HELP! What does it mean to turn the other cheek???

[Esther]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

In my opinion, it means we don't retaliate or react in kind. And that should be a constant. We can remove ourselves from hurtful situations without hurting the other person in return.

Don't return evil for evil; overcome evil with good.

That is not to say that speaking up is being evil. Speaking up and saying, "That hurts me; don't do that"....there's nothing evil in that statement. And in many cases, I think God would require us to take a visible stand against evil, especially when others are victims.

I would add, though...that a person can *take* whatever they want to take. That's their choice. I think that as long as they don't allow others to be hurt, then they're welcome to martyr themselves, if they truly believe there will be a positive outcome.

I agree MB and I think this is what the scriptures talks about being set apart. This is not always easy to do.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by Jeanie

That is what is happening.

No one wants to be around that person from what I understand.

I personally do not have any problems with this person and actually like them-

They just have a poor way of resolving issues--but you know you are probably right this person isnt going to change so why let them make you sick.

Personally I think the sickness is a symptom built around the wrong root..

but if you want let's take this to PM...

[Margies3]

Jeannie, I don't know if this applies to your situation or not, but when my sister was married to her first husband, he was very abusive.

We all said things to Sally and encouraged her to leave or to at least stand up for herself. She just 'couldn't do it'.

Eventually, we decided that rather than risk losing our relationship with her, we stopped saying anything either way to Sal. We just let her talk. Then we'd kindly remind her that we'd already given her all the advice we knew to give. The rest was up to her.

And we kept on loving her.

Within not too long, Sally suddenly woke up. She walked away from the marriage and the abuser, divorced him and went on with her life.

If we had continued to be her sounding board and offered her sympathy over and over, I am pretty convinced that she might still be in that marriage. She needed to hear our advice. Then she needed to make the decision on her own.

Your family member has heard your advice. Now she needs to make the choices on her own. You've done what you can do

[Neck]

Originally Posted by Jeanie

For the last few days (except when I was in Tenn) I have been working a family member over about something.

She informed me this morning she did not agree with me.

The issue is this, she has a family member that treats her badly and I have been telling her she needs to let that person know that they are hurting you.(this person is suppose to be a Christian too)

Well I have been getting some religious remarks for her, like she feels that God is working on her, and she need to be pleasing to God and she has to get on her knees about it.

I am wondering is this way that we handle conflict? We let other people walk on us, say all manor of meanness and we are just suppose to be quite???

I am talking about from other Church folks......ok so when do we "turn the other cheek and when do we not???"

As my dad told me once years ago. You may see me turn the other cheek and then hear the hammer of my gun go click....

[Elizabeth]

Originally Posted by Margies3

Jeannie, I don't know if this applies to your situation or not, but when my sister was married to her first husband, he was very abusive.

We all said things to Sally and encouraged her to leave or to at least stand up for herself. She just 'couldn't do it'.

Eventually, we decided that rather than risk losing our relationship with her, we stopped saying anything either way to Sal. We just let her talk. Then we'd kindly remind her that we'd already given her all the advice we knew to give. The rest was up to her.

And we kept on loving her.

Within not too long, Sally suddenly woke up. She walked away from the marriage and the abuser, divorced him and went on with her life.

If we had continued to be her sounding board and offered her sympathy over and over, I am pretty convinced that she might still be in that marriage. She needed to hear our advice. Then she needed to make the decision on her own.

Your family member has heard your advice. Now she needs to make the choices on her own. You've done what you can do

This is wisdom margie, I needed to hear this.

Sometimes you just see what is happening, and think "dont they see what that person is doing to them?"

I also have noticed that people dont always "hear" you-they think you are saying something you are not.

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by Jeanie

This is wisdom margie, I needed to hear this.

Sometimes you just see what is happening, and think "dont they see what that person is doing to them?"

I also have noticed that people dont always "hear" you-they think you are saying something you are not.

So true!

They're not hearing because:

• they ascribe motive to what is said
  
  
• because they have an attitude
  
  
• or because they're just so focused on getting their own point across
  
  
• or they don't want to have to deal with and/or acknowledge the "reality" of what you are actually saying.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by Felicity

So true!

They're not hearing because:

• they ascribe motive to what is said
  
  
• because they have an attitude
  
  
• or because they're just so focused on getting their own point across
  
  
• or they don't want to have to deal with and/or acknowledge the "reality" of what you are actually saying.

Good Stuff.. Sis... Really Good..

[Felicity]

No time to read this thread but I did read the initial post so very very quickly here........

Turning the other cheek is making a choice to not respond or retaliate to bad behavior or offence of the other person. You "let it go".

Actually this puts the person "turning the cheek" in control. The other person is doing wrong. You refuse to get on their level.

It's good sometimes to let things go as long as you're doing it for the right reason and realize why you're choosing to ignore bad behavior on someone else's part even if it's to your detriment..

Some of us have put up with bad behavior on the part of others for a long time but because we have "understanding" & realize that the other person doesn't always know what they're doing or why they're doing it we give them a pass. They have problems and issues, possibly because of being hurt themselves or because they're immature and don't really realize what they're doing. So we choose to just "let it go".

While there's teaching by Christ Himself to turn the cheek, there's also teaching on how to act toward others. In other words, the individual with the bad behavior will have to be responsible for their own action. We can't control how others act, but we can choose how WE will act.

There IS a time perhaps when it is important and necessary to speak up. But it probably won't change the other person's behavior.

Making the choice to "let it go" and doing it for the right reasons is a sign of a mature and secure individual. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength.

My 2 cents .... in a rush.

**out of breath**

[dizzyde]

Originally Posted by Margies3

Jeannie, I don't know if this applies to your situation or not, but when my sister was married to her first husband, he was very abusive.

We all said things to Sally and encouraged her to leave or to at least stand up for herself. She just 'couldn't do it'.

Eventually, we decided that rather than risk losing our relationship with her, we stopped saying anything either way to Sal. We just let her talk. Then we'd kindly remind her that we'd already given her all the advice we knew to give. The rest was up to her.

And we kept on loving her.

Within not too long, Sally suddenly woke up. She walked away from the marriage and the abuser, divorced him and went on with her life.

If we had continued to be her sounding board and offered her sympathy over and over, I am pretty convinced that she might still be in that marriage. She needed to hear our advice. Then she needed to make the decision on her own.

Your family member has heard your advice. Now she needs to make the choices on her own. You've done what you can do

This is excellent advice. With my daughter, now that she is at the age where she is dating, I have generally found that in instances where she has been in a relationship that I see problems with, I will tell her in a non-judgemental way, what the issues that I see as problems are, and then keep my mouth shut (oh, how hard it is) and wait.

It usually hasn't been very long before she begins to see on her own the issue that I brought up and more. Before I figured this out, I had a fit about one of her boyfriends (I am not talking about "unsaved" boys, just boys in church with what I could see were serious character flaws) and she just dug her heels in hard on that one. She finally decided on her own, after I had shut up about it, that he wasn't right for her.

It is terrifying to have her at this age! (BTW, I make it sound like she has had so many boyfriends, she actually has only dated a few seriously, lol!)

[OneAccord]

Alright... you women gotta stop all this preachin' here.

No, seriously... a situation has come up very much like this recently. Things needed to be said, things were said... and well, time, they say, heals all wounds. I've read some excellent advice from you ladies (and some of the men did pretty good too). I wouldn't say what I've read here was preachin'... but it sure ministered to me.