You know you are a Pentecostal when.........

[Margies3]

Adapted from a piece Garrison Keillor wrote on Methodists.....

(Adapted from an essay by Garrison Keillor)

We make fun of Pentecostals for their enthusiasm, their excessive exuberance, their lack of fear of giving offense, their length of worship services and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them.

If you were to ask an audience in New York City , a relatively
Pentecostalless place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the
Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to
strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Pentecostals, they'd
smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Pentecostals are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony,
a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or
tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little
head against that person's rib cage. It's natural for Pentecostals to
sing in harmony. We are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing
in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the
A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally
fulfilling moment. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that
we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Pentecostals, who love to sing in
four-part harmony are the sort of people you could call up when you're
in deep distress. If you are dying, they will comfort you. If you are
lonely,they'll talk to you. And if you are hungry, they'll give you
tuna salad!

Pentecostals believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray
out loud without everyone else praying out loud along with them.

Pentecostals like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a
hymn with more than four stanzas.

Pentecostals believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital,even
if they don't notify them that they are there.

Pentecostals believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially
when passing the plate.

Pentecostals drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

Pentecostals feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their
own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

Pentecostals are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.

Pentecostals still serve Jell-O in the color of the
season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole adds too much
color, thereby making it "worldly".

Pentecostals believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and
never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know you are a Pentecostal when: It's 100 degrees,
with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service. You
hear something really funny during the sermon and AMEN as loudly as
you can. Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with
you,"and you respond, "and also with you."

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye! And then you adjourn from the church to the local restaurant for fellowship.

[rgcraig]

"Pentecostals believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and
never take themselves too seriously."

I use to think this, but seems around here lately a lot have been whiners and can't handle the poking fun.

[SDG]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

"Pentecostals believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and
never take themselves too seriously."

I use to think this, but seems around here lately a lot have been whiners and can't handle the poking fun.

All right ... its poke fun at Dan night .... give it your best shot ....

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

All right ... its poke fun at Dan night .... give it your best shot ....

Naw, you've come back chilled....don't wanna rile you up!

[RevDWW]

You know your a Pentecostal when.....

You're in a business meeting and someone makes a good poiint and you say AMEN!

[Scott Hutchinson]

You know you're a Pentecostal when your wife gives you a plate of food and one of her hairs is in your food.

[rgcraig]

I so related to the singing harmony......sitting on someone's lap learning alto.

I'm the only one at work that always sings harmony when we sing Happy Birthday to someone!

[Neck]

You know you are Pentecostal, when you actually use Apostolic methods outside the Church walls.

We talk all night on this forum about "Apostolic" and many break it down by who wears a skirt or has long hair etc.

When Paul was walking among folks and his shadow was healing them as he passed by.

When you reach your hand out and pray for someone on the job and God moves on you to start stammering lips and praying in tounges you might be Pentecostal.

It happened to me.....

Apostolic is "Not" all the other ancillary items we adorn as spirituality....

Apostolic is moving in the Spirit as of the Apostles, not looking in the mirror and seeing something that is adorned as Spiritual.

Nathan Eckstadt

[Margies3]

Originally Posted by Margies3

Adapted from a piece Garrison Keillor wrote on Methodists.....

(Adapted from an essay by Garrison Keillor)

We make fun of Pentecostals for their enthusiasm, their excessive exuberance, their lack of fear of giving offense, their length of worship services and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them.

If you were to ask an audience in New York City , a relatively
Pentecostalless place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the
Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to
strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Pentecostals, they'd
smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Pentecostals are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony,
a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or
tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little
head against that person's rib cage. It's natural for Pentecostals to
sing in harmony. We are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing
in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the
A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally
fulfilling moment. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that
we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Pentecostals, who love to sing in
four-part harmony are the sort of people you could call up when you're
in deep distress. If you are dying, they will comfort you. If you are
lonely,they'll talk to you. And if you are hungry, they'll give you
tuna salad!

Pentecostals believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray
out loud without everyone else praying out loud along with them.

Pentecostals like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a
hymn with more than four stanzas.

Pentecostals believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital,even
if they don't notify them that they are there.

Pentecostals believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially
when passing the plate.

Pentecostals drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

Pentecostals feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their
own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

Pentecostals are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.

Pentecostals still serve Jell-O in the color of the
season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole adds too much
color, thereby making it "worldly".

Pentecostals believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and
never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know you are a Pentecostal when: It's 100 degrees,
with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service. You
hear something really funny during the sermon and AMEN as loudly as
you can. Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with
you,"and you respond, "and also with you."

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye! And then you adjourn from the church to the local restaurant for fellowship.

You know you are Apostolic when....

Your song leader picks out the songs just as they arrive for the worship service. And it's ok to do that because the musicians all play by ear anyway.

You've made more than your share of peanut brittle

You know the words to songs like "I'm a One God Apostolic Tongue Talking Holy Roller Born Again Heaven Bound Believer in the Liberating Power of Jesus Name"

When you sing "A Meeting in the Air" you always substitute the word Apostolic - "the Apostolic Meeting in the Air"

Ok, gang. Let's lighten up a little and have some fun. Can you think of some others to add to this list?

Originally Posted by Scott Hutchinson

You know you're a Pentecostal when your wife gives you a plate of food and one of her hairs is in your food.

EEEWWWWWWW