Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*;927857
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For Baptists: don’t be surprised if the cracker, due to its small size, gets lost in your mouth after one slight chew. Unswallowed, it may be lost between your teeth for the rest of the day. [B
While this might seem sinful, it is acceptable for all but Catholics who believe that Christ himself is stuck in your mouth[/B].
A friend of mine, a Roman Catholic who has been baptized in the Spirit and prays in tongues, told about a fear that came with their communion when he was a boy in school. Since they believe the "bread" or "host" actually becomes the body of Christ, they had to be very careful they did not bite it or it might bleed.
21. Short-term Missions: Short-term missions are a part of the Christian’s life. Please note that if you go on a short-term mission, there is a universal pattern of experience. 1) Fear: Going to another country is frightening. 2) Excitement: The Lord has personally arranged for this trip and has someone for you to meet. 3) Shock: this is the initial disturbance that Americans have to the poverty and needs of the visited area. 4) Attachment: this represents the love that you have for the people and places you have gone along with the desire to remain. 5) Mourning: this is the time when you have to leave. Expect a lot of wailing and crying. 6) Telling: this is where you fruitlessly try to explain everything that happened and every emotion you felt to everyone you meet. 7) Judging: This is where you look down upon everyone for being so materialistic and not being passionate about the needs of the poor. 8) Adjustment: this happens two weeks after the mission trip and represents the return of self-pity because your neighbor just got a new car and yours has nearly 50,000 miles on it.
22. “Lord, we just pray that…” This phrase should be uttered at least twenty different times throughout a public prayer. It is to show the simplicity of your requests and the humble mood in which they are asked by supplying the key word “just.” Variances such as “We just ask…,” “Lord, we just…,” “Lord we just come before you” or just “just” are also acceptable. As long as it has the word “just” in it, you should be good.
23. “Lord,” “Lord God,” “God,” and “Father God” references in prayer: This is related to the previous, but an important addition to your understanding of public prayer. While praying, Christians will continually repeat God’s name so as to remind you and themselves to whom they are praying. Therefore, do not be surprised to hear “Lord,” “Lord God,” ”Father,” or its popular variation, “Father God” at the beginning of every sentence. It sometimes will even occur multiple times in the same sentence such as the following: “Lord God, we just pray that you will be with us God during our trip God.” Pretty much, the more you say a variation of God’s name, the more spiritual you are.
24. “Hedge of protection”: This is the way to pray for the protection of a loved one. Its the primary Christian defense against demonic forces. No one really knows what a “hedge of protection” is, but everyone knows that Satan does not fair well when its presence is evoked.
25. “Pot Lucks”: Although this may be confusing considering #10, this is the one time in which Christians believe in “luck.” These are Sunday night “fellowship” dinners where everyone brings their favorite dish. Various movements within contemporary Christian history have attempted to change the name of this to “Pot blessed” with no luck. Not only has the designation “luck” been challenged, but many objections have been raised to the use of the word “pot” due to the muchies that are involved.
26. Prayer walks: These serve a double purpose. 1) They help to work off the “pot luck” and 2) they keep Christians awake during prayer. They also have been known to have a geographically positioned spiritual effect upon the tracked area.
27. “Post-Sermon Prayer”: This comes at the end of a sermon or lesson. While this is normally referred to as simply a prayer, it has a life of its own, serving primarily as an extended summary of the sermon you just heard, sometimes with additional points or applications the preacher didn’t think of during preparation.
28. “Worship”: Singing
29. “Amen”: The way to give a sense of approval to the pastor concerning his teaching. It is another way of saying, “I already agree with what you are preaching, therefore it is approved. Preach on.” Preachers who do not receive “amens” during their sermon begin to question their calling, so use them liberally.
30. “Anti-Christ”: Obama
31. “Fall Festival”: Halloween
32. Vacation Bible School: Free summertime babysitting for parents.
33. Fish symbols on the back of your car: Hard core evangelism.
34. Glen Beck: The only Mormon who is getting a special dispensation to go to heaven.
35. “If it be God’s Will”: A spiritual sounding addition to prayer. It indicates that you don’t really think God is going to answer your prayer. Use this phrase a lot, it’ll save you a lot of disappointment.
36. Rebaptism: “This time I really mean it.”
37. Beer. Depending on where you live, beer is either representative of your freedom in Christ and solidarity with Martin Luther or your identification of your reservation in hell. So be careful.
38. Home Schooling. Publicly: Better education. Privately: The Christian fathers’ attempt to instill an anti-social behavior within their daughters in hopes that they will never meet anyone of the male species.
Your turn. Help out the beginner to Christianity.
I have tears. I want to point out the best but there are so many.
"There are no losers in soul-winning...except the lost.
And the one about Rush Limbaugh
A friend of mine, a Roman Catholic who has been baptized in the Spirit and prays in tongues, told about a fear that came with their communion when he was a boy in school. Since they believe the "bread" or "host" actually becomes the body of Christ, they had to be very careful they did not bite it or it might bleed.
Those silly Catholics.
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Hebrews 13:23 Know ye that our brother Timothy is set at liberty
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