Apostolic Friends Forum - Wife Hospitalized In Psych W After Suicide Attempt

Just an update. I made the 3 hour drive to the hospital yesterday and brought her some clothes, photos and toiletries. The doctor that is treating her is supposedly one of the best in the nation. He thinks it's a medication issue and has adjusted them accordingly. I got to spend an hour and a half with her in a wing of the hospital that kind of reminds you of maybe a nursing home but more high security. Emotionally it's a mixed bag with me. I'm so used to hiding and suppressing my emotions just from things I've been through in life and also my job but with this the mask slips uncontrollably throughout the day and for split seconds I feel a rush of grief and panic so strong that I reflexively gasp and if it would last any longer than that split second I would break into uncontrollable sobbing. I was at the CVS yesterday on Pineville just getting some pictures of me and my daughter printed out...I got a card and a small notebook to write her a letter in to include in the card and just while looking at the notebook it hit me and I almost broke down and lost it.

I passed a bunch of churches on the way down and if it wasn't for the time constraints of having to get to the hospital for the time they had their visiting hours I would have been sorely tempted to walk in the back doors. Hairy bearded tatted up guy in shorts, T-shirt n flip-flops unknown and just needing to fall on his face before his maker and weep. I didn't want to cause a disturbance though and I wasn't wild about the idea of being crowded by people who were well meaning but didn't understand what was going on with me. Maybe just ask an usher if I could use a Sunday school room for a bit...and that I'm not there to cause a disturbance or be a spectacle...I just need to be alone with God.

Having to go back to work for three days until Monday morning starting tomorrow. I'm dreading it. At the end of last shift the morning after the incident happened my boss was griping over something really trivial. The people I work with aren't the most supportive and are more interested in gossip and rumors so I had said nothing to them of the previous nights occurences. In the middle of the rant my wife called me from the hospital and well she is a bigger priority than a rant about washing dishes especially considering the circumstances. My boss got upset because I took the call and stomped off angrily and from what he was muttering under his breath I knew that he was planning retaliation. I texted him on the drive home explaining why that call was so important...he gave no response so I'm expecting him to make my life miserable for a while. I really appreciate all the kind words and prayers. You'll never truly know how much it means to us.