Quote:
Originally Posted by Michlow
I haven't been around much lately, and when I am, I mainly lurk. Many of you on here, have known me for over 3 years now, through all the various incarnations of the forum. You saw me liberal, and then conservative, and then go back to the liberal side of things. You have witnessed many changes in my character, some good, some bad.
I have always tried to be transparent and honest about my spriritual journey. I have never been one to shy away from admitting my struggles or doubts.
So with that in mind, I share the lastest chapter. Several weeks back, I made the decision to leave the apostolic church completely. Truth be told, for a long time, I was only halfway in. Yes, I questioned standards. But there were many other things I questioned as well. Recently I realized that I had reached a point where there was more that I disagreed with, that what I agreed with. I also realized that I no longer identified myself as "apostolic" or "upc", but simply as "christian" or a "believer". So the change is pretty minimal.
So Ultra-Con's, you can put on your sackcloth and ashes; and liberals you can rejoice  |
Since I am really neither con nor lib, but a moderate, I wish that I could moderate.
Mich, I have walked much of this same road. I went from con to lib, back to con, and back to lib in many regards--and finally realized that I was fighting a battle that was somebody else's. My trouble was that I was trying to fit myself into somebody's "camp," where I didn't belong. As soon as I realized I differed with somebody, strongly, in a certain area, I seemed to just go jump into the other camp. I have done the same with endtime prophecy as well. I soon realized that I just had to be who I was.
I came to some conclusions about myself, and decided to stand there--and you are going to have to do the same.
I shall list some of mine.
I knew I would never be satisfied with:
1) Trinitarian doctrine. I believe it is patently false and a lie straight out of paganism.
2) Any other baptism but Jesus Name.
3) Professing the Spirit, without the demonstration thereof.
4) Worship that was not, at times, very demonstrative.
5) The display of the Gifts of the Spirit in worship services.
6) The level of modesty (or immodesty) displayed by the majority of Christendom.
7) The blurring of the visual lines between genders.
8) The level of dedication to God and to His work that I see in other circles.
9) Preaching without passion.
10) Trending towards whatever the new book, idea, or motif the other churches are doing, i.e, the Prayer of Jabez, the Rule of Six, Prosperity, Purpose Driven Life, etc. etc. (I am not saying that all of this is wrong, but it seems like churches go after something for a while, then change to follow something else.)
Everything does not have to be a salvational issue for me to believe it or follow it. I cannot follow what my spirit is not with. I cannot constantly halt between two opinions. I have to obey the voice of the Spirit, and let my inner man take the lead. I have to be what I am, whether that fits one camp or the other. If I am rejected by one side or the other, I just have to plod on. I am willing to make minor adjustments in my way in order to have fellowship with a group that is similarly minded, but I refuse to "play the part" or "go along" just to have some friends. I no longer "have leanings" toward this or that. I just accept where I am, and do my best to move forward and learn more.
Okay, enough rambling. I don't know if I am making any sense--and this probably has nothing to do with where you are. You're post just got me in a certain vein and I'm sharing. If it helps, thank God. If it doesn't...sorry for hijacking.
Bless you, Sister. I hope you have peace.
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