A Boy, A Girl and A Woman

[deacon blues]

They knocked on my door tonight. A dirty little barefooted boy about six years old. A girl maybe thirteen or fourteen. A woman probably in her thirties. The girl has been coming to church off and on for about two years. The woman has visited our church a couple of times. I don't think I've seen the boy before. The boy may have been a brother to the girl. But I know for a fact that the woman was not the girl's mother.

They came knocking asking if I could help them with some food and a little gas money. They all live together in the same house. The girl's mother has been married three times. She has six children. She recently married a guy who shortly after marriage at the courthouse started beating her. He blows all his money on the weekends and there's no money left for utilities and basic living needs.

Our church paid their utility bill a few months ago. It was really cold. We paid just enough to get the heat turned back on: $500. A month later the utilities were turned off again. We put them up for the night in a hotel: $150 for two rooms. Again we helped with some other need: $250. Another night in a hotel when the electricity was turned off: $125. We've helped with food before. We sat in our living room and counseled and prayed with the mother after the husband dragged her across the street scraping her up and hurting her. We told her to separate from the abusive husband. She won't do it.

Tonight I just wasn't in the mood to be honest. I had long day that started at 4:15 am. After working at Starbucks until 9 am I went home, ate a little breakfast and started mowing the church property and sprucing up the place (we have a 14 acre wooded lot to maintain). It was a beautiful day, I enjoyed being in the sun and with the help of a couple of other church employees, we really made the place look great for Sunday. But at the end of the day I was beat. My wife and two eldest kids went to a city park for a walk and bike ride so I decided to fire up the grill and cook some Black Angus burgers for dinner. So my little three year old boy and I ran up to Kroger to get some hamburger buns and ketchup. While I was there I got a phone call from a man who was at the church and said "Jennifer's kids are here looking for you. What should I tell them?" I knew it was to ask for help. I just wasn't in the mood. I wanted a nice, quiet evening at home with the family eating some good food. I told the brother to tell them I wasn't at home, I was running an errand and that I would not be available tonight.

Since we live in the parsonage behind the church, I devised how I would go home: the "back" way. I would travel home down some side streets from the grocery, off the main street that runs by our church and residence and "sneak" on to the church grounds by entering through a rear entrance off of the parking lot, drive through the back yard and park behind the parsonage so no one could see that I was home. As I turned down the last street a block from the church, who comes barreling right passed me than Jennifer's kids! I wondered, "Did they see me? Did they realize they just whizzed by me?" I went home sure they didn't notice.

My boy had fallen asleep in his car seat. I carefully carried him into the house, into his room. I was trying to tuck him in when I heard knocking on my door. I was not happy. He was starting to stir. I could ignore their knocks, they will leave evnetually. But the more they knocked, the louder they got, finally using the heavy brass door knocker to be heard. I was afraid they were going to wake him. Indignantly, I answered the door.

There was this poor woman, one eye looking at me, the other eye looking in a different direction. They were needing food and gas money. My burgers were thawing on the counter. I was ready to go put charcoal in the Weber grill, light it, sit in my backyard, enjoy the setting sun and the 72 degree weather. I was not in the mood to get "used" one more time because people can't get their act together, get a job, make due, not take good advice to change their circumstances, etc. I didn't have any cash on me. I rarely do. I couldn't leave my son to go back to the grocery, neither was I going to wake him up.

I told them, "I'm sorry. I can't help you tonight." I remembered I had some pastries that Starbucks donates to our church that we in turn donate to a local women's shelter. I fetched them a bag and sent them on their way. I was glad they were gone because I was just not in the mood for charity tonight.

But then there we were, sitting around the table, eating these really delicious Angus cheeseburgers several hours later. I saw my little boy holding his burger in his hands and I thought of the dirty little boy. I thought of the kids back at his house having day old pastries for dinner. Yes, I was angry at the new husband and father for being a jerk. I was angry at the dead beat dad's that wont pay their child support, I was angry at the mother who can't seem to make a couple of sound choices for her and her kids lives. But I couldn't stop thinking about that little boy.

Was any of this his fault? Did he asked to be born into these circumstances? Should I really feel justified in giving the little help that I did? I remembered a passage from the Bible study the night before: "Give to those who ask, and don't turn away from those who want to borrow" (Mt. 5:42). I just couldn't stop thinking about that kid. That could be my son or daughter.

In the end, I realize that to have helped this family for the sake of the children is meritorious. It's right. We may not be able to turn it around for them, but if we can sow seeds into the hearts of these children about Christian generosity and the love of Christ, its worth it. If we can rescue just one of those six, it will have been worth it all. Jesus wants us to be generous and to do it cheerfully. And he doesn't tell us to run a background check. He simply says, "Give. No strings attached. No minimum requirements. Just give."

I wish I had that moment on the porch again. When we finished dinner there were three cold burgers sitting on the serving plate. We could have had some extra mouths at the table eating Angus burgers with us. It would have sent my kids a strong message and it would've have opened the doors of blessings to us. Most of all it would have made a little boy, a teenage girl and a pitiful woman very happy. I am suddenly now "in the mood" to help. Too bad it's 11:24 pm. Jesus, forgive me.

Tomorrow, help me to get it right. Amen.

[Nahum]

I can totally relate Bro.

Such a wonderfully written heartfelt piece.

Thanks for sharing.

I think I'll go pray now.

[rgcraig]

Wow, Deacon you speak so directly to all of us!

[Ron]

DB you put the perspective right where it needs to be-the children.
That is why I am a proponent of Universal Health Care, if for nothing else-for the kids.

God Bless you in the Kingdoms service!

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Wow, Deacon you speak so directly to all of us!

Ditto!

A fantastic lesson learned. I can totally relate to you not being in the mood to help. I admit that sometimes I go back and forth on issues like this. The children involved in these situation are the biggest victims. At the same time the parents (in many cases) are well aware that most people will give them help b/c they have children. It becomes a form of emotional blackmail. Their children are their meal ticket. These people are takers and users. If you don't help them and THEIR children you are a bad person. You are not showing the love of Christ. But whose responsibility is it to care for their children? Its called being a parent. Its called responsibility. I agree with doing everything I can to help in a real emergency or crisis. But when people are set on consistently making bad choices it may be time to refer them to social services.

[WyoPastor]

Originally Posted by Ron

That is why I am a proponent of Universal Health Care, if for nothing else-for the kids.

What does that have to do with his story.

We have some children like that that come to our church and they have better health care than we do.

[Ron]

Originally Posted by WyoPastor;445173[B

]What does that have to do with his story[/B].

We have some children like that that come to our church and they have better health care than we do.

And I have better health care than about 90-95% of this forum & it only costs $108 bucks a month!

Read my post a little closer---It is about the kids.

[Monkeyman]

I would team up with a local transistion house, emergency shelter, or Salvation Army, where these professionals are better equipped to handle this situation, and I would report the man to the authorities or her brothers...

I have a suspicion you are being held hostage thru her child. Ask around to other churches in her area and see if they are being taken for a ride too.

Sometimes you can't be a Pastor, you need to be a husband, and a dad.

[Felicity]

At the last church we pastored they took up an "alms offering" every month. The money received in that offering was used to help needy people who showed up every week either at the door of the church asking for help or calling on the phone asking for help.

Every month, we helped the homeless and those who needed groceries, etc. And our church was also very involved both hands on and through financial support with a local shelter for street people, and those who were down and out in a myriad of ways.

That's one of the things I appreciated SO much about that church.