Joke Thread

jwharv · #1 06-06-2007, 01:24 AM

Every forum needs a joke thread..................

jwharv · #2 06-06-2007, 01:28 AM

A father finds his four year old daughter outside brushing their dog's teeth using his toothbrush. Dad asks, "What are you doing with my toothbrush?"

The daughter replies, "I'm brushing his teeth. But don't worry dad, I'll rinse it out when I'm done just like I always do."

jwharv · #3 06-06-2007, 01:30 AM

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian.

When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

jwharv · #4 06-06-2007, 01:38 AM

The pastor stood up for his sermon and the congregation couldn't help but notice several bandages on his face. "Excuse me," says the pastor, "but this morning I was so deep in thought about my sermon that I cut myself shaving."

When the service had ended and the pastor was saying goodbye to everyone as they filed out the door, one old curmudgeon shakes the pastor's hand and says, "Next time think about shaving and cut the sermon."

BoredOutOfMyMind · #5 06-06-2007, 01:43 AM

jwarv, is that avatar part of the joke?

Saints?

jwharv · #6 06-06-2007, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

jwarv, is that avatar part of the joke?

Saints?

NO way!

I have been a Saints fan as far back as when they were the Aints. They are just getting to be a good team why change now........

Timmy · #7 06-06-2007, 09:11 AM

The Sunday School teacher announced a prize for the first child to memorize the books of the Bible. A giant candy bar! Little Johnny wanted that candy so badly, he worked at memorizing the books of the Bible for many hours, every day till next Sunday. But, alas, he failed. He was sure someone else would win.

The teacher asked how everyone was doing. Little Johnny said he only got the books of the Old Testament done. The teacher said, "Well that's pretty good. Let's hear it!"

Little Johnny stood up, cleared his throat, and began. "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. . . ."

Timmy · #8 06-06-2007, 09:18 AM

Why did the alligator cross the road?

Timmy · #9 06-06-2007, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy

Why did the alligator cross the road?

To eat the chicken!

jwharv · #10 06-06-2007, 04:55 PM

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.

After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.

Sure enough, after only a short time of searching, he found a gas cap. He carefully wiped it off and slipped it into place with a satisfying click.

"Great," he told his wife as he climbed back into the car, "I may have lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits and it's even a better cap than the one I had - it locks..."