Repent or perish!

[berkeley]

Many of you are aware of my past lifestyle and my struggles. I was in a church service some time in the first quarter of 2008. The minister felt led to air out some dirty laundry. I was the second person that was called-out.
The minister of GOD said:
"God has spoken to me about you. He said that you have been dwelling on your past. You need to make things right TODAY! God said that if you keep dwelling on your past, you are going to return to the perversion that you came out of..."
He said some more things briefly, which of I can not remember. The last thing he said to me was "REPENT OR PERISH!"

The minister of God was right. I had been dwelling on my past. God would move and I was numb and dry. Even Esau sought repentance with tears. I envy the guy. I couldn't cry tears. Not one drop. Strange. I would dry-cry. I could feel some of the emotions that one feels when they weep and have dry eyes. I had been in this condition for several weeks. Anyway, after the rebuke I hid my face in a chair and squeazed out a few drops.

As of late, I thought I was making progress. I admit, I am not who I was when I shared my issues with the forum. But, it "feels" like as soon as I am making strides, I come up against a wall. I can see the wall. The wall that is in front of me at this moment... I feel it. I sense it. I see it. It's not a small wall. If I could describe what I See in front of me:
The wall is tall. It is made of earth colored bricks. It is very solid. When I press my hand against it, it is very solid. It is fortified, like a fortress.

I don't know if I can make it through this one. Certainly not through my own ability and strength.

Just pray for me. Berkeley or Bryan... whatever you refer to me as. God knows...

[mizpeh]

Originally Posted by Bryan

Just pray for me. Berkeley or Bryan... whatever you refer to me as. God knows...

Praying for you Bryan.

God is for you and He loves you. There is nothing that can separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. His mercy reaches unto the heavens. And He can be touched with the feelings of your infirmities.

[OneAccord]

Bro Bryan,

I don't know anything about yout past, and maybe thats a good thing. I do, however, feel the urgency in your prayer request. I appreciate your honesty. Not many people openly admit they struggle. That, some think, is a sign of weakness. I struggle with a good number of things from my past. Though God has done some great things for me in the past few months, I still find my self weak in some areas of my life. Your prayers in this regard is appreciated.

Remember the old song, "One Day at a Time"? I never liked that song, but there is a truth to be remembered in it: "Yesterday's gone...sweet Jesus...." . Yesterday is gone, brother.... nothing I did yesterday can be brought back. Every word I said, every deed I did, can never be changed or brought back. I can't undo or even re-do what I did yesterday. And so it is with my past. And your past. But thats just it. The past is.... well, the past. We can't go back to Jan. 15, 2009 again even though some may wish they can. We escape from our past with every tick of the clock. We are moving ahead, not back into the past.

However, the past has a way of calling to us. It seems to keep trying to draw us back into the past. Peter, who had walked with the Lord in a literal sense, experienced this after Jesus had been crucified. After the initial thrill of being with the Lord had "worn of", Peter was confronted by his past. "I'll go fishing" was his way of returning to his old lifestyle. He picked up his old habit of fishing naked, which I find is an odd way of fishing. He returned to the very same lifestyle that he was living when he first met the Lord. And he was having the same luck.... no luck. The thrill of landing "the big one" was gone. His old life just didn't have the same appeal. Because he had been with the Lord. And, while he cast his nets, and drew them in again... empty, as usual, he heard the Lord's voice. That familiar voice that had said, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men" called to him again. The same Jesus who said, "....I will never leave you or forsake you..." called to Peter even though Peter had returned to his old lifestyle. Peter was miserable, ashamed, that the Lord had found him once again in the same old empty mud hole the Lord called called him from. Did Jesus condemn Peter for giving in to his weakness for the love of fishing? No, Jesus offered something better to Peter- a fully cooked seafood dinner. Brother, you won't find what your soul longs for down at the ol' fishin' hole anymore. The Bible tells us to "Draw nigh to God..." not to escape our past or to change our lifestyle buts so "....God will draw nigh to (us)". The old lifestyle of casting our nets for pleasure and excitment will only give us empty nets once we have been with the Lord.

I didn't mean to write all of this but... heres another thing to consider. When we return to fishing... others go with us. Jhn 21:3. If we fail to continue to walk with the Lord, there is a strong danger that we will weaken the faith of some around us. Our old "buddies" from the past who may be thinking, "Well, Ol' Bryan is makin' it... maybe there is something to this Christian walk", might see us jumping back into the waters of past pleasures and then say, "I knew it.... theres nothing to this Christianity business". And, their resolve to join the Lord around the camp fire will desolve away.

Draw nigh to Him, Brother. Don't fall for the lie that you can return to "business as usual". Why struggle to find what you're looking for in life, when its already there with the Lord, fully prepared, and ready to bless and sustain you? Its there...with the Lord.

I'll be praying for you, Brother. Maybe my own weaknesses and failures will make my prayers ineffectual, but I'll pray nonetheless. Because... well... sometimes its good to know there's somebody in the boat with you who also stuggles with his past. Our struggles are most likely different, I don't know... but your victory, and mine as well, comes from the One who stands on the bank and offers us what our empty nets of the past no longer holds for us. I'll be praying, and, if theres anything I can do to help you in your walk with the Lord, I'm here to help. God bless you.

BTW... don't worry about the absence of tears. Tears are an emotional reponse to an experience. We often make the mistake that the absence of an emotional response indicates a lack of sincerity- but thats not always true. A spiritual response is what the Lord is looking for. Something that goes beyond an emotional response. Peter was ashamed (human response) that the Lord had found him in his old way of life. Peter, however, went a step further by saying, "It is the Lord...." (spiritual response). Recognizing your weakeness, confessing your fault, and asking for prayer is a spiritual response.... God is drawing you unto Him, brother. Our help comes from the Lord... and once we recognize Him as our Source...He fills our soul with His greatness. So, brother...."Come and Dine!"

[RevDWW]

Originally Posted by Bryan

Many of you are aware of my past lifestyle and my struggles. I was in a church service some time in the first quarter of 2008. The minister felt led to air out some dirty laundry. I was the second person that was called-out.
The minister of GOD said:
"God has spoken to me about you. He said that you have been dwelling on your past. You need to make things right TODAY! God said that if you keep dwelling on your past, you are going to return to the perversion that you came out of..."
He said some more things briefly, which of I can not remember. The last thing he said to me was "REPENT OR PERISH!"

The minister of God was right. I had been dwelling on my past. God would move and I was numb and dry. Even Esau sought repentance with tears. I envy the guy. I couldn't cry tears. Not one drop. Strange. I would dry-cry. I could feel some of the emotions that one feels when they weep and have dry eyes. I had been in this condition for several weeks. Anyway, after the rebuke I hid my face in a chair and squeazed out a few drops.

As of late, I thought I was making progress. I admit, I am not who I was when I shared my issues with the forum. But, it "feels" like as soon as I am making strides, I come up against a wall. I can see the wall. The wall that is in front of me at this moment... I feel it. I sense it. I see it. It's not a small wall. If I could describe what I See in front of me:
The wall is tall. It is made of earth colored bricks. It is very solid. When I press my hand against it, it is very solid. It is fortified, like a fortress.

I don't know if I can make it through this one. Certainly not through my own ability and strength.

Just pray for me. Berkeley or Bryan... whatever you refer to me as. God knows...

The tears of repentance are great because we are emotional creatures, but the walk of repentance is even greater. Taking the step of faith in the right direction when we don't "feel" anything does not negate the steps. Walking toward God and away from the old self is living a repented life. Somedays we make good progress some days maybe just a faltering step. But keep stepping.

Gen 5:23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
Gen 5:24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
Heb 11:5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.

It may be a coincident, but check out the number of years Enoch walked with God....365...Kinda makes me think our walk with Him ought to be a 365 day a year walk.

[Raven]

Bryan [Berkley]
You are going to be fine. God hasn't ordered your steps to suddenly drop you. Not only do you have many brothers and sisters praying for you but you have the Great High Priest of all time interceding on your behalf. This moment shall also pass and you will see things beyond "the wall" very soon. Christ took part "in the same" and knows exactly where you're at this morning.
Raven

Heb 2:14-18
14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same ; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;
15 And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
16 For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.
17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.
18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

[marthaolivia]

Originally Posted by Bryan

Many of you are aware of my past lifestyle and my struggles. I was in a church service some time in the first quarter of 2008. The minister felt led to air out some dirty laundry. I was the second person that was called-out.
The minister of GOD said:
"God has spoken to me about you. He said that you have been dwelling on your past. You need to make things right TODAY! God said that if you keep dwelling on your past, you are going to return to the perversion that you came out of..."
He said some more things briefly, which of I can not remember. The last thing he said to me was "REPENT OR PERISH!"

The minister of God was right. I had been dwelling on my past. God would move and I was numb and dry. Even Esau sought repentance with tears. I envy the guy. I couldn't cry tears. Not one drop. Strange. I would dry-cry. I could feel some of the emotions that one feels when they weep and have dry eyes. I had been in this condition for several weeks. Anyway, after the rebuke I hid my face in a chair and squeazed out a few drops.

As of late, I thought I was making progress. I admit, I am not who I was when I shared my issues with the forum. But, it "feels" like as soon as I am making strides, I come up against a wall. I can see the wall. The wall that is in front of me at this moment... I feel it. I sense it. I see it. It's not a small wall. If I could describe what I See in front of me:
The wall is tall. It is made of earth colored bricks. It is very solid. When I press my hand against it, it is very solid. It is fortified, like a fortress.

I don't know if I can make it through this one. Certainly not through my own ability and strength.

Just pray for me. Berkeley or Bryan... whatever you refer to me as. God knows...

Bryan, God forgets about our past, it is us who can not forget. God did not give you that message just to drop you. He is faithful.

Praying for you.

[TRFrance]

Bryan, just hold on firmly to God's hand and never let go.

Do that, and He'll lead you to where you need to be in Him.

You're in our prayers.

[rgcraig]

Berk,

Maybe I'm the odd one out, but perhaps that wall you feel/see is there to protect you FROM your past. You said it's strong and solid like a fortress - God might have built that wall. Maybe that's what it's going to take to allow you to go through a season unaffected by your past.

Be still in God.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Berk,

Maybe I'm the odd one out, but perhaps that wall you feel/see is there to protect you FROM your past. You said it's strong and solid like a fortress - God might have built that wall. Maybe that's what it's going to take to allow you to go through a season unaffected by your past.

Be still in God.

This will make me think, thanks Renda.

[Sherri]

Berk-- we all love you on here, and are praying for you. God is FAITHFUL and He will help you. Memorize scriptures of deliverance and when your mind goes "there", spit out those scriptures. It's the best way to fight the enemy.