Quote:
Originally Posted by CC1
Originalist,
I am praying for you. I know that when we are going through bad times there seems to be no words to make things better. While me may not be delivered quickly out of our situation God will make a way for us.
I can't pretend to know all of your circumstances and could be way off the mark but if you have earnestly tried to provide for your family and develop your ministry for an extended period of time where you are at I would think one of two things is happening.
One there may be lessons God is trying to teach you that you are not getting so are doomed to repeat the same mistakes and experience the same trials and failures ( I have certainly been there and done that).
Second, it may be as simple as being that God's will for you is not to be geographically where you are at and you have indicated you are willing to move.
In any case you will be in my prayers and I urge you to walk by faith until you get through this trial.
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I so fear the emboldened is true. But what could it be? I'm at a loss. That does not seem fair to my family. If I'm that dense can't God make it a little clearer for dull knives like me? I don't want to be out of his will. But the bottom line is, as was the case two years ago at this time, I must find a way quick to earn money from home in my spare time or go find another part time job just so my family can have a meager Christmas. We are not seeking riches, we just want a little normalcy,to be able to live with the bare basics.
Two years ago that is what we faced. I was working 40 hrs, seven days a week just to make about 1800 a month. I was told after awhile my schedule could change where I would not have to miss so much church. But my pastor turned on me. It's that simple. Instead of being an elder and mentor he looked down his nose at me, NOT for seeking financial help from the church (which I never sought) but for simply doing what any normal able bodied man would do for his family. I wasn't showing up to the building as much as he thought I should have so therefore I must be in rebellion against God. Nothing was taken into consideration like the fact that I had served God faithfully since 1980 and that this was the first time EVER where I ever had to miss some church because of work. All that was considered was the fact that I had a piece of paper with a title on it and that therefore obligates me never to have any such trials.
What he and others did not understand is that not only was I having to cut back on ministry which I normally would have been able to perform, I was also missing out on family life. Time and money would not allow us to go anywhere or do anything. We had one car so my wife was basically marooned except for the one service we could go to on Sunday. During that 5 month period i literally only had TWO days off. What did he think I LIKED being in such a position? I'm not bitter but that experince has left a scar of mistrust for my elders. Not resentment, but mistrust.
So here we are again. I'm back in the same boat. For a time I had a position as a social worker. But as I have explained in previous posts that position did not work out.
Day to day I try to live for God. I worship. I stay in the word. I try to bear fruit. I try to treat people in a christlike manner. I'm not in rebellion that I'm aware of. So what is this lesson I'm not learning that puts my family in such a position of suffering? Why did I have to basically ignore both my wife and daughter's birthdays last week because we could not afford to celebrate? Why am I having to ration gas and skip church on wedenesday night just to make sure I have enough to last me until the end of the week to get to work every day? I'm not in a pitty party. I realize there are many people in the world suffering much worse. I'm really not "suffering", rather I'm chronically inconvienced.
But either way I'm done with titles. I don't want a position at a church for now. The expectations attached are too much of a weight. All I want to do is provide for my family.
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