This is really the hardest part of foster parenting. One of the children that we had was one of these cases.
I want to share part of the story.....
He was 13. He was mentally and physically disabled, according to the files we were given before we met him. I read the first couple of pages of his file, and knew instantly that I wanted this child. He'd been in and out of foster homes and mental institutions since he was 6 years old. No one wanted this child. the files said that one could handle him, and that he was incapable of showing love or being loved. That presented itself as a challenge to me. Then I continued to read the rest of the file to discover things that just horrified me. I won't get into all the details of that, but I'll just say that apparently his entire family was in need of mental help.
The social worker who was assigned to him asked that we go to Nashville to meet this boy. So we did. The first day we met him, I knew that we would take him. He was crippled, and needed braces on his legs (which no one had ever taken time to get done for him) That was just the beginning of his problems. The first thing he did was to come over to me and hug me. Then he turned to my husband, and punched him in the nose.
This child didn't know how to eat using a fork or spoon, he would eat by grabbing food with his hands and shoving it into his mouth. He could not hold a cup and drink without spilling it all over himself. He wouldn't speak-- he just grunted and made other sounds. He would point to things he wanted, or grab an adults hand and take them to what he wanted. He wore diapers-- because he was never toilet trained. He had grand mal seizures. He was an escape artist, and had gotten away from every home he'd been placed in-- which ended up in him being placed in a mental institution.
In spite of all these things, we took him. The social worker thought I was insane to take on such a "problem child" (their label, not mine) as my first experience as a foster parent. I felt strongly that we could help this child-- and we were willing to try it. So the state of Tennessee put me through COPE training to learn to properly handle any aggressive behavior that might come from this boy-- Trained me in CPR and basic first aid-- The state paid for special modifications to be placed on the windows of his bedroom-- and to install deadbolts on the main doors of the house to make it where he couldn't "escape". Two weeks later, they placed this child in my home.
The first couple of months, they provided home health care for 8 hours a day to allow him to have 24 hour supervision-- and basically to give my husband and I a break from the round the clock care they knew he would need.
Within a few months, we taught this child to eat using silverware. He learned to drink from a cup. He was placed on a toilet training schedule. He was placed into a special needs school public school system. We scheduled him for appointments with orthopedic specialists... and forced the state to help in getting him the braces he needed in order to walk without falling.
We took him to church. He LOVED to go to church. We would have to take him outside for a couple of breaks during the service if he got too restless during the preaching, but he loved the music and worship parts of the service.
One day at church-- he went out for one of the breaks, and he just collapsed. Unconscious. We called an ambulance, and people gathered around him and prayed that whatever was going on, that God would be in control. He was taken to LeBonheur... where they found fluid was built up on his brain. There was no previous catscan or MRI in his medical records, so there was no way of knowing how long the fluid had been building on his brain. They neurosurgeon said that the fluid was built up so much, that it was within a quarter inch of his optic nerve. They said it could have only been hours or days before he would have gone blind- depending on the rate of the fluid building up. I believe God let the blackout happen to prevent that from happening-- so that he could get the medical attention he'd so desperately needed.
Within 24 hours, he was taken into surgery to have a shunt placed to drain away the fluid. When he was being prepped for surgery, and they shaved his head... the surgeon just came to get me to come back into the room-- and he cried. What they found, was just beyond belief. This poor child had so many scars on his head where he had been beaten on the head-- that you could not put your finger in between two places without touching another scar.
As the fluid drained away, things began to change. He was able to say simple words... He began to make small sentences. His walking got better. The seizures stopped happening. He became teachable.
At that point, we knew that he needed more than we could do-- because this child needed a chance to be taught more than we could teach. More than the local facilities in our county had available... so asked the social worker about moving him to another place where he could get those services-- where there were occupational therapists, etc that would work with him daily--- and help him like he really needed to be helped. They did, and the difference in this young man's life is just amazing.
If we hadn't taken this child who no one else wanted-- I hate to think what would have happened to him. He would have likely died in the mental institution.
It's been 15 years since he was moved out of our home. Today he lives in an assisted living center, a group home type setting. He has never forgotten us... every time we get a chance to visit him, he runs to me with his arms outstretched for a hug... and he calls me "mom".
Tina- Wow. How beautiful.... Post this on one of Thad's threads about what holiness looks like.
This is really the hardest part of foster parenting. One of the children that we had was one of these cases.
I want to share part of the story.....
He was 13. He was mentally and physically disabled, according to the files we were given before we met him. I read the first couple of pages of his file, and knew instantly that I wanted this child. He'd been in and out of foster homes and mental institutions since he was 6 years old. No one wanted this child. the files said that one could handle him, and that he was incapable of showing love or being loved. That presented itself as a challenge to me. Then I continued to read the rest of the file to discover things that just horrified me. I won't get into all the details of that, but I'll just say that apparently his entire family was in need of mental help.
The social worker who was assigned to him asked that we go to Nashville to meet this boy. So we did. The first day we met him, I knew that we would take him. He was crippled, and needed braces on his legs (which no one had ever taken time to get done for him) That was just the beginning of his problems. The first thing he did was to come over to me and hug me. Then he turned to my husband, and punched him in the nose.
This child didn't know how to eat using a fork or spoon, he would eat by grabbing food with his hands and shoving it into his mouth. He could not hold a cup and drink without spilling it all over himself. He wouldn't speak-- he just grunted and made other sounds. He would point to things he wanted, or grab an adults hand and take them to what he wanted. He wore diapers-- because he was never toilet trained. He had grand mal seizures. He was an escape artist, and had gotten away from every home he'd been placed in-- which ended up in him being placed in a mental institution.
In spite of all these things, we took him. The social worker thought I was insane to take on such a "problem child" (their label, not mine) as my first experience as a foster parent. I felt strongly that we could help this child-- and we were willing to try it. So the state of Tennessee put me through COPE training to learn to properly handle any aggressive behavior that might come from this boy-- Trained me in CPR and basic first aid-- The state paid for special modifications to be placed on the windows of his bedroom-- and to install deadbolts on the main doors of the house to make it where he couldn't "escape". Two weeks later, they placed this child in my home.
The first couple of months, they provided home health care for 8 hours a day to allow him to have 24 hour supervision-- and basically to give my husband and I a break from the round the clock care they knew he would need.
Within a few months, we taught this child to eat using silverware. He learned to drink from a cup. He was placed on a toilet training schedule. He was placed into a special needs school public school system. We scheduled him for appointments with orthopedic specialists... and forced the state to help in getting him the braces he needed in order to walk without falling.
We took him to church. He LOVED to go to church. We would have to take him outside for a couple of breaks during the service if he got too restless during the preaching, but he loved the music and worship parts of the service.
One day at church-- he went out for one of the breaks, and he just collapsed. Unconscious. We called an ambulance, and people gathered around him and prayed that whatever was going on, that God would be in control. He was taken to LeBonheur... where they found fluid was built up on his brain. There was no previous catscan or MRI in his medical records, so there was no way of knowing how long the fluid had been building on his brain. They neurosurgeon said that the fluid was built up so much, that it was within a quarter inch of his optic nerve. They said it could have only been hours or days before he would have gone blind- depending on the rate of the fluid building up. I believe God let the blackout happen to prevent that from happening-- so that he could get the medical attention he'd so desperately needed.
Within 24 hours, he was taken into surgery to have a shunt placed to drain away the fluid. When he was being prepped for surgery, and they shaved his head... the surgeon just came to get me to come back into the room-- and he cried. What they found, was just beyond belief. This poor child had so many scars on his head where he had been beaten on the head-- that you could not put your finger in between two places without touching another scar.
As the fluid drained away, things began to change. He was able to say simple words... He began to make small sentences. His walking got better. The seizures stopped happening. He became teachable.
At that point, we knew that he needed more than we could do-- because this child needed a chance to be taught more than we could teach. More than the local facilities in our county had available... so asked the social worker about moving him to another place where he could get those services-- where there were occupational therapists, etc that would work with him daily--- and help him like he really needed to be helped. They did, and the difference in this young man's life is just amazing.
If we hadn't taken this child who no one else wanted-- I hate to think what would have happened to him. He would have likely died in the mental institution.
It's been 15 years since he was moved out of our home. Today he lives in an assisted living center, a group home type setting. He has never forgotten us... every time we get a chance to visit him, he runs to me with his arms outstretched for a hug... and he calls me "mom".
Tina you are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
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Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
Okay, those responses were nice, but I want to know how you've trained them. Did you teach them about God? Did the social workers object to how they were being taught, or that they were going to church with you? Did you dress the girls like you would dress? were the children wearing modest clothes? I appreciate the pat on the back and the atta boys, (I really do) but I was hoping for training advice. We've already went over the pros and cons to foster parenting, but their were some things that we weren't able to answer amongst ourselves because of the experience issue.
BTW, thank you all for the responses that you did share. God bless.
This is why it's important to take younger children as opposed to older ones.
You can dress them anyway you want, but if they complain, you can't make them. Younger kids won't complain most of the time.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
My mom was a foster parent of mentally retarded adults.
The last one she had would disappear from work and was seen talking to strange men in their cars. She was also found having sex behind the dumpster at work one day with one of the other workers.
When my mom complained to the social worker, she was told that 'Sarah' was of age and her own legal guardian, and if she wanted to have sex in the park and behind the work dumpster with strange men, that was her right.
So my mom packed up her things and told them to come and get her. She hasn't been a foster parent since.
Of course, this won't be what you have to face unless you get older, much older children.
Stick with the little ones.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
Our children's pastors (years ago) were foster parents before they had any kids of their own. They once had two sisters whose dad had murdered their mom in front of them. These girls were so beautiful and so sweet, but of course had major emotional things to deal with. They were 7 and 12. We had the privilege of baptizing the older one at the end of that year, before she left to go live with some extended family members. I know she will never forget the things that she learned while at our church.
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