Train up a Child

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Truthseeker, not every child is the same. Some are very stubborn. You shouldn't break their spirit. A strong will is a good thing. You just want to guide it in a positive direction.

My son has hit me before...more of a "Lets see what happens if I hit Mommy" sort of thing, rather than an "inflict pain" experiment. When I pretended to be much more injured than I actually was, tears ran down his face and he said he was sorry. And he didn't try it again. There would have been no need for me to spank him for that!

Some children endure hardships and life circumstances that lead to misbehavior, and require a very UNDERSTANDING parent, not one who is quick to punish. You may curb the behavior, but you risk further injuring the child's psyche.

We have a major rule about lying in our house. we don't lie to them and they better not to us, lying is a major offense here.


Just spanking alone is not the answer, but part of the it.

[Truthseeker]

"how to rasie happy and obedient children" is one of the best books on discipline I ever seen

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

We have a major rule about lying in our house. we don't lie to them and they better not to us, lying is a major offense here.


Just spanking alone is not the answer, but part of the it.

Actually, lying is one thing we always apply discipline for--sometimes spanking, sometimes other things, but its never passed up. If a child lies to us, they will be disciplined for that, even if the behavior they lied about isn't that bad. (Like spilling a drink or something silly.)

Our kids have learned that its in their best interest to be honest, even if it will get them into some trouble, because lying and dishonesty have much greater consequences.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

Wasn't there a big brew-ha-ha over on NFCF over this book?

I don't remember...but I have read the book, and I think it teaches a woman to be completely manipulative, and while I can see how that benefits one to some extent , I don't see it as being profitable in a Christian marriage. Just trying to please your husband isn't manipulation, but when you do it for selfish reasons, or to get your own way, rather than because you love your man--THAT is manipulative and dishonest. (And unchristian.)

P.S. This is not to say I have never tried to get my own way. I am, after all, a brat. I do try to let God help me be less bratty....

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I don't remember...but I have read the book, and I think it teaches a woman to be completely manipulative, and while I can see how that benefits one to some extent , I don't see it as being profitable in a Christian marriage. Just trying to please your husband isn't manipulation, but when you do it for selfish reasons, or to get your own way, rather than because you love your man--THAT is manipulative and dishonest. (And unchristian.)

P.S. This is not to say I have never tried to get my own way. I am, after all, a brat. I do try to let God help me be less bratty....

That was it exactly!!! I remember it caused a pretty big stir.

Originally Posted by pelathais

Hello Brother Phil...

I didn't know about your upcoming surgery - I'll keep you in prayer.

I'll also avoid the obvious wisecracks about you being "stiff-necked..."

Take care.

Speaking of stiff-necked... my tag line used to be a quote I found in some of my Dad's sermon notes... "A stiff neck usually supports an empty head".

That would be me!

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by philjones

Speaking of stiff-necked... my tag line used to be a quote I found in some of my Dad's sermon notes... "A stiff neck usually supports an empty head".

That would be me!

oops sorry that wasnt supposed to be funny was it????

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I don't remember...but I have read the book, and I think it teaches a woman to be completely manipulative, and while I can see how that benefits one to some extent , I don't see it as being profitable in a Christian marriage. Just trying to please your husband isn't manipulation, but when you do it for selfish reasons, or to get your own way, rather than because you love your man--THAT is manipulative and dishonest. (And unchristian.)

P.S. This is not to say I have never tried to get my own way. I am, after all, a brat. I do try to let God help me be less bratty....

Originally Posted by The Mrs

That was it exactly!!! I remember it caused a pretty big stir.

The book was not written with the concept of a woman manipulating, but a concept of you reap what you sow. It is similar to the Dale Carnegie approach of just treating others the way you would want them to treat you, with the knowledge that they will in turn treat you better.

[dizzyde]

Just for clarification, I haven't read second book, I was referring to the first one "TO TRAIN UP A CHILD" BY MICHAEL & DEBI PEARL , I know that these people are pretty extreme, my best friends family follow them and their lifestyle. It is different to say the least. The other book sounds interesting, (in a point and laugh kind of way.)

[Jesuswins]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

I have two points of advice for ANY parent:

1.) RESPECT YOURSELF!

2.) BE CONSISTENT!


Respect yourself, and demand respect from your child toward yourself. I think so many problems are overcome when your child respects you. There were many things I didn't allow my children to do to me. They were never allowed to hit me, yell at me, or even *gasp* talk back to me. When a child talks back to you, or whines, he is in essence saying you are 'wrong'. He doesn't respect you and is willing to argue his point until HE is 'right'. When you get this valuable little principle established, the whining, while it may not ever stop completely, lessens greatly. This will help your child restrain himself as he grows and matures and begets good behavior. As my children grew and matured in understanding, they were allowed to answer back one time. If they had a valid point for not doing something they were asked to do or disagree with, they had an opportunity to explain themselves with a proper attitude.


Children have a way of walking all over us, and getting what they want. They figure out what buttons to push, and what works best. If you ever want to establish priniciples in your child's life, you have got to be consistent. Make a rule, and enforce it. I know it's not easy, but you're only taking two steps backwards for every one forward if you won't enforce your rules. Know your child and what punishment is effective, and make sure you have an appropriate punishment for them if they decide to argue/whine with you. For some kids it's just a stern look, for others, it takes much more 'persuasion'.

MRS, Thank you for your insightful response, you have been most helpful!!

I "know" that being consistant is the main key, I have preached this for years to others seeking advice. But it is the hardest thing I have ever done, he has always been an angel, and we have never realy had any problems with her, so to be crossing this bridge with her is odd. Everyone always tells me how well behaved she is and what a wonderful job I have done raising her. I'm not saying that at home she's lying in the floor kicking and screaming, or trying to attack me physically, but her attitude sticks and I admitt I have not been consistant about correcting her. I plan to change that this evening! We are going to post the rules and the consequences and go over them with her tonight. There will be consequences for each time she "mouths off" and I will follow through. I am so done with this stuff!!