Grades

[ILG]

One of my kids is real lax about grades. The other one is not that way at all....gets A's almost all the time. The other one though has always been very lax. I have tried punishing, shaming, cajoling, rewarding....nothing seems to work. I have come to the place of acceptance, I think, figuring maybe this is just how this one is. Every week I go on-line and print off the grades and assignments missing but I don't say too much more about it. This is a thorn in my flesh. I feel kind of like a failure like maybe I could or should be doing something differently. Anyway....does anyone have any suggestions? I just want to get this one through high school and then probably tech school (I am hoping!). I guess my and my husband's biggest fears are that we both have a brother who is severly unmotivated. That doesn't help!!

[aak1972]

Originally Posted by ILG

One of my kids is real lax about grades. The other one is not that way at all....gets A's almost all the time. The other one though has always been very lax. I have tried punishing, shaming, cajoling, rewarding....nothing seems to work. I have come to the place of acceptance, I think, figuring maybe this is just how this one is. Every week I go on-line and print off the grades and assignments missing but I don't say too much more about it. This is a thorn in my flesh. I feel kind of like a failure like maybe I could or should be doing something differently. Anyway....does anyone have any suggestions? I just want to get this one through high school and then probably tech school (I am hoping!). I guess my and my husband's biggest fears are that we both have a brother who is severly unmotivated. That doesn't help!!

Well it depends on the age of this child. If they are still in elementry have them tested for dyslexia. In some cases they hide the fact they are having trouble reading by acting as if grades are not important.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by aak1972

Well it depends on the age of this child. If they are still in elementry have them tested for dyslexia. In some cases they hide the fact they are having trouble reading by acting as if grades are not important.

No, this one is in high school and is very, very smart and can read like nobody's business. There is a lack of motivation. This one has always had problems with allergies and I think maybe it drags him down. I know I have that problem personally. I wasn't real motivated in high school myself. But I want better things for my kids.

[aak1972]

Originally Posted by ILG

No, this one is in high school and is very, very smart and can read like nobody's business. There is a lack of motivation. This one has always had problems with allergies and I think maybe it drags him down. I know I have that problem personally. I wasn't real motivated in high school myself. But I want better things for my kids.

Well its more than likely boredom. And they have figured out what they wanna do with thier lives and do not believe grades will ever have an affect on that. The problem is finding a way to motivate them. Good luck! And remember the old saying " If you wanna know something just ask your teenagers while they still know everything".

[ILG]

Originally Posted by aak1972

Well its more than likely boredom. And they have figured out what they wanna do with thier lives and do not believe grades will ever have an affect on that. The problem is finding a way to motivate them. Good luck! And remember the old saying " If you wanna know something just ask your teenagers while they still know everything".

He is definately bored. His whole life he has lived by a set of rules I don't really understand. He has been quite slow in picking up social skills. I have to say that this year he has been doing a litte better in social skills and in attendance. Other than these things, we have no problem with him at all. He is a great kid and rarely gets into any trouble. His teachers all like him. They just wish he would do his work.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by ILG

One of my kids is real lax about grades. The other one is not that way at all....gets A's almost all the time. The other one though has always been very lax. I have tried punishing, shaming, cajoling, rewarding....nothing seems to work. I have come to the place of acceptance, I think, figuring maybe this is just how this one is. Every week I go on-line and print off the grades and assignments missing but I don't say too much more about it. This is a thorn in my flesh. I feel kind of like a failure like maybe I could or should be doing something differently. Anyway....does anyone have any suggestions? I just want to get this one through high school and then probably tech school (I am hoping!). I guess my and my husband's biggest fears are that we both have a brother who is severly unmotivated. That doesn't help!!

Originally Posted by ILG

No, this one is in high school and is very, very smart and can read like nobody's business. There is a lack of motivation. This one has always had problems with allergies and I think maybe it drags him down. I know I have that problem personally. I wasn't real motivated in high school myself. But I want better things for my kids.

I understand what you mean ILG… I wish I knew what would help... I am sorry; I don’t have any advice… I have one like your son who lacks motivation.

I can’t seem to get through to my daughter that it is so important to get an education today. She loves to respond to my speeches with “I don’t take much to live; I could live in a cardboard box”. She seems content to just loaf through life… as much as I love her, she is her father’s daughter…has many wonderful qualities (just like he did) but totally lacks motivation in life. She skipped through classes until they would drop her out of class. I did all I could do for her, finally when I saw she wouldn’t graduate, I hauled her to a GED office, paid for the test and took her to the testing… waiting until she was done. She had a panic attack in the Math section… it was her lowest score…but by the time she was finished her scores were just a few points away from honors… I was told there was no reason she should have ever struggled in school. She is intelligent…. no doubt. She has great talent in writing…(has a daily blog online that gets thousands of hits a day) She reads all the time. I paid for driver’s ed…she will soon be 19 and still hasn’t gone to the license branch to get her license… a little fearful of driving and content for everyone to take her everywhere she needs to go… I gave up… I just don’t understand her. I used to feel like a failure as a parent, now I just realize you do all you can do for your kids… she has to be responsible for her own life at some point.

On the other hand, good news is… I have one in High School who has 4 A’s and 3 B’s and frets over the B’s trying to improve… she might have already… we will see with new report card. She is involved in sports, competes in vocal/choir program… is extremely industrious and is a big help at home. She does all this overcoming dyslexia. Texting has greatly improved her spelling ability. She has a scholarship and headed to college. I just couldn’t have asked for a better kid.

My middle daughter has done really well. She was healed from epilepsy, but struggled with a learning disability since that time…but in High School; she started utilizing resources offered to her and is doing great. She has A’s, B’s and C’s… but works hard to keep those grades. She is taking French and loves it so much she wants to be an interpreter for a living someday. I admire her tenacity to work through her issues and determination to go to college with a 21st century scholarship she was given.

If anything, my three kids have taught me so much about the differences in personalities and people… same parent, same life circumstances….so different in every other way. Of all my girls, I have poured more personal time into my oldest… I often felt like I was trying to direct her life… spending so much time trying to help her… She is passionate about God for which I am thankful….but oh, so totally not motivated in life.

Good luck with your unmotivated one… I wish I had the answers… at least you have a husband there to help guide him.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by ForeverBlessed

I understand what you mean ILG… I wish I knew what would help... I am sorry; I don’t have any advice… I have one like your son who lacks motivation.

I can’t seem to get through to my daughter that it is so important to get an education today. She loves to respond to my speeches with “I don’t take much to live; I could live in a cardboard box”. She seems content to just loaf through life… as much as I love her, she is her father’s daughter…has many wonderful qualities (just like he did) but totally lacks motivation in life. She skipped through classes until they would drop her out of class. I did all I could do for her, finally when I saw she wouldn’t graduate, I hauled her to a GED office, paid for the test and took her to the testing… waiting until she was done. She had a panic attack in the Math section… it was her lowest score…but by the time she was finished her scores were just a few points away from honors… I was told there was no reason she should have ever struggled in school. She is intelligent…. no doubt. She has great talent in writing…(has a daily blog online that gets thousands of hits a day) She reads all the time. I paid for driver’s ed…she will soon be 19 and still hasn’t gone to the license branch to get her license… a little fearful of driving and content for everyone to take her everywhere she needs to go… I gave up… I just don’t understand her. I used to feel like a failure as a parent, now I just realize you do all you can do for your kids… she has to be responsible for her own life at some point.

On the other hand, good news is… I have one in High School who has 4 A’s and 3 B’s and frets over the B’s trying to improve… she might have already… we will see with new report card. She is involved in sports, competes in vocal/choir program… is extremely industrious and is a big help at home. She does all this overcoming dyslexia. Texting has greatly improved her spelling ability. She has a scholarship and headed to college. I just couldn’t have asked for a better kid.

My middle daughter has done really well. She was healed from epilepsy, but struggled with a learning disability since that time…but in High School; she started utilizing resources offered to her and is doing great. She has A’s, B’s and C’s… but works hard to keep those grades. She is taking French and loves it so much she wants to be an interpreter for a living someday. I admire her tenacity to work through her issues and determination to go to college with a 21st century scholarship she was given.

If anything, my three kids have taught me so much about the differences in personalities and people… same parent, same life circumstances….so different in every other way. Of all my girls, I have poured more personal time into my oldest… I often felt like I was trying to direct her life… spending so much time trying to help her… She is passionate about God for which I am thankful….but oh, so totally not motivated in life.

Good luck with your unmotivated one… I wish I had the answers… at least you have a husband there to help guide him.

Thanks for sharing, FB. Actually, my other one is content to be hauled around....still doesn't have a driver's license....so has been unmotivated in that area. But pretty good in the others. The one with the poor grades has a driver's test soon, so hopefully we'll get that one under the belt! Neither one of my kids are social.

It is hard when you don't know what to do. In recent months I have finally been realizing that they get to a certain age and they make their own choices. Yes, they still live under our roof....which means certain things.....but sometimes which things matter are hard to figure out. I believe grades matter. I've given up on the college idea for the one....technical school is about all that can be hoped for for a start at this point. I am just hoping that this one does get motivated at some point! His guidance counselor has been working with him a little bit. I just hope he takes the opportunity and doesn't squander it.

Sometimes when I look around it seems like everyone else's kids are perfect. Sigh. I know that's not true. I have to keep things in perspective and remember that we all reinvent ourselves many times over.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by ILG

Thanks for sharing, FB. Actually, my other one is content to be hauled around....still doesn't have a driver's license....so has been unmotivated in that area. But pretty good in the others. The one with the poor grades has a driver's test soon, so hopefully we'll get that one under the belt! Neither one of my kids are social.

It is hard when you don't know what to do. In recent months I have finally been realizing that they get to a certain age and they make their own choices. Yes, they still live under our roof....which means certain things.....but sometimes which things matter are hard to figure out. I believe grades matter. I've given up on the college idea for the one....technical school is about all that can be hoped for for a start at this point. I am just hoping that this one does get motivated at some point! His guidance counselor has been working with him a little bit. I just hope he takes the opportunity and doesn't squander it.

Sometimes when I look around it seems like everyone else's kids are perfect. Sigh. I know that's not true. I have to keep things in perspective and remember that we all reinvent ourselves many times over.

I used to beat myself up with this... it really bothered me. What I have come to realize is that we can not see beyond what others allow us to see from the outside....and if they don't struggle with kids, they do have their problems in life...because it will never be perfect. I had to quit comparing my kids to everyone else....just make sure that I am doing the best I can as a parent under the circumstances and let the rest go. If I didn't, I would stress myself out!!

Sounds like if you get him through Tech school it will be great... I know I've tried to get Elaine to go to school... even to the point of enrolling myself...she still has not followed me.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by ForeverBlessed

I used to beat myself up with this... it really bothered me. What I have come to realize is that we can not see beyond what others allow us to see from the outside....and if they don't struggle with kids, they do have their problems in life...because it will never be perfect. I had to quit comparing my kids to everyone else....just make sure that I am doing the best I can as a parent under the circumstances and let the rest go. If I didn't, I would stress myself out!!

Sounds like if you get him through Tech school it will be great... I know I've tried to get Elaine to go to school... even to the point of enrolling myself...she still has not followed me.

I have a brother who is 44 and lives with my parents. He has drifted his whole life from one place to the next, sometimes living in barns or whatever. He finally got a job here about a year ago...but it was temporary and is over. He tried to get disability and was denied. My husband's brother has always worked...more or less....but goes from job to job usually quitting or getting fired eventually. There are others in our extended families like this. I sometimes wonder if there is something genetically that causes this. It seems like a stretch on the one hand....but realisitic on the other. My husband and I have both noticed that boys in our family are harped on and made to feel like they can't do anything right. I hate to say that we were in that pattern for a while (maybe still are a bit) but we noticed this at a family reunion one time and talked about it quite a bit. We have really tried now to accept him as he is and realize that we all go at our own pace....without shame. This has been a huge challenge. However, we have seen improvement. But, I do want the improvement to be enough that we have expectations of him still. I have seen the men in my family be very, very harsh to the boys and the women coddle them. We are trying to find a happy medium and be united. It is a challenge, definately. And then, again, I try to remember that people can and do change, especially if they have a support system to do it in. While we were pastoring, we went through a horrible, horrible time and sadly, my kids were in the background more than they should have been. I will pray for your daughter(s). Please pray for my kids too and that we will have wisdom as parents!