Struggling with Doctrine & Faith

[Spirit&Truth]

Hey everyone. I'm something of a new poster here, although I have lurked on the forums off and on for a few years.

Been in church most of my life (since 5 years old or so) although my family did backslide for a while, at which point I came to God on my own (that is, apart from any push from my parents) when I was 13.

I've been running this race for 13 years now, and I've been very busy! I made up my mind a long time ago that this was the lifestyle for me. I've sat under some of the greatest men of God, and even did a couple years in Bible college. I feel I have a pretty good handle on our doctrine, was a Bible quizzer, and have been involved in ministry (still am), both assistant pastoring for one of our ministries and regularly leading worship and playing instruments.

Anyway, this may be the wrong place to post, but I'm looking for some discussion and prayer. Lately, I've been in a funk and having a crisis of faith of sorts. This all started last year when a close friend of mine, who is a minister, urged me to study the doctrine of tithing for myself and examine the whole counsel of God on the topic for myself. I put it off, because OF COURSE tithing is scriptural and essential for the NT church, right? I felt there was no way I could be wrong; I had studied before and knew all the pro-tithing points. But being a person who believes that we must LOVE the truth, I felt that I should go ahead and examine what I was being shown, because loving the truth means open to being shown that you are wrong.

So, long story short, I came to the conclusion that I was wrong on tithing. I don't really want to get into that topic in particular (thought I can elaborate if needed), this is just part of the journey. It bothered me, because if we are wrong about this, what else are we wrong about? I didn't want it to, but I felt it put me at odds with men of God who I trust with my life and know to be faithful men of God. The whole thing really bugged me, because I felt that it was plain to be seen when studying the scripture, so how could they not see? Fast forward to more recently, and I've found myself in a crisis of faith. I never thought I would be here, but I find myself questioning even core doctrines I have believed (and defended) for my whole adult/teenage life. I will humbly admit that I have even questioned right down to the existence of God, speaking in tongues, and other things, wondering if maybe none of it was real. And I am really ashamed of that. It seems impossible that I could see the things I've seen, and still have a propensity for doubt, but here I am. Deep down I love God, and my whole life has been built on this truth, and I'm just in a weird place.

Unfortunately I'm afraid if I were to bring up my doubts to the leadership at my church, then my ministry could be in jeopardy, and I love to serve and don't want to mess that up. Same goes for close friends.... I just don't want to scare people off or get branded as a heretic or something (I know I'm probably just being dramatic about that). I lead songs, play instruments, and even write songs that have been done in churches, and I don't want to mess all of that up. I just feel so weak right now, and I don't want to complicate things with the other leaders at the church or give an impression of myself that I'm not a true believer or something.

So anyway, I was just wondering if any of those here who perhaps are more experienced than me can chime in. Especially those who are in or have been in ministry. Have you found yourself in a crisis of faith like this before? What did you do to get out of it? I'm even open to books or video series that helped build your faith. Prayers are also much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.