right now, a husband has cheated on his wife repeatedly for the last ten years, buying prostitutes. He ended his relationship with the Lord about that time (ten years ago), and the wife has stuck with him praying and loving him, even while he wasn't proclaiming to be a Christian. Then just recently, his promiscuous sin was discovered. They are trying to work things out even now. Forgiveness is not so much the issue, but trust is. They both want the marriage to work, she is a prayer warrior, and a loving, beautiful woman. He is dealing with a terrible spirit of lust, and is trying to fight it, not yet really relying on the Lord's help, but yet desiring a change in his life. They still need prayer, so any of you who would be willing to hold this family up in prayer, they desperately need it.

Most certainly.

I like what you said about both spouses working on the marriage. That's the only way a marriage can work!

[KeptByTheWord]

Originally Posted by ApostolicKitty

Most certainly.

I like what you said about both spouses working on the marriage. That's the only way a marriage can work!

Thank you for praying!

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by KeptByTheWord

Both parties need to be working together to make the home a happy place, not just the wife. Both need to be willing to change their ways, and work together to rebuild the trust in their marriage. And both parties desperately need the help of the Lord to overcome the issues they are facing. Only Jesus is able to bring the peace, love and trust back into a marriage after it has been ripped apart, but both parties need to be seeking Jesus, not just one.. because more than likely, that marriage won't make it if that is the case.

Yes, I've seen Jesus bring trust back into a relationship that has been severely damaged by adultery !!!! But as you stated, BOTH parties have to be seeking Jesus!!!