This is all fine and dandy, Bro Epley, but you said yourself it took you years to get over what happened. One would think that, having gone through it yourself, you wouldn't seem to be so calloused towards others that have been hurt as well. Your approach is to tell people to just get over it, but just getting over it took you years to accomplish. Do as you say and not as you do, or did?
Yes it took years BECAUSE I would not allow it to heal. I kept picking the scab off and getting it infected. I am NOT being calloused I am only trying to give folks a shortcut. It does NOT take years to heal it does take some time to give it to Jesus but He is already there desiring to heal the wounded spirit.
We pastors and saints LEARN by experience everyone does not have to experience what I experienced they can learn from my mistakes.
No we can't give up on God ,or lose our faith ,but I hey I have given up on myself plenty of times.
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People who are always looking for fault,can find it easily all they have to do,is look into their mirror.
There they can find plenty of fault.
Yes it took years BECAUSE I would not allow it to heal. I kept picking the scab off and getting it infected. I am NOT being calloused I am only trying to give folks a shortcut. It does NOT take years to heal it does take some time to give it to Jesus but He is already there desiring to heal the wounded spirit.
We pastors and saints LEARN by experience everyone does not have to experience what I experienced they can learn from my mistakes.
excelent words.
__________________ If I do something stupid blame the Lortab!
Dan,
Spiritual misleading and abuse can also come from family and friends. All in all I have seen many of my good friends struggle over the years from these issues.
Yes it took years BECAUSE I would not allow it to heal. I kept picking the scab off and getting it infected. I am NOT being calloused I am only trying to give folks a shortcut. It does NOT take years to heal it does take some time to give it to Jesus but He is already there desiring to heal the wounded spirit.
We pastors and saints LEARN by experience everyone does not have to experience what I experienced they can learn from my mistakes.
I see. So you were so upset and angry that you probly wouldn't listen to anything anyone said to you about it until you were ready to let it go? Now you tell people to get over it because you are trying to offer them a shortcut. It seems to me that, while your advice may be good advice, that it's important to let people come to the same place you did, on their own, without being made to feel like there's something wrong with them for being angry and hurt over how they've been treated. I don't see how that is too much to ask, and I can just about promise you that's all anyone really wants; time to work through their anger, even if that means having to put up with their complaints.
I know that I suffered greatly for a season because I refused to let go of some bitterness. The really stupid part for me was that the most painful time was after it was all over and I sat there in my booth outside of Ninevah waiting for the fire to fall from heaven. If you don't get up and move on you end up like the jilted husband or wife always wondering what the other one is doing all the time and hoping some tragedy hits them.
I know that I suffered greatly for a season because I refused to let go of some bitterness. The really stupid part for me was that the most painful time was after it was all over and I sat there in my booth outside of Ninevah waiting for the fire to fall from heaven. If you don't get up and move on you end up like the jilted husband or wife always wondering what the other one is doing all the time and hoping some tragedy hits them.
This is true. Some folks love misery. And God does not happen to send fire from Heaven to destroy all who mistreat me. Sometimes God may bid them to to humble me or teach me lessons.
I think during every time in our lives, we have people who are SENT to annoy us. (Maybe annoy is not the best word here)....Those people are there to keep us humble and meek and teach us patience. I've thought about that much lately. In every job and within every church I've attended. They are there!!
Yes it took years BECAUSE I would not allow it to heal. I kept picking the scab off and getting it infected. I am NOT being calloused I am only trying to give folks a shortcut. It does NOT take years to heal it does take some time to give it to Jesus but He is already there desiring to heal the wounded spirit.
We pastors and saints LEARN by experience everyone does not have to experience what I experienced they can learn from my mistakes.
First you write, "It does NOT take years to heal," and then you write, "it does take some time to give it to Jesus." Just how much time would that be exactly?
I wonder if sometimes what people consider "not letting it go" is actually residual pain from the initial wound.
My older daughter broke her arm last year while playing "Red Rover" at school, during recess. I got a call from her teacher saying that I needed to get to the school right away because my daughter was hurt pretty bad. It was the longest 7.1 mile drive of my life! I remember pulling into the parking lot, struggling to drive carefully because of the pedestrians. I pulled into a handicap parking space (well, actually, I took up two parking space from parking sideways a bit - but I didn't care - I just needed to get to my daughter!). I ran in and saw my baby sitting in the office, holding her arm and teachers standing around her. Getting her to the van was very difficult, since even a slight movement caused her extreme pain. I tried to put her seatbelt on her, but quickly gave up when I saw the amount of pain I was causing her.
Driving to the hospital was quite an experience. I am now fully aware of every tiny bump in the road between the school and the hospital. Bumps I was never aware of before! The tiniest of holes in the road that day caused tremendous pain for my daughter. They were bumps that we never would have noticed prior to that day. Large or small, it didn't matter - they caused much agony.
Once we arrived at the hospital, we found out that it was a break near her elbow. The end of her humerus broke OFF and TWISTED inside her arm! It needed surgery!
While my daughter was in pre-op, she needed to use the bathroom. A nurse came in to help her. While trying to help my daughter out of the bed, the nurse took her BROKEN arm (the one visibly and obviously wrapped up) and pulled her up. You should have heard the cry from my daughter and seen how FAST my husband and I jumped in to stop that crazy woman!!!! What was she thinking!?! (Perhaps, "Just get over it"?) Well, we got the nurse out of my daughter's room as fast as possible, believe me!
I thought that after surgery, my daughter would feel a little better. After all, the bone would be in its proper place and her arm immobilized. There would be pins holding it all together and she'd have meds to help with the pain; so I thought that I would bring her home and that all would be well.
I was wrong.
We didn't sleep much the first few nights. My daughter, it seemed, was in CONSTANT pain DESPITE the medication and DESPITE having her bone placed back together! She cried constantly, until she'd cry herself to sleep. She'd sleep for a very short while, then wake up in pain and cry some more. After not sleeping for a few nights in a row, I lost my patience once and said, "Why are you still crying??? Just try not to cry. I know it hurts, but just stop crying, PLEASE." I wanted her to "just get over it." Well, she still had a lot more healing to do! We still had several more days ahead of us of hearing her cry and watching her poor face express anguish.
For the first five days, my daughter could barely move. ANY movement caused her pain. Getting her to the bathroom was a HUGE struggle. What we normally do easily, and take for granted, she couldn't do. She couldn't brush her hair, her teeth, couldn't sit up, roll over, or even bend her legs - not without tremendous pain. It affected EVERY aspect of her life for a while. It affected every aspect of MY life for a while, and the lives of my husband and other two children. It was a disruption to our entire household. We became so cautious of every move we'd make around her, being ever so careful not to get too close so that we wouldn't accidentally bump her. We placed small tables around the couch where she laid - a sort of safety perimeter. Yep, it definitely disrupted our lives for a while.
But that's the nature of the beast. There was a break and it needed time to heal. NOTHING I did hurried the process along. Nothing I said made it better. Occasionally, just being with her was helpful. Supporting her and being empathetic brought her small comfort. She WANTED me with her (ALL the time). When she cried out in pain, she called, "MOM!" Sometimes I thought she just wanted me to sit & listen to her cry. So I did. I'd listen until she'd fall asleep.
When the day came for the pins to be removed, I thought, "FINALLY, she's going to be PAIN FREE!" I was wrong again!
It was like going back to the beginning. For two straight days, she was in major pain. This time, though, she had to press through the pain and move her arm. Some time had passed and the healing had taken place (per the doctor). YEP, the bone was HEALED! HEALED! There was nothing wrong with her bone anymore. Yet, she still had pain. It made no sense! Why would she be feeling pain after the bone had healed? Just because the pins were removed and the cast was taken off???? I didn't get it.
I had to force her to start using the arm. She wasn't able to straighten it. Actually, she couldn't move it more than ONE INCH. It was like it was STUCK - it wouldn't straighten out. So every day, we'd sit and pull it slightly, about a quarter inch at a time and hold it there. It hurt her. And sometimes she'd cry.
After about a week or two, the doctor suggested that we either have her use something like a bowling ball bag (w/the ball in it) & have her try to lift it (to help stretch & straighten her arm) or she would need physical therapy. We worked w/the bowling ball.
Her first SEVERAL tries were a "disaster." A "failure." She couldn't lift it at all. Her arm wouldn't straighten at all. It didn't seem like it was working... AT ALL. It was taking way more time than I thought it should take. But I was patient and just kept working with her and encouraging her and listening to her whine and cry and complain and say, "I can't." I'd sit for long periods of time, massaging her arm while trying to stretch it out, every so slightly - and slowly. You see, the doctor told us NOT to pull it abruptly. He said, "Don't rush it. It'll take some time, possibly several weeks, before she'll have full range of that arm." Actually, it took longer than the doctor said it would. The "expert" couldn't even predict the precise amount of time it would take before my daughter would completely recover.
Of course, my daughter DID eventually recover and gained [almost] full range of her arm. Most would not notice that she can't straighten it out as far as she originally could, because there's now only a very slight difference than before. But I notice. And she notices. It doesn't cause her pain anymore, but there IS a difference. And she has three scars from the pins that were pushed through her skin.
I'm glad I allowed her time to heal. I regret having told her that one time to stop crying ("get over it"). I wish I wouldn't have said that. I've apologized to her. Telling her to stop crying did not make her pain go away. Nor did it cause her bone to heal. But allowing time to pass did help. I think what also helped was the fact that I was right there with her through the whole thing. She slept on the couch in the living room until her cast was taken off, and I put a mattress on the floor next to the couch and slept there by her side.... even during the day (we slept when we could). When she'd wake up crying after sleeping for only 1/2 hour, I'd jump up immediately and be right there, asking, "What do you need? What can I do?" Even on day four, when I was so tired from lack of sleep, I'd still jump up when she'd cry asking her how I could help her. Sometimes, I couldn't do anything other than watch and listen to her cry and say, "Mom, it hurts so bad." I can't imagine if I would have just left her to herself to heal alone, or ignore her cries! That would have been beyond cruel!! Yet, it seems that's what happens when a person is injured spiritually or emotionally. How sad. It's heartbreaking!
Let me also point out that my daughter's injury had a ripple effect. The children at her school no longer play "Red Rover." They're afraid to. They don't trust the game anymore. They're no longer blinded to the fact that they could be seriously hurt from what they thought was an innocent child's game. Chances are, no one would receive the same type of injury my daughter did; but yet, they still won't play the game. Statistically, they're probably safe from harm. But that doesn't matter - they've seen what it can do, so they avoid it at all costs. If a new student suggests "Red Rover," everyone yells, "NO WAY!" The TEACHERS won't even allow it anymore. Yet, it's really not such a dangerous game. My daughter's injury affected the entire school - they're all a bit "gun shy" now. Is their reaction right or proper? Probably not - but it affected them nonetheless.
Not only that, but now every Spring, I become an overprotective mother. My daughter also broke her arm the Spring break the year before. (She played "Red Rover" on the last day of school before spring break.) So for two years in a row, same time of year, she broke an arm. Her left arm one year, her right arm the next. The first break was a "buckle fracture," and it healed quickly. She wore a cast, but it didn't seem to matter - there didn't appear to be much pain at all. She still ran around outside, climbed monkey bars, rode her bike, etc. So, I guess it depends on what type of injury was received, where it happened, how deep the wound, how great the break, how much damage was done, on and on. Every wound is different - one size does NOT fit all.
IMO, as with PHYSICAL wounds, spiritual and emotional wounds MUST have time - care - attention - treatment - to HEAL properly. And even BEYOND the healing, there may still be pain. Injury affects and changes lives. It's disruptive. Inconvenient. Time consuming. Telling someone to; just get over it, let it go, give it to Jesus, leave it at the altar - though all good advice at times, doesn't always bring about a speedy recovery. There's a healing process.
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