Hazardous Pentecostal Testimony Services - Page 11

jrLA · #**101** 04-08-2008, 08:01 PM

Lady stood and tesitfied..."Pastor, I am so glad I've got soap in my hole!" Meaning, Hope in my Soul! lol

Pressing-On · #**102** 04-08-2008, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrLA

Lady stood and tesitfied..."Pastor, I am so glad I've got soap in my hole!" Meaning, Hope in my Soul! lol

Margies3 · #**103** 04-08-2008, 08:07 PM

Our pastor had a habit of asking people who visited the church to grace us with a testimony or a special number.

One night he says, "Sis Marcella, could you give us a song or a testimony tonight?"

She got up, walked to the piano and started pounding away, singing at the top of her lungs "God's gonna gitcha for that. God's gonna gitcha for that!"

This, by the way, is a true story.

Pressing-On · #**104** 04-08-2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3

Our pastor had a habit of asking people who visited the church to grace us with a testimony or a special number.

One night he says, "Sis Marcella, could you give us a song or a testimony tonight?"

She got up, walked to the piano and started pounding away, singing at the top of her lungs "God's gonna gitcha for that. God's gonna gitcha for that!"

This, by the way, is a true story.

tamor · #**105** 04-08-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrLA

Dear Sister loved to sing her testimonies, Got up one night, told the Pastor, she had a new song, she proceeded....
"I feel like hel.....
I feel like hel.....
I feel like hel..ping the Lord!"

tamor · #**106** 04-08-2008, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3

Our pastor had a habit of asking people who visited the church to grace us with a testimony or a special number.

One night he says, "Sis Marcella, could you give us a song or a testimony tonight?"

She got up, walked to the piano and started pounding away, singing at the top of her lungs "God's gonna gitcha for that. God's gonna gitcha for that!"

This, by the way, is a true story.

jrLA · #**107** 04-08-2008, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrLA

Dear Sister loved to sing her testimonies, Got up one night, told the Pastor, she had a new song, she proceeded....
"I feel like hel.....
I feel like hel.....
I feel like hel..ping the Lord!"

This still cracks me up....
To this day, when my wife and I are tired or not feeling well, we'll look at each other and sing... "I feel like hel....ping the Lord! lol

jaxfam6 · #**108** 04-08-2008, 11:11 PM

We had a rather large lady in our church who stood up one night and said "you know how in the world you used to stick you finger in an electric socket to get a thrill? Well now I just come to church and stick my hands in God to get my thrill." she proceeded to throw her hands in the air and shake still I thought something was going to come loose.

Had a man who had been an alcoholic and had fought his wife about church. They raised some rather distrubed kids. He finally in his later years comes to church gets baptized and God sees fit to fill him with the Holy Ghost. One night he stood up and said "I feel so good, I feel like a chocolate bar thats meltin' and the nuts rolling in the floor."

Had an older minister and his wife who used to visit with us at fellowship meetings. She stood one service and started testifying and out comes her falseteeth. She actually caught them in midair, popped them back in her mouth, and continued without missing a beat.

An older lady, very sweet, lovely lady, used to stand and just spin in place and bow, and bend over backwards at her seat during song service. No one else would move but she would be dancing her heart out. One night she lost her balance, fell and broke her arm. Her daughter-in-law takes her to the ER and the doctor is asking her how she did this, mind you she is like 80 yrs old, and she tells him "my precher was a singing and I was dancing".

jaxfam6 · #**109** 04-08-2008, 11:20 PM

We had a guy, supposed to be very intelligent, good singer, but just did not think before he opened his mouth.
The night before his wedding is a fellowship meeting. All these guests are there and he is MC of the service. He says he is going to have his beautiful (extremely exaggerated) wife to be stand and testify. He went on talking and then asked his best man's wife to stand and leave her testimony. Now those of us who knew him knew that the lady he asked to stand was not his soon to be wife but no one else did. So this lady stands up, who all these people are expecting to be his wife to be, and she is huge 8 months pregnant. We all fell out laughing.
He never caught what he had done till someone told him much later.

Same man
My sister is getting married, she has been engaged 6 times and never married any of them. Finally she is 29 yrs old and it is actually going to go through with it. The week of the wedding this man says, "this is going to be Sis Connie's last service with us. We are going to miss her very much, she fills a big space in the church." Now my sister was never huge but she was shapely, his comment was in regards to the fact that she played the organ, was the church secretary, etc.... well he gets all flustered at what he said and continues, "You know, that bench is really big over there and she fits on it, you know? not that she is big or anything but that bench is large." My sister and her husband to be are rolling. The church is dying. I don't think there was a dry eye in the place.

jaxfam6 · #**110** 04-08-2008, 11:25 PM

Another one

A man in our church gets up and tells the church that he will be able to pay for the church project just as soon as he gets his inheritance. My Dad says, "Don, I didn't know your dad passed away." He says, ' He didn't Bro Jacks, just pray that he does so I can get my inheritance and pay for this project."