Oh, 18 year olds... i have had my moments with mine. I am pretty strict and believe that freedom comes with responsibility. My 18 year old didn't have much because I couldn't get her to cooperate with anything. She wanted to sleep all day, stay up all night and worked very little.. I wanted her to start school this fall... she put it off till second semester... I was tired of trying to organize her life. She depended upon me for everything.
About two weeks or so ago.. she decided she didn't like being told she couldn't stay out all night with friends. I was mean and strict and she was 18 I told her I didn't care if she was 28... until she was responsible she doesn't make rules. She decided not to come home one night and stayed with a friend.. she never called, nothing... she called later the next day and told me she needed space. I told her she can have all the space she needs, she could move out... #1, I have two others looking at the example. If I allowed her to run in and out .....taking space of several days for freedom and then waltz back in for food and comfort of home... NOT happening!
She came and got her clothes... it nearly killed me... I cried for two days straight. Then I just started praying that God would have his way... and everything that I had ever taught her would stick with her.
I had several parents who have already raised kids telling me to stick it out...be tough.. I think everyone called it "tough love". Well, the one seeming to hurt was me...
She is here with me tonight because of the holiday, we had a family get together... but there has been a very big change in her.
In the last several weeks I have seen (or heard) things that have made me very proud. She has grown up a lot in just that short time... she has walked several miles to her job, walked to church or made sure she had rides to church... She has not missed one service and I am seeing big improvements in several areas of her life. The person she chose to move in with is Apostolic...and even though I have to admit it isn't the life I would have chosen for her, she is fighting for her independence... I understand that I moved out at 19 determined that I was going to prove I could do it on my own.... and I did... I never moved back home. I hope that she does move back and go to school... she needs to go to college.. but I can't make her.. and I know that she is trying to grow up...
Friday night, she came by to see me...she was going to the church to pray... I went to the church to pray as well. She talked to me for a long time and told me how she came to the realization that she really did serve God for herself... it wasn't because of me. She asked me for help in studying the bible and her desire to learn more about God. She told me how she was witnessing to people.
She showed up today at church with a young single mother and her son who she is witnessing to at work. She just had someone give her a Jimmy... so soon she will have her own wheels...
I have been so afraid to trust her.. but so far, she has really surprised me...
It is not what I want...but I am just hanging in there..
I think it would actually help too to remember how we were at 18. Scary thought but we turned out okay . I'm sure that you are a much better parent than you give yourself credit for.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Houston.
Either the United States will destroy ignorance, or ignorance will destroy the United States. – W.E.B. DuBois
I think it would actually help too to remember how we were at 18. Scary thought but we turned out okay. I'm sure that you are a much better parent than you give yourself credit for.
Speak for yourself!
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
Oh, 18 year olds... i have had my moments with mine. I am pretty strict and believe that freedom comes with responsibility. My 18 year old didn't have much because I couldn't get her to cooperate with anything. She wanted to sleep all day, stay up all night and worked very little.. I wanted her to start school this fall... she put it off till second semester... I was tired of trying to organize her life. She depended upon me for everything.
About two weeks or so ago.. she decided she didn't like being told she couldn't stay out all night with friends. I was mean and strict and she was 18 I told her I didn't care if she was 28... until she was responsible she doesn't make rules. She decided not to come home one night and stayed with a friend.. she never called, nothing... she called later the next day and told me she needed space. I told her she can have all the space she needs, she could move out... #1, I have two others looking at the example. If I allowed her to run in and out .....taking space of several days for freedom and then waltz back in for food and comfort of home... NOT happening!
She came and got her clothes... it nearly killed me... I cried for two days straight. Then I just started praying that God would have his way... and everything that I had ever taught her would stick with her.
I had several parents who have already raised kids telling me to stick it out...be tough.. I think everyone called it "tough love". Well, the one seeming to hurt was me...
She is here with me tonight because of the holiday, we had a family get together... but there has been a very big change in her.
In the last several weeks I have seen (or heard) things that have made me very proud. She has grown up a lot in just that short time... she has walked several miles to her job, walked to church or made sure she had rides to church... She has not missed one service and I am seeing big improvements in several areas of her life. The person she chose to move in with is Apostolic...and even though I have to admit it isn't the life I would have chosen for her, she is fighting for her independence... I understand that I moved out at 19 determined that I was going to prove I could do it on my own.... and I did... I never moved back home. I hope that she does move back and go to school... she needs to go to college.. but I can't make her.. and I know that she is trying to grow up...
Friday night, she came by to see me...she was going to the church to pray... I went to the church to pray as well. She talked to me for a long time and told me how she came to the realization that she really did serve God for herself... it wasn't because of me. She asked me for help in studying the bible and her desire to learn more about God. She told me how she was witnessing to people.
She showed up today at church with a young single mother and her son who she is witnessing to at work. She just had someone give her a Jimmy... so soon she will have her own wheels...
I have been so afraid to trust her.. but so far, she has really surprised me...
It is not what I want...but I am just hanging in there..
Beautiful story, Lisa. You are blessed with three lovely girls, and I'm sure it's on the inside as much as the outside. God will take care of them.
I feel I should NEVER make my son leave our home, but it's getting close.
Dear Bro Tim,
I see in your kind eyes that you will do the right thing.
My advise is allow all children to stay home until marriage, but it is imperative that each one shoulder their share of the load. This takes a proportionate amount of financial and physical load off their parents, and makes life more pleasant for all concerned. Students should have a part time job to help supply their own needs. Out of school children should pay a little rent and help with chores. Mom and dad should not be cleaning their rooms and such.
I raised five girls and one son, made some mistakes early, but tried to learn from my mistakes on earlier ones.
I see five steps of transition from dependent child and full parenthood.
1) Finishing school and supporting self.
2) Moving out and paying for own room and board.
3) Service to God or country.
5) Marriage and molding self to be compatible with a mate.
6) Children.
Each of these steps is packed with stress and growing pains, therefore, each step is best taken one at a time. Sometimes they overlap unavoidably. If any child approaching adulthood will take these steps one at a time, deliberately and with purpose, it will greatly enhance their chances of a happy and successful family life, without causing undue damage to their parents.
. I'm sure that you are a much better parent than you give yourself credit for.
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