One of the Biggest Mistakes

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by steve p

To paragraph or not to paragraph.

THAT is the question!

Could you repeat the question please?

[ILG]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I will say this too - - there are some here that would love to talk about what they've gone through, but fear the repercussions because they still attend an UPC church.

I have talked with them. Just to read sometimes that others go through these things help them realize it wasn't "THEM" that was the problem as so many end up feeling.

I would love to talk about what I've been through too. This thread is a tiny blip on the screen. But, I'm usually too afraid to talk because I've already got threatening posts.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Ferd

No. she still said the UPCI as a whole, as opposed to the churches she was exposed to.

Sorry if I offended you Ferd. This has been my experience. I have never understood why speaking about some of these things gets such a negative response. Why can't some people admit any fault with the church? To me that is as big or a bigger fault than anything else. I did not mean to offend you, really I didn't. I started this thread because if some people who are feeling this imbalance in their lives right now....perhaps can be spared some grief that I wasn't spared. My intentions are pure.

[Cindy]

To ILG and others that have suffered pain from any pastor or organization. I am so sorry you were hurt at a place that should be a sanctuary, or a place free from pain. I did not intend to just shrug off your feelings. I re-read your original post and saw it differently than I did the first time.
I am glad you have found a church that you are happier in.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover

I started reading with the intent to defend the UPC against an attack from an ex-er...

However I feel very much the same way, so there is little to say aside from "AMEN!".

I would of course say "in general" since there are many who do not fit (if it doesn't fit you must acquit)

Thanks, Steve. Felling this way is what made me begin to study the Amish/Mennonites as there is much more emphasis on family.

I am very amazed at the way this thread has gone. My basic intent is to help people learn from my mistakes and yes, to heal from my own. Seems valid to me to suggest that families are a good thing and too much church can be bad.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by cneasttx

To ILG and others that have suffered pain from any pastor or organization. I am so sorry you were hurt at a place that should be a sanctuary, or a place free from pain. I did not intend to just shrug off your feelings. I re-read your original post and saw it differently than I did the first time.
I am glad you have found a church that you are happier in.

Thanks cneattx. I don't talk too much about the extent of things in my life. This that I wrote today I felt was a pretty safe topic. It just seems like a no brainer to me now....there are many, many UPC churches that emphasize church ahead of family. I know from being in it for 19 years. As for feeling happier in the church I am in....I don't know what I feel. If you want to know what's really inside of me, what I rarely say.....I have been so traumatized by my experiences in the church that I am not involved in church at all except for attending on Sunday mornings. I had a nightmare the other night....that my husband said he wanted to get back into the UPC and pastor. It was truly a nightmare. This is not a joke. I woke up and told my husband about it and he said "That was a nightmare!!" I was full of fear in the dream.

So, this issue just seemed like a safe, little no-brainer discussion issue. If I can't discuss this tiny thing safely without being criticized by UPC people, you can imagine that I will probably never talk about the things that are really bothering me.

[MissBrattified]

I understand the point of the thread, but I believe church time IS or, at least, should be, Family Time. We go to church as a family to work together, pray together, play together, sing together, worship together and learn together.

That said, I'm a PK, and I know what it means for parents to put the church business before their families. I remember my mother telling my Dad one time that she needed to make an appointment with him. LOL!!! It was her way of saying he needed to slow down and make time for her (and me).

Balance is important, but I don't agree that church is something that is done instead of family time. It can be both. For that matter, when we get the kids outside and rake the yard--that's "family time." Family time doesn't only mean recreational time.

[bkstokes]

I don't consider this a bashing thread. It seems that the mentality that one has to be there ever time the doors open or he/she is half-backslide leads people to believe that he/she is earning part of his/her salvation.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by ILG

Thanks cneattx. I don't talk too much about the extent of things in my life. This that I wrote today I felt was a pretty safe topic. It just seems like a no brainer to me now....there are many, many UPC churches that emphasize church ahead of family. I know from being in it for 19 years. As for feeling happier in the church I am in....I don't know what I feel. If you want to know what's really inside of me, what I rarely say.....I have been so traumatized by my experiences in the church that I am not involved in church at all except for attending on Sunday mornings. I had a nightmare the other night....that my husband said he wanted to get back into the UPC and pastor. It was truly a nightmare. This is not a joke. I woke up and told my husband about it and he said "That was a nightmare!!" I was full of fear in the dream.

So, this issue just seemed like a safe, little no-brainer discussion issue. If I can't discuss this tiny thing safely without being criticized by UPC people, you can imagine that I will probably never talk about the things that are really bothering me.

I do hope you can find someone, or someplace where you can talk about the things that are bothering you. Like I told MP I did not mean to offend you, as I never experienced anything like that in the UPC churches I have attended. I will be praying for you. And praying for more understanding myself.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by ILG

If I can't discuss this tiny thing safely without being criticized by UPC people, you can imagine that I will probably never talk about the things that are really bothering me.

ILG,
You know this Forum is very open about expressing anything we want to express and I'm glad you have a place to do that.

I must point out that your opening thread title and sentence were already in the negative. That's not even good practice going into an argument with your spouse. LOL!

The first thought coming out of the gate seemed to be, pretty much, "Heads up! This is what is wrong with you." That might not go over too well if we are going to have continuing conversations about the UPCI. Just saying.....

I've already expressed to you my feelings - I stay if God says to stay. Therefore, I know that I learn and grow staying in His will. I could talk about a whole lot of things, but something in my heart feels like I'm telling God - "You don't really know what's best for me." I can't do that and that's just they way I handle it. I'm where ever He wants me to be. I have good stories and I have bad stories. His Word has spoken to me in all seasons and I am blessed. Just sharing........