Do you think Two Church services a month is enough?

[Michlow]

Originally Posted by philjones

Hey, Mich!

i see the pendulum is still swinging.

I pray you find the place of stability and balance that will satisfy your soul!

Ouch. That stung a little

Of course, my skin is a little thin and sensitive right now, as I have had many bombs tossed at me over the past couple days.

So as I am feeling a little drained, I am going to cheat a little and cut and paste something that I wrote in the Obey them thread yesterday, I think it addresses the pendulum thing fairly well.

Originally Posted by Michlow

Thank you Felicity. I believe that too. Yes, I have issues, lots of them! And I avoided dealing with them for a very very long time. They started to surface when I originally found FCF, some of you might remember that. And then, I got tired of the dealing with it. I thought if I could just squish myself back into the same mindset that I had when I was first saved. When I believed everything I was told, and did everything I was told, and didn't question anything. Well, then I would be happy and comfortable again.

Guess how well that worked? I really tried, but I couldn't silence the questions or the doubts. It was on New Year's day when it came to a head. I was sitting on my bed, with my Bible, just kinda thumbing through. And of a sudden all the questions, all the apparent contradictions all the things that didn't make sense came boiling to the surface. And I just started to cry and said "God, I really don't think its supposed to be so hard! Why do we make it so hard? Nothing makes sense anymore and I can't stand it!"

And I prayed for a while I had a realization. I didn't care about standards, I didn't care about church or its programs, or tithing, or the role of women, or even doctrine. Because all of that junk had completely clouded my view of Jesus, and I didn't even know who he was anymore. Was he the harsh judge that was just waiting for me to show I wasn't "holy" enough so he could smite me? Was he the one that demanded absolute perfection? The one for whom nothing was ever enough?

At that moment, I made a New year's resolution, that the rest of that stuff could go in the garbage for all I cared. All I wanted to know is "Who is Jesus?"

So for right now, Yes, I do think that the rest of that stuff is unimportant. All that matters is my quest to find out Who He is. After that...well...who knows...